New Grad Blues

texasbsn · Aug 23, 2008

First of all, I want to state that I am not writing this to "poo poo" upon the nursing profession. I am hoping that by sharing my story:
A. I will feel better for having vented
B. I will maybe get some constructive feedback
C. Have a chuckle or two in the process
D. Maybe some of you will treat your new grad RN's better
I am a very type A, motivated person . I graduated near the top of my BSN class (I was class President) in May 2008 and was accepted to a prestigious MSN program in the same month. At that time, I had several offers but I accepted a new grad RN position in a CVICU. During my interview I felt I asked all the right questions (turnover rates, ratios, floating, etc.). I started my nursing career with a bright and positive outlook.
Flash forward to three months later. I just quit the hell hole. After working there for two weeks I found out the TRUTH...outcomes were the worst in the city for cardiac and stoke, new grad turnover rates were the highest, and I realized that their "culture of loving care" was just bs lip-service. I found out after I started that the cardiologist left, so I was seeing tele overflow patients ALL the time (wow, so not CVICU - and I turned down ACTUAL CVICU's for this job) and that it was all PAPER charting. There is a bs "PBDS" system that doesn't help the new graduate whatsoever. I sit there and take a four hour exam based off of videos of "clinical vignettes" and have someone critique me for two hours. Then I get back a card with ambiguous "concepts" to work on like "managment of care" and "sense of urgency". Excuse me, but I would argue that the seasoned nurse could always improve on these facets of nursing as we are always learning in this profession.
My first preceptor was a nice person. A former unit educator she was very well connected in the organization = politics gallore. All she did was tell me personal unprofessional stories about having sex with her internet boyfriend and how her soon to be ex-husband's love child baby mamma was causing drama. She spent all day on her PDA instant messaging him and put me into dangerous independent practice situations. One time she walked in on me in the process of changing tubing - huffed and puffed and told my nursing manager I had "exposed my patient's PIV to air and knowingly contaminated the system" BS!!!! What a crock!!! She later half-apologized when she realized I was indeed changing the tubing. Then she goes behind my back and tells my manager that I don't take initiative!!! *** she is a horrible PRECEPTOR and I am not going to lose my license because she is lazy. What makes me laugh the most is that she was a former EDUCATOR??? So I ask for a different preceptor --- what a joke process. Administration made such a big deal out of this and after several meetings later I had a new preceptor. The new girl was better but I was already at a disadvantage because she didn't really know where I was "at" and my manager didn't want me starting from scratch. Plus she was friends with my previous preceptor --- politics, blah blah.
NO TECHS here (grr)!!! I felt like the unit tech. The uncompetent new grad who "should be in med/surg her first year" - all I did was blood sugar, turning, oral care, baths, and gave po meds. If I was lucky I could titrate insulin. They sure didn't like it when I read their "ventilator pathway" and it stated to provide oral care q6...JELLO ever heard of VAP?...I got lectured about providing oral care q2 (i.e. waste of time/bad time management). Their equipment was so outdated and OLD I'd never seen pumps like this before and their philosophy on "back priming" makes me want to puke. Also, their "chart by exception" rule makes me nauseus. Yes nursing notes can be excessive but the rule of CYOB applies also. I had five "preceptors" tell me to "chart" differently. I can go on forever.
The thing that gets me the most is that I was humble, always on time, "fake" positive all the time after things started going bad, and went OUT OF MY WAY (even changing my schedule to DAYS). Why do nurses have a culture of "eat their young"? I worked so hard to put myself through school. I thought I went through "hazing" as a student, but I would venture to say new grads get treated WORSE than students.
So here I am. I think I need some sort of SSRI. I'm depressed, wondering if I went to school for the right thing, and wondering if I will ever find a good nursing job.
I don't know what else to say at this point. Thanks for reading!

I am so sorry I am a nrw grad finished last month and know where you are coming from first of I started new grad position med/surg ortho last week everyone very nice,BUT my precepter did not know she was even going to precept,she has only orientata 1 other person and that was a level 2 nursing student ,I watch her work and she is great she is caring and very smart(16 year vet).BUT she really has no idea how to teach my first day before even showing me around unit says I will give you 1 pt,then she is too scared to let me care for pt,also I was not even introdused to any staff until 3 days later,so then I hear stuff like oh expect to have 6 pt on own in one month,this hops uses computer documentation takes more than a day to learn,but presep seems to think I can look over shoulder and know evering from watching,than anohter nurse went to help her out and she was same way nice but,very busy with herpt so was running thorough things such as discharge with me at a very fast pace,not letting me do it on my own,they are great sweet ladies but unsure how to teach ,when I mentioned ltiing reins go a little presep had panic on face.I am 40 years old I am not going to just do somthing not sure of to ptnot sure what to do,nurse manager does not sem receptive ,I am going to give it a little more time if still feel loike not being orientted correctly will ask to go to new flor or get new job. reply so long just wanted to let you know that it seems common occurance the new grad blues, good luck

texasbsn · Aug 23, 2008

I am so sorry I am a nrw grad finished last month and know where you are coming from first of I started new grad position med/surg ortho last week everyone very nice,BUT my precepter did not know she was even going to precept,she has only orientata 1 other person and that was a level 2 nursing student ,I watch her work and she is great she is caring and very smart(16 year vet).BUT she really has no idea how to teach my first day before even showing me around unit says I will give you 1 pt,then she is too scared to let me care for pt,also I was not even introdused to any staff until 3 days later,so then I hear stuff like oh expect to have 6 pt on own in one month,this hops uses computer documentation takes more than a day to learn,but presep seems to think I can look over shoulder and know evering from watching,than anohter nurse went to help her out and she was same way nice but,very busy with herpt so was running thorough things such as discharge with me at a very fast pace,not letting me do it on my own,they are great sweet ladies but unsure how to teach ,when I mentioned ltiing reins go a little presep had panic on face.I am 40 years old I am not going to just do somthing not sure of to ptnot sure what to do,nurse manager does not sem receptive ,I am going to give it a little more time if still feel loike not being orientted correctly will ask to go to new flor or get new job. reply so long just wanted to let you know that it seems common occurance the new grad blues, good luck

sorry for all the spelling mistakes

molly9 · Aug 23, 2008

Wow, that is really too bad that you are experiencing conditions such as this. I would not stay at a place that you are not happy with. There are plenty of other jobs out there that will allow appreciate you and your hard work. Just curious, at 4o yrs, did you switch careers for nursing? Keep your chin up and move forward. Things can only get better. Good luck to you.

Zana2 · Aug 23, 2008

I'll be in your shoes this time next year (hopefully), so I can't speak from experience.

But it strikes me ,from what you are saying, that she felt that being your perceptor (or anybody's for that matter) was a bit too much on her plate.

I encountered this with nurses who weren't really up to scratch and felt threatened by my questioning. They took my honest 'I don't know how to do this, could you please show me' as an occasion to 'pay me back' for the uncomfortable positions I unwillingly put them before, when I was asking a rationale for their action, SO I CAN LEARN. I have been very careful with my wording, I'm a grown up woman, have 12 years of work experience, I know the game.

A workplace like that grinds into your self confidence, patience, you get fed up and can lose sight of your main goals. When she said 'initiative', you think she might have meant 'assertiveness'? Something like:I could explain to you the rationale of my oral care, your experience might contradict this; could we talk about this?'

I know where you're coming from with being humble, on time, available, willing, smiling...I would have loved to work with you. However, it's like hanging a banner over your head: new grad here/student, come and eat me, this bit, the confidence, is very very very fresh, dig in, guys. Because everywhere there's need for a dog's body, she's nice, she's new, before she knows it, she can do a big chunk of our jobs as well, the jobs that don't require too much clinical supervision, not too much responsability, it's easier than teaching her and paying attention to her.

I don't mean to sound patronising, but there are a number of 'tricks' out there that you can learn, I found cognitive behavioural therapy to be a godsend, I'm a novice, but, by god I'm learning fast.

Good luck to you and start looking into getting another job.

OregonGal · Aug 23, 2008

I'm sorry to hear about what has happened. You sound like a person that has the skills and drive necessary for nursing--just need good leaders.

Push onward, so you can eventually precept new grads...THE RIGHT WAY! You go girl!!!!!

tatarn2b2007 · Aug 23, 2008

I am sorry you or any new grad has to go through this. I understand because I went through almost the same thing. I had people telling me I was horrible when my patients loved me and requested to have me back the next night. I heard such things as you are the only nurse I have seen since the am or you are the only one who cares about my pain. That went on for 5 months until I got my new job. I am very happy in my new job so there are jobs out there where you won't be eaten alive. Yes, every job has at least 1 or 2 nurses that will try to exert their power over you. The only thing I can say about that is to stick up for yourself. Don't take the crap. There is no being timid and afraid in nursing because nurses and doctors sense it and they will pounce!! Take a stand and call them out on it and they will respect you. I hope you find that great job that you deserve. Good luck!

sunshineyday · Aug 23, 2008

I am sorry you or any new grad has to go through this. I understand because I went through almost the same thing. I had people telling me I was horrible when my patients loved me and requested to have me back the next night. I heard such things as you are the only nurse I have seen since the am or you are the only one who cares about my pain. That went on for 5 months until I got my new job. I am very happy in my new job so there are jobs out there where you won't be eaten alive. Yes, every job has at least 1 or 2 nurses that will try to exert their power over you. The only thing I can say about that is to stick up for yourself. Don't take the crap. There is no being timid and afraid in nursing because nurses and doctors sense it and they will pounce!! Take a stand and call them out on it and they will respect you. I hope you find that great job that you deserve. Good luck!

Thank you so much! And since my former place of employment :rolleyes: just started their fake "CVICU" we started a gold star system. Funny how out of everyone I had the most. Why does good rapport with patients translate into nurses picking on you?

sunshineyday · Aug 23, 2008

I'll be in your shoes this time next year (hopefully), so I can't speak from experience.
But it strikes me ,from what you are saying, that she felt that being your perceptor (or anybody's for that matter) was a bit too much on her plate.
I encountered this with nurses who weren't really up to scratch and felt threatened by my questioning. They took my honest 'I don't know how to do this, could you please show me' as an occasion to 'pay me back' for the uncomfortable positions I unwillingly put them before, when I was asking a rationale for their action, SO I CAN LEARN. I have been very careful with my wording, I'm a grown up woman, have 12 years of work experience, I know the game.
A workplace like that grinds into your self confidence, patience, you get fed up and can lose sight of your main goals. When she said 'initiative', you think she might have meant 'assertiveness'? Something like:I could explain to you the rationale of my oral care, your experience might contradict this; could we talk about this?'
I know where you're coming from with being humble, on time, available, willing, smiling...I would have loved to work with you. However, it's like hanging a banner over your head: new grad here/student, come and eat me, this bit, the confidence, is very very very fresh, dig in, guys. Because everywhere there's need for a dog's body, she's nice, she's new, before she knows it, she can do a big chunk of our jobs as well, the jobs that don't require too much clinical supervision, not too much responsability, it's easier than teaching her and paying attention to her.
I don't mean to sound patronising, but there are a number of 'tricks' out there that you can learn, I found cognitive behavioural therapy to be a godsend, I'm a novice, but, by god I'm learning fast.
Good luck to you and start looking into getting another job.

You are very perceptive. I actually stated her plate being too full as one of the reasons I needed a different preceptor. I am just chalking this up to a learning experience. Thanks for your reply.

oldiebutgoodie, RN · Aug 23, 2008

I'm also sorry you had to go through this.

My first job was an MICU in a large hospital after getting a BSN at a prestigious nursing school. What disaster. I had 15 (yes, count 'em) preceptors, some being agency nurses. It was basically, "Who will take her today?" Place was full of prima donnas. I left after 4 months.

Next job was in an ICU in a community hospital. Also full of prima donnas, put me in very unsafe situations without any help, etc. etc. I would get "reported" to the manager for having "messy sheets", that I looked "disheveled" (probably from wrestling with agitated patient), etc. etc. Left here after a year.

Next was Med-Surg floor in same community hospital. What a surprise! The people were nice, asked me to go to lunch with them, I learned a lot, got my confidence back.

Now I am a wound and ostomy nurse, and I love it. It's unfortunate that we have to go through these awful experiences before we find our niche. Frankly, I think that ICU's are terrible for new grads, and not because of the lack of skills. I have heard from other friends who had horrible experiences as new grads in the ICU.

So, good luck in whatever you do. Your experience is not unusual, unfortunately, but you will find your place.

Cheers,

Oldiebutgoodie

sunshineyday · Aug 23, 2008

sorry for all the spelling mistakes

No worries! I am sorry that you are going through a lot of the same things I did. The sad thing about this is we should be working together to help PATIENTS...that is why I got into nursing anyway.

clairebearrn · Aug 23, 2008

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm also a new grad orientating in the ER. I'm also having some problems too. I'm being left alone with my patients and my preceptor just tells me to ask her any questions if I need help. aren't they there to guide us???? We don't know the ropes so they should help us. I completely agree. We are there to help them, but to do this they should teach us how. There are some great preceptors!!!! but also some bad ones who expect us to know everything...but we can't. You are being a good nurse and that's all that matters...more knowledge comes with time...good luck ...i hope a,b,c, and d were met!!! hehe :)