My LVN Mother Does Not Give Me Support

[Dottie78]

Hi. After having my 2nd child 3 years ago, I decided to change careers. After working in an office for over 6 years, I decided to go into nursing. I'm currently taking my last pre-req at a community college, and planning to attend an LVN program in May. My ultimate goal is to become an RN through an LVN-to-RN program. My husband and friends are all supportive, but the one person who I thought would be is not - my own mother who was an LVN for over 20 years! This is very hurtful, and at times she says negative things about nursing and I get the feeling she doesn't believe I can do it. Instead of encouraging words, she says things like, "Nursing is a very demanding job. It's not going to be easy." I am well aware that it's a very demanding job. I did a lot of research on the nursing field before I decided this was what I want. I'm not sure if she is this way because she hurt her back and knee over 15 yrs. ago while on the job, and now she's on disability? I'm afraid to tell her anything back, because when I have, we always end up arguing and her crying. I am so excited about becoming a nurse, but I cannot share that excitement with her, because all she is going to do is shoot me down by saying negative things. I do admit that whenever she says something negative, it encourages me even more to try my best! :) Has anyone else ever gone through this before with a family member???

[ginger58, ASN, RN]

Dottie, Your mom spoke the truth that "nursing is a very demanding job...it won't be easy." But determination and enthusiasm will get you through. I don't think she's thinking you can't do it. Sounds like she's had a painful experience and she wants to protect you by discouraging you.

I can say that I started nursing in the 70s and nursing was a lot different then. I think some of us are regretting the changes of more paperwork, less time with the patient, much sicker patients with longer lifespans and lots of meds. We are being asked to move larger patients and people are getting hurt. This is finally being addressed by government as well as patient to staff ratios.

So, with all that said, I think nursing is a wonderful career and it needs enthusiastic people like yourself. What your mom says or doesn't say isn't about you--it's about her baggage. Go for it and take the support of the people that give it to you and run with it. Count me in!

[RN1989]

For some reason, we humans always want our parents approval and support of what we do. There comes a time when you have to realize that you are an adult and you do not require your parents permission, approval, or support of what you do. It is difficult when this happens, but the truth is - If you really want to do it, ignore your mother and just do it. Sorry, but mommy doesn't always know best for us. Just like you cannot let your career define your whole life, you cannot let your family define who you are either. So just DO IT! And then won't you feel great when you graduate and can secretly stick your tongue out at your mother and go "Na na na na". :)

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I have had to learn to pursue my dreams without any support from family members. Unfortunately, my family is not oriented to education, and the entire process of college is very alien to them. I was born to working-class parents who did not attend college and, therefore, do not understand the reasons for general education classes, prerequisites, remedial classes, etc. They would always ask me questions such as, "Why are you taking science classes? Isn't that a waste of time? What type of job could an English class possibly get you? Why are you taking college math if you already had math classes in high school?"

Until recently, my family thought that anyone from off the street could start attending nursing school without any prior classes or testing. My father once thought that an associate degree could be earned in 1 year. I think the general public remains blissfully unaware that community college nursing programs often take longer than 2 years to complete.

I'm 26 years old and, at this point in my life, I owe an explanation to nobody. I hope that the original poster will pay close attention to the positive and negative aspects of nursing, and arrive at an informed decision. Whatever you decide, I hope you succeed.