Neuro/Trauma Cover Letter Critique Please

[Nurse Kyles, BSN, RN]

if you could please critique this cover letter, i would greatly appreciate it. i tried to be specific to this position i was applying to on the neuro/trauma unit. i have done countless hours of research online, and am trying to make this the best it can be. my friend critiqued this and said that it was "too specific" and that it implies i have not had the standard med/surg experience.

dear hiring manager,

i am writing to express interest in the position for registered nurse on the neuroscience/trauma unit that is posted on the -------------- website. i graduated from ----------- college last month with an associate degree of applied science in nursing, and am taking the national council licensure examination for registered nurses on january 28^th, 2012.

two of my clinical rotations were on the neuroscience/pediatrics unit. my final internship was on the neuroscience/pediatrics/trauma unit at ------------ in -------, usa, which is a level ii trauma center. during these rotations i developed my nursing knowledge and skills through:

• caring for a variety of neuroscience patients with conditions such as epilepsy, stroke, myasthenia gravis, meningitis, parkinson's disease, alzheimer's disease and brain tumors.
  
• providing postoperative cares, treatments and teaching for surgeries such as anterior cervical discectomy and fusion, lumbar micro-discectomy, laminectomy and craniotomy.
  
• management of trauma patients post automobile accidents, hunting tree stand falls and other blunt force traumas.
  
• assessment of stroke patients using the national institute of health stroke scale (nihss) with american heart association nihss certification.
  

in addition to this specialized skills set, ---------- college has provided me with diverse hands on clinical experiences in behavioral health, medical-surgical, cardiology, obstetrics, critical care and long term care. exploring these different facets of nursing first hand has given me the opportunity to utilize the nursing process to provide personalized, compassionate, and quality care.

thank you for considering me for this position. i am a team player that is well organized and detail oriented in the nursing care that i provide. i am confident that my positive attitude, dependability and strong desire for excellence will make me a valuable asset to your organization. i look forward to hearing from you soon to discuss this opportunity in further detail. my references are attached for your convenience.

best regards,

kylee_adns

here is my original letter. i would appreciate critique on both:

january 7, 2012

dear hiring manager,

i am writing to express interest in the position for registered nurse on the neuroscience/trauma unit that is posted on the ---------- website. i graduated from --------------- college last month with an associate degree of applied science in nursing, and am taking the national council licensure examination for registered nurses on january 28^th, 2012.

two of my clinical rotations were on a neuroscience/pediatrics unit. during these rotations i was able to develop my knowledge and skills in neurovascular assessment, neurological procedures and medications. i further expanded these specialized skills through my recent internship on the neuroscience/pediatric/trauma unit at -------- hospital. in this level ii trauma facility, i cared for patients post motor vehicle accident, tree stand fall, and other blunt force trauma accidents. these experiences have given me a solid foundation that i can build on, and make me an ideal candidate for this position in the neuroscience/trauma unit.

------- college has provided me with diverse hands on clinical experiences in neurology, pediatrics, behavioral health, medical-surgical, cardiology, obstetrics, critical care and long term care. exploring these different facets of nursing first hand has given me the opportunity to utilize the nursing process to provide personalized, compassionate, quality care. i have been applying this knowledge in real life emergencies as a member of the severe injury response team at my current employer.

as the first responder in a building of over three hundred associates, i have initiated care in medical emergencies such as myocardial infarction, seizures, concussions, crushing injuries, as well as minor injuries of various types. through these experiences, i have developed a strong sense of critical thinking, decision-making and time management skills.

thank you for considering me for this position. i am enthusiastic, well organized and detail oriented in the nursing care that i provide to each and every patient. i am confident that my positive attitude, dependability and strong desire for excellence will make me a valuable asset to your organization. i look forward to hearing from you soon to discuss this opportunity in further detail. my references are attached for your convenience.

best regards,

kylee_adns

[MsSocalRN]

I see this post is 8 months old but I was curious to see if you got the job you wanted? Btw I thought the letter was great a little long but very thorough! I hope you got the position you wanted wherever it may be!

[smurfynursey]

i would make sure you check your capitalization...

dont want to be nitpicky, but it does reflect in a pretty big way if you leave out basic grammar rules that most us schools teach in 1st grade.

hope you got the job you wanted/want

:)

(My mom is a teacher and it is killing me to leave my note this way! Arrg!)