need input on nursing admission letter

[calihelper]

what do you think of this letter. it is not required to mail anything but i am anyways :)

My life experiences have helped me to realize that nursing is my calling. I feel the best about myself when I am given the opportunity to help and care for others, and It would be my dream to complete the Nursing Program at your incredible institution.

My first memorable experience working with nurses happened through the childhood birth process. I was so empowered by the nurses support, education, and willingness to help. When my sister was been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia she was faced with a stem cell transplant then later a bone marrow transplant. It was wonderful nurses that made my sisters quality of life their mission. My family was so vulnerable and unsure as how to help my sister, we had to rely on competent, compassionate nurses who we knew would advance the best course of action possible.

It was heartbreaking for us to learn that the stem cell transplant was a failure and now she needed a bone marrow transplant. My family members and I decided to organize a bone marrow drive so we could help her find a donor. Our drive was amazing and brought in over 500 people!

Ultimately, my sister didn’t find a match at our bone marrow drive but two other people did. My sister passed away exactly one year after her initial diagnosis. I feel that her illness and death made me who I am today and I know for certain what I want to do with my life. All this experience helped me realize that I was born to help people and it gives me great satisfaction when I am doing it. I am still actively volunteering for bethematch.org and I learned that every person makes a difference and I proved it!

As a caregiver for the Visiting Nurse Association I work in an apartment building with ten residents that are paraplegic or quadriplegic. The residents rely on me and my fellow coworkers for simple day to day activities such as toileting, showering, eating, dressing, cleaning, food preparation, and any personalized goals they have. This job sometimes is physically and emotionally draining but the rewards of putting a smile on a patients face is all worth doing it all again the next day. I have learned that some of the little things such as a smile or acknowledgement towards your patients is as important as the big things such as being there with patients emotionally and physically. This can make such a big difference in a patients life when they are dealing with an illness. I have great compassion and empathy for patients and their loved ones.

I have began taking courses at the Community College of Vermont in Burlington. I have thus far taken Anatomy and Physiology I and II , Nutrition, Psychology, Math Concepts, and Human Growth and Development and excelled in them. It am determined to success and I have exceptional family support. I am in a financially secure position in life upon where all my attention will be to my studies. I have amazing energy and I enjoy being educationally challenged.

I am hoping for the opportunity to fulfill my calling through completion of the Nursing Program at xxxxx. Among the many reasons, xxxx stands out because the NCLEX pass rates are 96% which is much higher than the national average of 78%. In today’s economy it is impressive to have a placement rate of 100% after 4 months of school completion. I would also love to be part of the team and learn from the nurses and doctors at Fletcher Allen Healthcare. I have heard that VT Tech students have a reputation for being well educated and prepared for a career in nursing. I realize that this program is highly competitive but I think my ability to learn through my life experiences, my passion to learn new things and apply them to make someone else’s life better is a good indicator that I will successfully complete the nursing program and become an exceptional nurse. My first choice is to study at the xxxxxxx, but if there is an opportunity and openings in other locations in the state (especially St. Albans) I am willing to travel. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

　

u think of this admissions letter. It is not required to write anything but i did. Does it sounds ok?

[chicagoing, ADN, RN]

Hi there,

I am sorry for the loss of your sister.

It is "optional" to include a personal essay with your application? If not, then I wouldn't send it since (if it is not optional or required), it won't factor into your being accepted or denied to this program.

If you were to submit this essay, I would take a look at grammar and punctuation; those types of errors can be the easiest to correct.

I probably wouldn't include a preference for what seems to be potential clinical sites; that's like putting the horse before the cart if you know what I mean.