My experience as a new grad; Need reassurance

[Tornadochaser]

OK, I want to get this experience off my chest and have some reassurance from some other nurses. I graduated and passed NCLEX. When I first graduated, I was upgraded at a small local hospital that i worked in through school. After only a months experience, I was working in the night shift ER with another nurse. Ok remember that I was/still am fresh out of school.

OK, so the ambulance brings in this teenager who had his throat cut. I was the one who ran into the trauma room and received him. Although I had another RN working with me at the time, the ER was full so I was doing the care. I held lots of pressure and bolused fluids into him. I had a doctor at bedside the entire time while we waited on the surgery team to arrive. He was losing massive amounts of blood obviously. I continued to hold pressure and squeezed NS in. I even had to hang a unit of 0 pos straight without blood tubing (of course I understand that in life-threatening emergencies the rules dont apply). I was the one who put him down with versed and succs for intubation. Now this guy was fully A&O the entire time until intubation. Make a long story short, he didn't make it.

I am having a hard time getting him out of my head. I have seen many codes already. But this was different; this was a young man. Basically Im looking for reassurement that I performed adequately and has anyone else had a similar event? Thanks

[love-d-OR]

I'm not a very an experienced nurse (newbie just like you), and no I have never experienced a similar incident. But I just wanted to say :icon_hug:

Stop beating yourself up, death is guaranteed. We, as health professionals can either slow the progression or make it painless, but we certainly can't do the work of G-d. Unfortunately this will not be the last time you will deal with death, however, you will probably handle the next one more easily. If it not a big issue for you, I would recommend you talk to your preceptor about your feelings. Remember she/he has probably gone through the same problem at some point in their career. Best of wishes