Discrimination Against Men in Nursing

Nurses Men

Published

The following is a quote from a paper written by Shawn Gardiner describing a scenario in which discrimination in nursing against men is wide spread, oppressive, and accepted. I agree with him completely with regard to the same. I am a male RN, a paralegal, and a biochemist.

The Web site for the organization under which the quote was posted is entitled "Nurses Forum". It's URL is:http://www.nurses-forum.com/

The URL for the web site containing the quote is:http://www.nurses-forum.com/ubbthreads/printthread.php?Board=men&main=9617&type=post

"I just did a paper for freshman english here at Syracuse University, and happened to find this forum while researching. This is my paper if you're interested ...

The Hyper-Visibility of the Male Nurse and the Invisibility of the Male Nurse's Discrimination and Struggles

Nursing has been a profession throughout history. The first known record of nursing as a profession was in ancient Rome when groups of men organized to treat victims of the plague. The first American nurses were medics during the civil war; most of which were male. Women nurses, although the minority gained much recognition due to their involvement, and in 1901 the United States Nurse Corp was formed, a strictly female organization. Since then, the nursing profession has become primarily female dominated and therefore schools, organizations and workplaces all have turned towards female interests. In response to these actions and divisions, the nursing profession became stereotypically female in the mind of society, and the male nurse became invisible. The hyper-visibility of female nurses is very prevalent today, even as more male nurses join the nursing workforce. The new merge of males into the nursing profession is due to many different issues including higher pay, a greater demand for nurses, and an improvement in tolerance and understanding of diversity in society. Still, male nurses are stereotyped and face struggles in the classroom and in their profession. This is the result of decades of generalizing nurses as female, and in turn, male nurses face discrimination from educators, patients, and other nurses. Male nurses struggle with the stereotypes placed on them due to the dominance of women in the nursing practices. In this way, male nurses are not easily accepted by society, even with growing numbers in the field and people and groups pushing for equality for male nurses.

The Civil War began to shape nursing in America into its modern form. At that time males were the dominant gender in the field, because nursing was based around the military, and the military was primarily male. However, female nurses were most recognized for their nursing efforts in the war and still are today. A hyper-visibility of female nurses began due to the fact that women on the battlefield were a rarity. Women who undertook this job were the first to be a part of the on battle site military, and therefore were honored as daring and courageous, much more so than male military nurses. The, then, newfound popularity and familiarity of the female nurse drastically transformed the profession into being female dominated. In the late 1800's the American Nurses Association (ANA) was formed, then under the name Nurses Associated Alumnae and was strictly female. This rule remained until 1930 when the organization began to accept men, but in a once all female organization, male membership was rare. The United States Nurse Corp formed as part of the military in 1901 was also strictly female. It wasn't until the Korean War when men were finally allowed into this division. These two organizations dominated the two occupational fields in the United States, public and governmental. In this way these associations, not only affected, but guided the segregation in the field of nursing from their formation around the turn of the 19th century with decades of strict codes against male nurses.

Male nurses, today, account for about 5.7 percent of the Registered and Professional Nurses in America, the most popular types of nurses, and 5.4 percent of all nursing professions. In nursing schools, about 13% of students are male. This shows a strong rise in the male interest in the field of nursing. Increased male interest in the field of nursing can be tied to several issues. First, nursing school enrollment is down, and there is now a shortage of nurses in many areas throughout the United States. This has provoked interest in males because nursing is now a field with many job and advancement opportunities that other professions can no longer offer. Also, due to the increased need and also increased specialization of nurses, the wage of nurses is rising at a higher rate than many other professions. A job as a nurse can be a very efficient job for a male in a household with both working parents. In addition, with the growing acceptance and tolerance of breaking gender barriers in society today, males are more willing, and less embarrassed, to enter a female dominated field.

In addition to the increased advantages of males entering nursing, schools and job providers are also taking new steps to promote males into the nursing profession. A new slogan "Are you man enough to wear white" is part of a campaign by medical educators. This statement is specifically designed to break the feminine stereotype of nurses and, in contrast, promote a masculine attitude about the profession. This type of campaign has been successful because the rate of males to females entering nursing school has risen greatly. Sadly however, dropout rates in nursing schools for male nurses are higher than those for male nurses. After completion of college or nursing school, male nurses continue to struggle. Male nurses have a significantly lower job satisfaction and leave the profession at twice the rate of female nurses. This is most likely due to many factors that have risen due to the female dominance of the occupation.

Gender discrimination for nurses begins in the classroom where classes are focused primarily towards the female student. Books and other materials, especially older references can refer to nurses as "she", indicating all nurses are female, and mention males only as patients or doctors, never nurses. In this way, males have been placed in a learning environment with a sharp female bias. In the workplace, male nurses often stand out against the female nurses and are often treated differently by their supervisors, co-workers, and patients. In this way, male nurses feel and often are forced to perform at at a higher standard due to their hyper-visibility. Patients often resent or even reject male nurses, because they are uncomfortable, probably due to stereotypes and mental preconceptions. This is especially evident in labor and delivery departments of hospitals where male nurses may not be permitted either by their job description or patient request.

The nursing occupation is generally stereotyped as feminine, because of the job history and also qualities of a typical nurse. Nurses are expected to be caring, gentle, and compassionate, qualities stereotyped as female and rejected by males. In this way, male nurses have to break this barrier and in doing so are often generalized as feminine. This can lead to accusations of homosexuality or weakness, both strong and damaging classifications to males in modern society. These stereotypes are often very hard to deal with, and take strong self-confidence to get over. In addition, male nurses can be seen as unmotivated and under-achievers, as compared to other medical professionals, primarily doctors. These stereotypes can cause embarrassment and stress among male nurses in the workplace, and in public, which most likely leads to the high quitting rate.

Media has a large role in the portrayal of male nurses to the public. Movies and TV shows reflect life situations in a surreal manner, often times using stereotypes for character development and humor. One such from of media is "Meet the Parents" in which the character Gaylord (Greg) Focker, played by Ben Stiller, is a male nurse. The name "Gaylord Focker" is an obvious stereotypical characterization, which immediately implies homosexuality. His personality is depicted as flamboyant and his speech flippant. Engaged to his fiancée, Pam, Greg is criticized and made fun of by Pam's parents, specifically her father, for his homosexual-like flamboyancy, tall tales, and most importantly his occupation as a nurse. In a dialogue from the movie, Greg's occupation is clearly diminished by the characters of Jack Byrnes and Bob Banks.

Jack: Greg's in medicine too.

Bob: What field?

Greg: Nursing.

Bob: Ha ha ha ha. No really, what field are you in?

Greg: Nursing.

In this conversation, nursing as a male profession is clearly rejected, by the character of Bob, as a means for satirical humor. The laughing and requisitioning implies a denial of the possibility of a male nurse and is direct and demeaning. Through these types of media portrayal of male nurses, society is not only given the idea that males do not belong in the nursing profession but also that using male nurse stereotypes is acceptable for humor.

Humor, derived from males in the nursing profession, can come from sources outside of the media. T-shirts sold online at AllHeart.com can be found with the saying "Be nice to me/ when you're in the hospital/ Your butt is in My hands!" The T-shirt, entitled "Be Nice to Male Nurses Medical Humor T-Shirt" can be bought for $14.98 plus shipping and handling. This commercial example of humor expands the exploitation of male nurses, by almost literally selling the stereotypes. This T-shirt directly attacks and generalizes male nurses as aggressive and dangerous. The "Be nice to me..." statement, demonstrates a demand for power, which can lead the fear and suspicion of male nurses, both by patients and co-workers. In the utmost irony, the T-shirt is directly targeted for sale to male nurses, which are the people it is segregating against. A male in the nursing profession, who wears the shirt, would in fact be generalizing himself, and therefore only adding to the stereotypes that lead to the suspicion and fear as well as the other negative mentalities associated with male nurses.

Males in nursing have strong opinions toward the stereotypes and generalizations as well as the discrimination that these mindsets create. A poll by Male Nurse Magazine posed the question, "Do you feel that males are represented fairly within nursing?" In response almost two-thirds, over 65%, chose the response, "No, I feel we are overlooked at this time". According Male Nurse Magazine an increase in the choice of the "No ..." response has risen in rate, from previous surveys that posted the same question and choices. A clear majority of male nurses do feel that inequalities occur for them either in or outside of the workplace. This majority is growing, and therefore the broadness and importance of the unfairness is also increasing.

Males in the nursing profession are both invisible and hyper-visible in the scope of society. Visually in the work place they are hyper-visible because they stand out in a strongly female dominated profession. To patients and coworkers a nurse that has a title beginning with Mr. is unusual and therefore treated in a different manner. Patients and staff often deal with, and have different standards, for male nurses. This only adds to the hyper-visibility of the male nurse. Males in nursing are invisible in that their struggles and efforts to revise bias in nursing often times are under appreciated or unnoticed. Society and the media are not as interested in male nurses breaking gender barriers as women in male profession. Also, Women are usually given more respect and credibility for their efforts in breaking their barriers. In this way, male nurse occupational gender barrier movements are hyper-visible, especially compared to the women's movements.

Male nurses face the same type of struggles, and often at a higher level, than females breaking gender barriers in other professions. The typically suppressed female worker along with other groups are using several types of discrimination to hold back males in the field of nursing. This reveals a reverse segregation for male nurses which is gaining throughout society. Whereas stereotypes of certain groups are highly discouraged and penalized in today's society, jokes and generalizations of male nurses are often accepted in both society and the media. This greatly hampers the male nursing movements, and greatly affects male nurses in their confidence and mentality. This can lead to poorer job performance and poorer job satisfaction. Many male nurses are pushed to the point of leaving their job. The discrimination that male nurses face in America today needs to be recognized by society so that acceptance and respect can be given to both male and female nurses equally. If not, the previous stereotypes will remain, and male nurses will continue to be held down, unable to ever experience gender equality in nursing."

-Shawn

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End of Quote

:angryfire

Hello,

How are you stereotyped and discriminated against? By patients? Coworkers? What do they say to you? I only ask because I enjoy all of the nurses that I work with that are men. I don't treat them any differently except maybe not mentioning my "female" problems in front of them... but other than that... I have a lot of respect for them... the same respect I have for nurses that are female.

Why do you care so much? Okay so you're a nurse, not a MALE nurse, but a NURSE. As long as you keep doing you're job, IGNORE all of the ignorant people, don't let them bring you down!

So what if the profession is dominated by women? As you said, interest is growing so maybe one day in the future it will be different.

Anyways, I personally think that nurses, male, female, whatever... ROCK!

~Crystal

Hey Y'all

I am having a day off and did a quick Google about this lil' issue, not to beat a dead horse, ya understand, just to satisfy my curiosity. Seems there's actually not much literature regarding 'gender issues' in Nursing.

Which is interesting all by itself.

I found that the Australian journal of Peri-operative nurses (AORN) has a couple of articles about sexual harassment and 'horizontal violence' (Nov '02 and Dec '03). Whether the unique atmosphere of the OR can be generalized for the entire profession is kind a debatable, but for what it's worth--45% of "traumatic events" in Aussie OR's involve sexual harassment. By a margin of 3 1/2 to 1, victims were women. They say 69-85% of nurses report being sexually harassed. (Hey, we all know about surgeons, right?)

In the same article they cite a survey of 188 critical care nurses in which 46% reported being sexually harassed-and that 82% of the harassers are MDs.

In the Dec '03 issue is an article on the sociology of the health-care professions in which Physicians are portrayed as an 'oppressor' and Nurses as self-hating victims. Not much satistical backing in the article and to tell the truth--it seems a little too 'politically correct' for even an unapoligetic Liberal like myself.

The is a poll published in Nursing Management magazine in Jan 05 comparing male and female Nurses' job satisfaction in one large hospital in the western US. Men were a little more likely to find their work satisfying. (Men: 5.667, Women: 5.110, Standard Deviation: 1.15)

I'll spare everybody the bibliographies and etc. (But I do remember how to do 'em .)

Papaw John

(in my pajamas ALL DAY LONG)

Specializes in ER, ICU, Education.

I beleive discrimination is more a matter of perception. In nearly all cases a female unit manager perfers to hire a male nurse, as many have actually told me. But even if they havent actually said it they still tend to perfer males, anytime I see one interviewed by any of my supervisors they get hired if they dont have any felonies, anyway. I know there are a lot of man hating women out there, and darn it they seem to be everywhere. I just think most discrimination is in our favor. Who else would they call when they need to turn a 400+lbs patient?

Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.

Ive never felt discriminated against at all, and Ive worked quite a few different areas in nursing.for over a quarter of a century now.

Ive known 2 guys who stated they were being harassed and discriminated against. I listened to both of them and in my mind their concerns to me seemed absolutely baseless and without merit. They were also both chronic whiners and I feel they were just looking for a settlement offer of cash.

Im not saying it cant happen to men, Im sure it probably does. But im not certain its as prevalent as some would like to say.

Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.
:

http://www.bangornews.com/news/templates/?a=117574&z=176

Lawsuit alleges sexual harassment

BANGOR - Fed up with comments such as "men are jerks" and "men are idiots,"

a former male nurse at Eastern Maine Medical Center

has filed a lawsuit in federal court alleging he was sexually harassed by

the female nursing staff and discriminated against on

the basis of gender.

He is seeking a jury trial and punitive and compensatory damages. A trial

date has not been set.

Lufkin worked as a registered nurse in the intensive care unit at EMMC from

1998 through mid-2004. Incidents cited in the

complaint, filed last month in U.S. District Court in Bangor, occurred in

2003 and 2004.

Lufkin's complaint outlined in the lawsuit includes allegations that he was:

. Told to shut up by female co-workers and supervisors when he tried to

offer an opinion.

. Subjected to or threatened with acts of physical humiliation or

aggressiveness by co-workers.

. Given verbal and written warnings for alleged performance-related issues

as retaliation for workplace complaints.

. Denied advancement and career opportunities in ICU even though female

co-workers were offered positions.

. Threatened with discipline although he had been granted a leave of

absence.

As a result of the working conditions in ICU, the nurse has not worked at

EMMC since last summer, according to Baldacci. Lufkin

currently is not employed.

I read this carefully, and granted we dont know fully what happened and its terrible that it did, if it did... But somehow or another reading this leaves me to wonder what their side is. Im certainly not convinced there is any merit to this, other than sensationalism and dramatics on his part. I also dont know fully his side of it either. But I cant imagine any male, and I have never been, or felt subjected to and or threatened with acts of physical humiliation or aggressiveness by co workers is thats whats meant.

Specializes in ER, ICU, Education.
Am I the only guy here who didn't see the Gaylord Focker character as a "flamboyant" one?

Just because he wasn't portrayed as a tobacco chewing man's man who only talks about sports, hunting, and women (likely indicator of closet homosexuality) doesn't mean that he has "homosexual-like flamboyancy." I know a good share of straight guys who I'd characterize as more feminine than his character was to me. He was a regular guy with insecurity about impressing his future in-laws and made for a great movie, IMHO.

I think it was a comedy intended to play on the old stereotypes of Gaylord's future father-in-law's generation, and in his day it wasn't as acceptable for men to be nurses. I think that this paper took that movie a little too seriously.

Just my opinion, and I'm not denying that discrimination exists, but if men in nursing are so discriminated against, then why does it seem to me that the better paying areas of nursing seem to have the highest population of men working in them?

I mean, I rarely see male nurses when I'm in a clinic, doctor's office, etc.(typically lower paying positions) yet the majority of CRNA's that I have contact with in OR everyday are men. I've worked LTC and have often been the only male nurse in the entire building but have yet to be the only male working in any ICU and sometimes we outnumber the women in these areas on any given night.

Of course that's not all the time but we are still only a tiny percentage of the overall nursing workforce so it's obvious to me that we are concentrated in certain (and often better paying) areas.

I realize that male nursing students or nurses are sometimes encouraged/pushed into pursuing these areas by their own instructors or colleagues and are often discouraged from working in places like the nursery due to gender bias but I still think this paper went a little out in left field in it's description of male discrimination in the profession.

I chew bubble gum, I like to talk about football, fishing and women, think I should be concerned about my orientation? I would hate to have to tell my wife. Anyway, just kidding around. I am sure there is some discrimination. I had not read article #1 when I made my eairler reply. It does give one something to think about.

I'm a student currently and a first year at that, but what I am in no way new to is working in female dominated offices. By the word dominated, I meant that I have many times been the only male on my team, in my department and once even in the whole office/business itself. I sought out positions from age sixteen where I could make a difference for people. McDonald's didn't cut it for me. Working at the local hospital did. I tend to concentrate on my work more than the demographics of the populace I work with. That's just me. I have of course been the subject of many jokes about it, and I have heard many conversations and been involved in them where the topic was man hating and how stupid my gender is. My idea is this. Women tend to talk to their co-workers. Men tend to talk more to their friends, workout partners, fishing and drinking buddies, whatever the case may be. So if I am at work and someone is having a conversation the timbre of which doesn't suit me, I remove myself from it. I have never felt that any of this is discriminatory in any way. now at 32 and as a first year nursing student in a class of 80, there are 6 men. One of us has already dropped out of the program. So really there are 5. I have yet to see anything close to discrimination, by my definition. So far all of my instructors seem to be fair and equal with all of us. We are student nurses to them, not males or females really. I would imagine that certain issues may arise once clinicals start and I have read about those that may occur in the OB round, but it's a challenge I look forward to. My fear of the OB and Peds rotations has nothing to do with my gender or how other people perceive me, it stems from my lack of confidence in my abilities to perform on those floors. A year ago I was too afraid to open the packet with the application in it for this program I am now a part of, and look how well that worked out. My first day alone on my current job I was terrified to be alone in a room with my patient for 10 minutes to discuss his financial situation and insurance (I work for a substance abuse hospital), but I am still there after nearly two years and I usually see 12-15 patients a day. I figure .. bring it on, but I have no plans to make it personal or gender related. I am certain that plenty of people male and female alike in many carreers have at some point been discriminated against, thankfully I am not one of them, nor do I feel the need to become irate about something and feel I am owed something just because I am a male and the plaintiff was as well.

Yes it happens.

Some times though it's hard to decide what is discrimination and what is just a reflection of the cultural norm. The simple sad fact is that it is currently "cool" for women to be man haters.

My wife was talking about this, the other day. She was with a bunch of other women talking about how men are dogs and so on. She didn't join in and someone said, "oh I forgot, you love men and think they are great". She doesn't think all men are great but we have a very good marriage and she knows that ALL men are not dogs and doesn't give in to the peer pressure to join in on the man hating so thus, she is made to feel not a part of the group.

To make the situation more complicated, In many cases the man haters have good reason to hate individual men. Now I'm not saying that their attitudes should be extended to all men but I can see why they have a hard time not generalizing. The things other men do to women continually astonish me. We live in a confusing time where shifting gender roles have left men floundering and having difficulty finding a mold to fit.

Back in the old days men were strong, domineering and providers for their family. It wasn't seen as politically incorrect to boss women around or to play knight in shining armor to their damsel in distress. Now its wrong to be domineering yet it is even worse to be sissy or XXXXX whipped so this leaves guys with a very thin line to walk and honestly it is impossible to fit everyone's expectation of what men should be in today's world. I think this is what leads to so many men letting women down.

Still I find comments made by many women offensive now I don't go running to file a complaint and I can't even fault them because I also hear them talking about the awful, awful things men have done to them. It makes me sad for both men and women.

I have also seen real discrimination and been subject to it on both racial and gender basis. The problem here is that most of the discriminators are not evil villains that set out to make all men pay (although sometimes they are). They instead are otherwise perfectly nice people compelled by (many times repressed) feelings of resentment toward men or by stereotypical views (unrealistic) of what is proper for one gender or the other. It is therefore impossible to verbally convince these people that they are doing something wrong. It is however possible with lots and lots of patients to prove yourself to some (not all) of them. Yet the price for this is often too high. I mean how much abuse do you want to take to prove yourself to someone that hates you?

I used to work at a place where I was the continual butt of jokes. Where I was always suspected of not working or of stealing or hiding ...etc...Etc. I know that some of the accusations made toward me were out and out attempts to get me fired but I also know that some people actually believed them and that I never had these problems before I went into nursing. My manager knew that the reason I was being harassed was because I was the only male on the unit and she made it clear in her comment to me. "...(Sigh) this is the price you have to pay for choosing to work with all women and remember you made that choice"

Now I work in place with a great staff that judges me based on my performance and personality rather then my gender. Still I recently experienced a situation where my gender was brought under scrutiny. It was in attempt to protect me from some harassing comments and actions made by 1 staff member and was not meant to make me feel out of place but to keep that from happening. Still I have been made to feel even more uncomfortable by this situation then I was by the one fool that choose to harass me. So is that discrimination? Or is it just "the price I pay for choosing to work with all women?"

The problem is that things are made even harder to deal with because society does not see me as normal for choosing to be a nurse. My choice of profession is the subject of jokes and whispers. Hell, my mom doesn't even talk to me about work and other family members have openly expressed strong disapproval about men being nurses.

I don't know the answer all I know is that I have a feeling of awkwardness that I can't seem to shake and that it is effecting my performance and attitude toward work. I've always dealt pretty well with crappy comments made by people but now I'm having a hard time seeing there comments or inquires as innocent questions/observations and just seeing judgment and condemnation in their eyes. It would be simple if my choice to become a nurse was only based on the income and working hours, I however really love being a nurse and don't have a desire to leave it.

So am I right and society wrong? Or the opposite? Lol I'm not sure? All I know is that it's frecken hard to be different

I have never felt discriminated against. Nor have I ever seen any discrimination towards other men I have worked with. Sometimes I think maybe we find what we are looking for.

To tell you the truth. I have not run into discrimination on the black front in the profession. I have been given a few pokes about men being in leadership positions. I think work environments are going to have a few deals everywhere. Its always been my belief that the profession is hard on people going in. Another deal has always been the doctor situation. I were the name tag, tell em Im there nurse, and still get "thanks doc". In the end the unimportant bs is not worth my time. Some people are not going to like you. Thats their deal.

"Laugh at yourself and you will never be unamused"

Hi, I'm Frank, if you didn't notice. This is my first post. I'm a newly licensed LPN and would have started orienting on my first job this Thurs. if I hadn't received a jury summons :angryfire So I can't say I can give to much of an overall outlook; but here is how I felt:

I was encouraged in my path by women; my wife, sister, mother, and a couple of friends who are RNs. The only time I felt a real sting about being male and a nurse(student at the time) was from a male doctor. I've received some ribbing from some guys (Gay Focker jokes). A couple of my instructors made some ignorant sexist comments, but I didn't mind; they meant well and I loved them. They treated me well. The closest I think I came to discrimination was during my first interview:

DON, "Perhaps I shouldn't say this, but, the one problem I've noticed with male nurses is that they don't multi-task well like women do. Can you multi-task and how do you organize these?"

My reply, "I'm sorry, one question at a time please. What was the first one?"

I got the job. :)

FranK

I took the rank out of crank and put it in Frank.

Yes it happens.

Some times though it's hard to decide what is discrimination and what is just a reflection of the cultural norm. The simple sad fact is that it is currently "cool" for women to be man haters.

My wife was talking about this, the other day. She was with a bunch of other women talking about how men are dogs and so on. She didn't join in and someone said, "oh I forgot, you love men and think they are great". She doesn't think all men are great but we have a very good marriage and she knows that ALL men are not dogs and doesn't give in to the peer pressure to join in on the man hating so thus, she is made to feel not a part of the group.

To make the situation more complicated, In many cases the man haters have good reason to hate individual men. Now I'm not saying that their attitudes should be extended to all men but I can see why they have a hard time not generalizing. The things other men do to women continually astonish me. We live in a confusing time where shifting gender roles have left men floundering and having difficulty finding a mold to fit.

Back in the old days men were strong, domineering and providers for their family. It wasn't seen as politically incorrect to boss women around or to play knight in shining armor to their damsel in distress. Now its wrong to be domineering yet it is even worse to be sissy or XXXXX whipped so this leaves guys with a very thin line to walk and honestly it is impossible to fit everyone's expectation of what men should be in today's world. I think this is what leads to so many men letting women down.

Still I find comments made by many women offensive now I don't go running to file a complaint and I can't even fault them because I also hear them talking about the awful, awful things men have done to them. It makes me sad for both men and women.

I have also seen real discrimination and been subject to it on both racial and gender basis. The problem here is that most of the discriminators are not evil villains that set out to make all men pay (although sometimes they are). They instead are otherwise perfectly nice people compelled by (many times repressed) feelings of resentment toward men or by stereotypical views (unrealistic) of what is proper for one gender or the other. It is therefore impossible to verbally convince these people that they are doing something wrong. It is however possible with lots and lots of patients to prove yourself to some (not all) of them. Yet the price for this is often too high. I mean how much abuse do you want to take to prove yourself to someone that hates you?

I used to work at a place where I was the continual butt of jokes. Where I was always suspected of not working or of stealing or hiding ...etc...Etc. I know that some of the accusations made toward me were out and out attempts to get me fired but I also know that some people actually believed them and that I never had these problems before I went into nursing. My manager knew that the reason I was being harassed was because I was the only male on the unit and she made it clear in her comment to me. "...(Sigh) this is the price you have to pay for choosing to work with all women and remember you made that choice"

Now I work in place with a great staff that judges me based on my performance and personality rather then my gender. Still I recently experienced a situation where my gender was brought under scrutiny. It was in attempt to protect me from some harassing comments and actions made by 1 staff member and was not meant to make me feel out of place but to keep that from happening. Still I have been made to feel even more uncomfortable by this situation then I was by the one fool that choose to harass me. So is that discrimination? Or is it just "the price I pay for choosing to work with all women?"

The problem is that things are made even harder to deal with because society does not see me as normal for choosing to be a nurse. My choice of profession is the subject of jokes and whispers. Hell, my mom doesn't even talk to me about work and other family members have openly expressed strong disapproval about men being nurses.

I don't know the answer all I know is that I have a feeling of awkwardness that I can't seem to shake and that it is effecting my performance and attitude toward work. I've always dealt pretty well with crappy comments made by people but now I'm having a hard time seeing there comments or inquires as innocent questions/observations and just seeing judgment and condemnation in their eyes. It would be simple if my choice to become a nurse was only based on the income and working hours, I however really love being a nurse and don't have a desire to leave it.

So am I right and society wrong? Or the opposite? Lol I'm not sure? All I know is that it's frecken hard to be different

"My wife was talking about this, the other day. She was with a bunch of other women talking about how men are dogs and so on. She didn't join in and someone said, "oh I forgot, you love men and think they are great". She doesn't think all men are great but we have a very good marriage and she knows that ALL men are not dogs and doesn't give in to the peer pressure to join in on the man hating so thus, she is made to feel not a part of the group."

Your wife is most likely in a satisfying relationship unlike her co-workers.

It's a lot easier for them to blame all men for their failed relationships and label them all as liars and cheaters rather than to admit that they made some bad choices of their own in life.

"To make the situation more complicated, In many cases the man haters have good reason to hate individual men. Now I'm not saying that their attitudes should be extended to all men but I can see why they have a hard time not generalizing. The things other men do to women continually astonish me. We live in a confusing time where shifting gender roles have left men floundering and having difficulty finding a mold to fit."

We're all confused because it seems that nobody knows what they want in life and then we are let down when we don't get it.

I've worked in a female dominated profession long enough to see that the women who make those types of comments at work are so lonely and longing for a meaningful relationship but continuously get let down after they move in with a man they met 2 months ago at the local bar and wonder what went wrong.

"Back in the old days men were strong, domineering and providers for their family. It wasn't seen as politically incorrect to boss women around or to play knight in shining armor to their damsel in distress. Now its wrong to be domineering yet it is even worse to be sissy or XXXXX whipped so this leaves guys with a very thin line to walk and honestly it is impossible to fit everyone's expectation of what men should be in today's world. I think this is what leads to so many men letting women down."

Just the other day I saw a commercial on TV that said it all.

They showed this hot sexy guy with long hair hanging in his face with a scruffy unshaven look and the female voice talked about having a guy with "the bad boy look without the bad boy behavior."

I can't count the number of women I've worked with who think it's so hot to have a guy who picks fights with other guys and pushes his weight around, they feel so protected by them and think it's so romantic until the same guy starts hitting them after a while.

They can't figure out that a guy who is aggressive toward other men on a regular basis for small stupid reasons is also a likely candidate for a woman beater as well. How many times do you need to get your butt kicked until you figure that out?

I recently went out with a straight guy co-worker who lied to the woman he was interested in and said that he was a firefighter instead of a nurse because he felt he couldn't compete with another guy who really was a firefighter.

He'd been rejected many times over and passed up by women for a guy in a more "masculine" profession.

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