Missouri BON Hearing in December (encouragement/advice appreciated)

Published

Specializes in med-surg, trauma, ortho, neuro, LTC.

Well I have my hearing next month. I haven’t  spoken with the BON at all because I was hoping to hire an attorney, but due to unforeseen family medical issues I was unable to afford one. I think they have put some type of “block” on my license to get my attention since my hearing is in 4 wks and I haven’t been in contact with them at all. I got some notification from nursys enotifty and it looks like my license number and expiration date are wiped out of the system, and HR has been blowing up my phone today (I was asleep- I work nights) so I’m guessing my employer got the same notification about my license being *on hold*— I mean it can’t technically be a formal suspension since my hearing hasn’t occurred, right? Pretty sure the BON is trying to force me to communicate with them. Point taken. I’m calling this week but I just want to be as prepared as possible. 
 

I’m going to be honest and tell them I diverted. I took medications with the intention of ending my life so I didn’t care if I was caught. I ended up dumping most meds into the sharps container before I left my shift that day, but I because I didn’t return things, the discrepancies were detected. I think I ended up with a couple vials at home but things are pretty shady. Not because I was impaired— but because I dissociate a lot from that period in time. 
 

I have struggled with all kinds of addictions my whole life. I put myself through detox from alcohol dependency many years ago. I have abused controlled substances half my life. I’ve been a binge eater on and off, as well as a compulsive shopper. I have impaired coping mechanisms and a ridiculously high ACES score. While this entire thing SUCKS— I’m glad I was caught, because I would have died. I never would have fixed my life or addressed my past traumas or addictions. 
 

I know I don’t have an attorney. I know the BON isn’t my friend. Missouri doesn’t have any type of rehabilitation program to avoid discipline. I’m gonna get disciplined at the very least. Has anyone had experience with Missouri? What can I expect? Does anyone have general advice? I would like to keep my license but I definitely can’t afford an intensive rehab program. I’m gonna probably be working at Starbucks or McDonald’s while I’m suspended. NA, free support groups and random drug testing are most likely the best I can do. 
 

I’m calling the BON this week for the first time during this entire investigation and I’m just going to be honest about all the personal medical issues that have been going on with my daughter and me— as well as the fact that I didn’t speak with them sooner because I was hoping to retain counsel. My life has been a devastating nightmare during the past year and I have receipts to prove it. 
 

I want to cooperate with them and keep my license. Please share any advice. Encouragement, prayers, virtual hugs and good vibes are also appreciated. ❤️
 

 

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER / ICU.

I diverted a drug with the intention of ending my life as well, have no other history of addiction or abuse, or diversion. My state offers a provider assistance program, which I am in currently. I have no advice other than it *really* would be in your best interest to retain an attorney, but I understand money doesn't fall out of the sky. I can't imagine what a state without an assistance program would do...it's a huge money making scheme in my state. I wish you so much luck, and please keep us updated?  

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in med-surg, trauma, ortho, neuro, LTC.

Thanks for the input... I am probably gonna be homeless if I am physically unable to work enough hours at a lower wage to pay for food and shelter. I was paying $1000+ out of pocket PER WEEK for the last 8 months to treat my daughter’s illness. So yes, an attorney is out of the question. I don’t have the kind of credit to borrow money, either. So I’m kind of stuck without counsel. ? 

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency & LDRP.

I myself have been looking for a good Missouri BON lawyer and have not found one, I will let you know if I do come across one with a manageable fee. I had a TERRIBLE one in Ohio, and now live in MO and trying to see if can fix a permanently revoked license. I would cut all that down to a couple of minimum sentences. I know they record everything and it is used against you in your hearing. Please keep us updated on how it is going. I am following your question and would be a good ear if you need to message someone to talk. I lost my license 5 years ago, and it has taken a lot of time to be 100% ready to attempt to return to nursing in the way I should. With clear eyes and an open clear mind. My thoughts are with you!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in med-surg, trauma, ortho, neuro, LTC.

LDER RN- good for you! That takes a lot of bravery to enter back into the field after having been stripped of all your dignity (at least- that’s what I imagine it will be like for me when I’m suspended or revoked... ughhh makes me physically ill even thinking about it). I applaud you for doing the hard work it must’ve required to be clean and to deal with all the traumas associated with your life and your situation. I truly want to be a more stable person who has grown from my past in a healthy way. I look up to you and wish you all the best. *hugs* 

Can I ask what you did for work in the meantime? What kind of work did you enter into once your nursing license was revoked? Was it difficult to find work? I will work at Taco Bell if I have to, but was brainstorming other jobs that may incorporate my years of clinical experience without practicing as an actual nurse. I can’t think of any. I’m also not in the best psychological headspace right now so maybe others will have some useful input. 

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency & LDRP.

I did private duty home care sales/marketing, Sales/Marketing @ at an assisted living, sales/marketing for Insurance, Side business of website setup, business advertising and marketing materials and creation. $ was better at Assisted living than nursing ever was, and it was day shift with way more perks. It has been ruff, I have no idea how it will go when I get my petition completed and sent to the board. I am trying to search online how to write an explanation of why my license was revoked and why I should be given a chance here in Missouri. I have been looking at the app for 3 years and just been so scared to try for fear and anxiety gets the best of me. I don't know if I have to go in person in front of the board if I could do it. Too much anxiety! It has taken a lot of time, and I still look back at my mistakes and feel I don't deserve to get my license back, I feel like I failed my family. I am no longer the stable breadwinner of the family. I know if the board makes me tell my Dr. & explain my meds and what not I can't/won't do that. I do not want to ruin all I have worked for. I have tried to grow and improve and never want to let anyone bully me into anything and have a complete breakdown like I did that caused this. I am the most stable I have ever been, but I really want those 2 letters back behind my name where they belong.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.

Recommend to check the The American Association of Nurse Attorneys  to see if one is available in your area with experience before the board of nursing.

Protect yourself -- you can sign up for Lorie Brown RN, MN, JD audio file "What Happens If I Get Called Before The Board?"   Her book "Law and Order for Nurses" might be of assistance ~ $25.

Since  your name and license number is no longer viewable in Nursys,  received notice from them along with calls from work,  probably means it is suspended pending BON hearing, therefore no longer eligible to work even if license expiration date not yet reached.  If you have , they should be contacted YESTERDAY to help you through this situation.

Facilities offering Employee assistance programs =EAP, can help you link with counseling/treatment and some even offer free legal advice.  Please do not go before the BON alone.  There are resources available to help protect your livelihood, please reach out.

 

 

 

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Family Medicine.

What was the final result of your hearing ?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.
On 11/13/2021 at 9:25 PM, blackpear1981-MSN said:

What was the final result of your hearing ?

Per OP first post, hearing not yet held ---will take place ~ 4 weeks.  Many Boards of nursing are extremely slow in having hearings after a complaint made due to research/lack BON investigators, can be a year or more in some states.

 

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion