New RN questioning career choice

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Hi everyone,

This is my first post on this website, although I am on here a lot reading posts from people in similar situations as me. I apologize ahead for the lengthiness. I am a new nurse; I graduated in May with my ADN and started my first job in June on a busy med-surg/trauma floor. Since about day one on the job, I was already questioning my situation.

To give everyone a little background, I can honestly say that I have never had any burning desire to be a nurse when I was growing up. I specifically remember saying to one of my friends when we were still in high school that "I never want to be a nurse." She on the other hand, has always known this is what she has wanted to do. I have, however, always had an interest in the sciences and learning how things work together. When I started college, I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life. I took all of the general education classes as well as taking more science classes, since I thought that was the general direction that I wanted to go. After about two years of general education classes, my school advisor told me that I had all of the pre-requisites I needed to apply for the nursing program. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. I would be in a well-respected program, I would have many job opportunities upon graduating, and it would pay me relatively well when I did land my first job (at least a lot more than I was used to). In my first semester, I was always uneasy when it came to patient care. I didn't mind the classroom work, but when it came time to care for patients, I was not excited. At that time, I chalked it up to the fact that it was something very new to me, and it would take time to get used to. Fast forward to second semester, I was in even worse shape. It was so bad that I was seriously considering dropping out of the program and finding something else to do. I talked to my family about it and even talked with the lead instructor over how I was feeling. Everyone convinced me to just stick it out and that it would get better. So that's what I did. It did get a little better over the next year, but I never felt comfortable or excited about clinicals or the patient care. I would have (and still have) the worst anxiety the night before I would have to be at the hospital the next day. So much so, that I sometimes I would get physically sick.

So now, I am working on a very busy hospital floor, and I already want out. I absolutely dread going to work. It's all I can think about the day before working. My anxiety goes through the roof, and I want nothing more than to walk away. I feel very guilty because some of my friends who are also new nurses love what they're doing! I feel like I can't talk to them about it because they won't understand. And my feeling like this has nothing to do with the people I work with. With the exception of a few, my co-workers have been nothing but supportive. My managers are awesome and helpful and I had a great preceptor. Despite all of this, I can't help but think that I cannot see myself doing this forever. I am someone that hates change, I very much like a routine. I also do very well working independently and at my own pace. All of these qualities are definitely not a part of nursing, which I knew from the beginning.

I would love any advice from people. A part of me thinks that I have answered my own question, but I would love some opinions. I am embarrassed that I feel this way and that I may have possibly wasted the last two years of my life on a degree that I hate.

Thanks!

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

Only you can answer that. If you never wanted to be a nurse ... and never found anything in nursing that interested you ... then there is no reason to stay long term, is there? As you leave, you might find it helpful to keep your job on a part time basis while you return to school to transition to another career. You'll appreciate the income, and you might find that you don't mind your job so much once you know it is not forever. That feeling of being stuck might be making you feel worse.

On the other hand ... before you throw away your investment in nursing ... You should probably explore the possibility that it might just be the type of nursing you are doing and/or the particular place you are working. All the way through my undergraduate education, I hated adult med/surg nursing. I knew I did not want that, never felt comfortable there, etc.. I always said that if that was the only type of job I could get after graduation, I would leave nursing. Fortunately, I found neonatal ICU nursing, which is very different -- and I loved it. After a couple of years in the NICU, I went into Nursing Staff Development and have been here for a couple of decades.

So be sure to look around and do some deep thinking as to whether or not there are other jobs within nursing that you might like before you throw it all away. Or maybe you could build on your current nursing education and experience and get into another, related field that you might like.

As I said ... keep your nursing job for a least a little while -- to use as income while you decide what you really want to do. Then do it. But don't just quit and leave yourself with no money coming in and no plan.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Specializes in cardiac/education.

Wow I really feel for you. Our stories are nearly identical (see my recent post about bedside not being for me!). I will tell you that I still have not figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life but I am dropping hours at the hospital to do more of the things I love (spending time with family, exercising) while securing another PT job out of the hospital. I am lucky though, I am not the sole bread winner in our house so I have some degree of options. One thing I have made clear to my loved ones though is that NO WAY will I be miserable forever. I WILL figure this out and find out what is right for me. I know I am not a bad nurse, just not one that thrives on crisis and unpredictability (read: med surg hospital nursing). We will one day find our niche. I tell myself to take it day by day. I remember I have options. If the hospital gets unbearable, I can quit. Do what is best for me. You WILL find another job. Life WILL go on. You must think this way because if you think you HAVE TO all the time you will feel trapped and miserable.

Like me, keep in mind that YOUR HEALTH and well-being is more important than anything.

Out of curiosity, what did the personality tests tell you to do? I always came up with Doctor, researcher, therapist....LOL....never nurse. :)

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Specializes in cardiac/education.

Oh....and don't be ashamed...I did the exact same thing in nursing school (search my posts LOL)...telling everyone this may not be right for me...feeling it in my gut....but because you are in the program and exerting the time and energy everyone tells you to "not give up". You did not want to be a quitter. I get it. You think you'll find SOME area of nursing that will fit, that you will like, that you will be good at. There are so many options, right? LOL....you rationalize... So, did we persevere in the face of adversity or were we just stupid? LOL. Who knows, but remember you do now have a source of income for your family and education is never a waste. :) Be proud of what you have accomplished and hold your head high. There are people everywhere who made career mistakes and go back to find something else....

BTW...I always felt like an a*&!hole for not wanting to take care of others deep down. I felt guilty because I really did not want to have anything to do with this as a nurse. But now I realize, it's not the patient care that gets me, it's everything else!!!! LOL:roflmao:

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It's so nice to have someone understand! Thank you so much, I know this is how I have always felt, it's just nice to not feel alone! I'll have to go back and read all of your posts. I'm sure it'll be like you took the words right out of my mouth lol. And if I remember right, all the aptitude tests and career tests I took said teacher, or business, or counselor. But also never a nurse :p

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I think there are plenty of us who did not grow up wanting to be nurses. I don't think it necessarily has to be something you are driven to do. That being said, right now it is a source of income for you. There are multiple areas of nursing that you could look into and not all of them involve patient care. Do you have your ADN or BSN? If you have your BSN you could look into nursing informatics or nursing research. You most likely can use nursing to enter into another field. As far as the anxiety goes, you most likely have a conditioned response now, especially if you have been anxious for a long time. You should look into some counseling and possibly medication to help with this. You could try some relaxation exercises, these do take a concentrated effort so something you have to work on. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!

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join the club, i hate nursing too; it's not only nursing's fault though, the whole healthcare ordeal in this country is just a shame. by the way, if you loved science, you should have never came to nursing lol

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Specializes in Peds, Oncology.

I hated med surg nursing. I was like you... Miserable and dreaded going in even days before I had to. I knew I couldn't keep going on like that and I questioned what I had gotten myself into. There are lots of other areas of nursing, you've just got to get out and find another place that is better for you before you walk away.

Something that you said.. You like routine, and you want to work independently and at your own pace, I guess I'm kind of the same way, although I work great and fast under pressure too. I have a very routine job (most days anyway) and I'm very independent in my role as a school nurse. Lots of autonomy, but if there's an emergency, I'm the only person. I'm the only healthcare provider for 800 kids. I LOVE my job, wouldn't trade it for the world. Never in a million years thought this is what I would end up doing with my degree, but I'm so glad I am. My point is you might end up in a part of nursing you never thought you would work in and it might be just perfect for you.

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It could be you hate nursing, it could be you hate your specialty. You could stay and switch and see if you like something else. There are a lot of avenues. You could try research nursing? That sounds like it might be more up your alley, although it still involves some level of patient care.

If you think you'd really like to get out of nursing and patient care, don't feel bad about it. Not sure how old you are, but if I'm assuming correctly, you're still young. Don't fall into the sunk cost fallacy. In fact, it's probably a great time to get your bachelor's in some other degree while working to pay the bills? You can switch to part time or per diem if you can get the opportunity, although it's probably too early at this point? If anything, the experience will make you a stronger candidate for whatever future job you want when you graduate with your bachelors, if that is your plan. It's great that you at least recognize it early. If you force yourself to stick with it you may end up feeling bitter and regretful.

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