Rules for Michigan Drivers

U.S.A. Michigan

Published

Rules for Michigan Drivers

1.. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see

how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right

as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to

squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange

construction barrels.

2... Turn signals will give away your next move.

A real Michigan driver never uses them.

3... Under no circumstances should you leave a safe

distance between you and the car in front of you, or the

space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an

even more dangerous situation.

4... Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is

considered going with the flow.

5... The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller

the chance you have of getting hit.

6... Never get in the way of an older car that needs

extensive bodywork. Michigan is a no-fault insurance

state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

7... Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to

ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing

foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of

you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

8... Construction signs tell you about road closures

immediately after you pass the last exit before the

traffic begins to back up.

10... The new electronic traffic warning system signs are

not there to provide useful information. They are only

there to make Michigan look high-tech and to distract

you from seeing the state police car parked in the median.

11... Never pass on the left when you can pass on the

right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

12... Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as

suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the

metro area during rush hour.

13... Just because you're in the left lane, and have no

room to speed up, or move over, doesn't mean that a

Michigan driver flashing his high beams behind you

doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

14... Please remember that there is no such thing as a

shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Michigan.

15... Always slow down and rubberneck when you see

an accident or even someone changing a tire.

16... Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the

landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely,

and give Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

17... Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,

especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin

peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.

18... Learn to swerve abruptly.

19... Michigan is the home of high-speed slalom driving

thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key locations

to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

20... It is traditional in Michigan to honk your horn at

cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

21... Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes

your right of way.

22... Never take a green light at face value. Always look

right and left before proceeding. (see #5)

23... Remember that the goal of every Michigan driver is

to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

24... Real Michigan women drivers can put on pantyhose

and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in

bumper-to-bumper traffic.

25... In Michigan 55 is the speed at which you leave

the driveway.

26... Heavy snow, ice, fogs, and rain are no reasons to

change any of the previously listed rules. These weather

conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection

process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle Rules for Michigan Drivers

1.. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see

how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right

as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to

squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange

construction barrels.

2... Turn signals will give away your next move.

A real Michigan driver never uses them.

3... Under no circumstances should you leave a safe

distance between you and the car in front of you, or the

space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an

even more dangerous situation.

4... Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is

considered going with the flow.

5... The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller

the chance you have of getting hit.

6... Never get in the way of an older car that needs

extensive bodywork. Michigan is a no-fault insurance

state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

7... Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to

ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing

foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of

you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

8... Construction signs tell you about road closures

immediately after you pass the last exit before the

traffic begins to back up.

10... The new electronic traffic warning system signs are

not there to provide useful information. They are only

there to make Michigan look high-tech and to distract

you from seeing the state police car parked in the median.

11... Never pass on the left when you can pass on the

right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

12... Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as

suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the

metro area during rush hour.

13... Just because you're in the left lane, and have no

room to speed up, or move over, doesn't mean that a

Michigan driver flashing his high beams behind you

doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

14... Please remember that there is no such thing as a

shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Michigan.

15... Always slow down and rubberneck when you see

an accident or even someone changing a tire.

16... Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the

landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely,

and give Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

17... Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,

especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin

peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.

18... Learn to swerve abruptly.

19... Michigan is the home of high-speed slalom driving

thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key locations

to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

20... It is traditional in Michigan to honk your horn at

cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

21... Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes

your right of way.

22... Never take a green light at face value. Always look

right and left before proceeding. (see #5)

23... Remember that the goal of every Michigan driver is

to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

24... Real Michigan women drivers can put on pantyhose

and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in

bumper-to-bumper traffic.

25... In Michigan 55 is the speed at which you leave

the driveway.

26... Heavy snow, ice, fogs, and rain are no reasons to

change any of the previously listed rules. These weather

conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection

process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. sales.

:chuckle :chuckle

renerian, BSN, RN

5,693 Posts

Specializes in MS Home Health.

Hahah being from Ohio and grown up near the ohio line/michigan line those rules are true LOL! Michiganders are fast drivers!

renerian

RN 2005

237 Posts

Yes, that explains why there are tons of Michigan people pulled over on 75 the minute you cross the border into Ohio! I swear those Ohio police will get you every time.......

joyflnoyz, LPN

356 Posts

Specializes in home health.

"MICHIGAN: an ancient Indian word meaning "Land of the Self Propagating Orange Barrels"

edited for typos

prmenrs, RN

4,565 Posts

Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

My cousin told me that in Michigan there are 2 seasons: winter and construction.

aimeee, BSN, RN

932 Posts

Originally posted by renerian

Michiganders are fast drivers!

renerian

:chuckle That's what we say here about the Illinois drivers!!

joyflnoyz, LPN

356 Posts

Specializes in home health.

heehee Texas has 4 seasons.. (construction doesn't count, cuz it never ends!) Summer, Summer, Summer and Hell

glassam

18 Posts

These are LOL funny!! Thanks, RN2005!

GR8RN2B

14 Posts

Oh give me a home..right on Lake Michigan......

Ok I can't sing...I love these.

I'm originally from Michigan, and every time I come home it just happens to be during the construction season....can you imagine?

Love it in the summer...can do without the snow in the winter

perkines212

14 Posts

Originally posted by prmenrs

My cousin told me that in Michigan there are 2 seasons: winter and construction.

Yeah and they both last way too long

ruca30

15 Posts

OMG that is hilarious! Haven't laughed out loud in a while, thanks!

JACALA_CL

76 Posts

HOW TRUE, HOW TRUE!

THAT WAS AWESOME! I AM SENDING IT TO MY FAMILY.

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