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MD likes to make you feel stupid

Nurses   (5,849 Views 18 Comments)

chenoaspirit is a ASN, RN and specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

11,323 Visitors; 1,010 Posts

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I have alot of respect for this MD, he is an excellent doctor. But he has this way of talking to me, like Im totally stupid. If he prefers something done a certain way, I will do it that way, but then he will come up with a different way and acts like Im stupid for doing it the original way. And he now makes me so nervous, that I now miss things because Im dreading to call him. Does that make sense. Its like the longer times goes, the stupider I feel. I hate it.

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ceamaifrumoasafata23 specializes in family practice and psych.

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I worked in a facility with a doctor exactly like that .I know how u feel .What I did ,I went in his office and i said straight up - I feel intimidated by you and I am prone to making mistakes .If he is a smart guy he will try to be better with u so u can function at ur best BUT if his personality is like that , thats never going to change .Best bet -change jobs ;) nobody should feel intimidated at work regardless on the reason -gender ,rank ,anything...

Wish u luck and try to understand that he might be a MD but you are a smart person.Dont let him make u feel "stupid " .

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3,225 Visitors; 181 Posts

How about if you tell him, I am trying to improve how I do XYZ for you, I respect you so much, and I would love if you would take a minute to tell me, step by step, exactly how you want this procedure performed. Then write it up, have him sign it, thanking him profusely for his help.

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CASTLEGATES has 27 years experience and specializes in Addictions, Acute Psychiatry.

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you could ask if low self esteem is what drove him to be a doc in the first place and if it continues to drive him to degrade others. That works for me...befriend him or figure him out and show him a mirror. You can say "Oh here's doctor conflict...what will i do wrong today". Small comments go a long way...just make sure you smile and read the situation.

We had one resident acting like a prick so we never consolidatd our orders..we each woke him up every 20 minutes or so every night 'till he came out and said "OK, what did I do wrong" then we all had a heart to heart and he got it and was great from then on.

Docs are nothing special; they're just a different specialty.

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4,597 Visitors; 267 Posts

Now I really mean this in the nicest way possible. Honestly, I do. So here it is: your post sounds whimpy, and if you're post is whimpy, then I can only imagine what it must be like face to face. Stand straight, take a deep breath, and project your voice. And PLEASE, do not kiss up to any MD. You are inviting him or her to "make you feel stupid" when you do, and I am confident you are not.

Some nurses really do a lot of brown nosing, which only makes situations worse.

I once had to call a Dr. at 1AM and let him know that we (med-surg) nurse were unable to establish an IV (he had many important onces due). He replied back with "Why don't you call a real nurse from the ICU to come and do it?" I responded back with "Ok, I will do that, and next time I will call a good doctor."

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CASTLEGATES has 27 years experience and specializes in Addictions, Acute Psychiatry.

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yup kudos to jomo. Just tell him to knock it off and you're not his wife. I use that line when women give me crap at work "I'm not your husband, you're not at home...this is a professional environment, act like it" Again you need to read the situation....if you lack spice, emulate someone who doesn't get any crap. We're all different so behavior is learned both ways.

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tatara specializes in psychiatric nursing, med/surg adult care.

1 Article; 4,208 Visitors; 102 Posts

I have a similar story. It happened 5 years ago; the new resident internist assigned in our floor always made me feel less of a person. He once embarrassed me to the point that I wasn't able to hold my tears and I felt so stupid for not being able to even just reason out. That same day, still feeling horrible about myself, I received a bouquet of flowers from that monster doctor expressing that he was sorry he made me cry. It was then followed by many other gestures of thoughtfulness and concern.

We were a couple for almost 3 years.

Yes, he is now my ex but remained good friends.

I don't know why I'm sharing this. Perhaps I just want you to know that some people tend to show the mean, harsh, monster in them so they can shield the weak, vulnerable, sensitive little person inside. You will get by.

:redbeathe tatara

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CASTLEGATES has 27 years experience and specializes in Addictions, Acute Psychiatry.

7,578 Visitors; 424 Posts

spelling correction alot- a lot :D

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1 Article; 2,242 Visitors; 55 Posts

Stand up to that doc! Take a deep breath, look him in the eye and tell him that you don't like the way he's talking to you. He probably doesn't even realize how he's speaking to you. If you don't stand up for yourself no one will and doctors will continue to walk all over you. I've had doctors yell at me for very insignificant things and I look at them and say "when you can speak to me like an adult and not yell then I'll continue the conversation" and then I walk away. They usually feel like idiots and it never happens again. Just remember, no one has a right to speak to anyone in anything less than a professional manner. Not even a doctor.

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chenoaspirit is a ASN, RN and specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

11,323 Visitors; 1,010 Posts

Thanks guys for your responses. And yes, my post did sound wimpy I guess. He makes me FEEL wimpy. I dread calling him. I can have ALL my ducks in a row before calling him and he will STILL come up with SOMETHING/ANYTHING that I missed, even the smallest thing and then he will focus on that rather than the big picture. And the sad part is he is MY doctor as well. I need to make an MD appt for recurrent headaches and I dread going. But I will and while Im there I will have a talk with him. I have always stood my ground with all docs, except him. I dont know why it is, but he is the only one who makes me feel unworthy of my title. I hate it. One time I went to work to find a patient who was lethargic, and VERY sick (worse than the day before) and I called him. Now I came onto shift and found the patient like this and called him immediately. This patient had been this way the entire previous shift before me. But I caught it immediately and intervened. He came to the floor and found an order from the previous shift that an ABG was supposed to be done and it hadnt. He blamed ME! He went to the CN and complained, of course the CN saw the whole picture. But he made a big deal out of it in front of everyone. Now I cant help what is/isnt done on the shift before me. So this patient went to ICU and I had to go there to give report to the ICU nurse, there was that doc complaining to those ICU nurses. I walked up to him and tried to explain (hindsight...I should have handled it differently), but I told him that the ABG wasnt missed on my time, he said "Im not trying to point blame to anyone)...like I was trying to put the blame on someone else. I should have said "well, yes you are". It ruined my entire day. I wasnt the one who missed the ABG. I hadnt had time to search the chart to look for mistakes of the previous shift, I was focused on the patient. Anyway, I just hate it. The more I type here, the madder I get. lol and I plan on addressing it this week. Thanks guys for all your advice, I plan on using your advice.

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CASTLEGATES has 27 years experience and specializes in Addictions, Acute Psychiatry.

7,578 Visitors; 424 Posts

No one can make you feel any `certain way; you must choose to feel that way. No one on this earth could make me feel unworthy of my title; It's mine and I earned it.

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nurseman78 has 5 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in ICU, CRNA.

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My dad's a doctor. Trust me, doctor's are not perfect, they're completely as fallible as anyone, so don't put them on a pedestal. I would just go in and talk to him in an assertive but not aggressive manner and state that you just need him to clarify what he wants you to do. And if you feel that he's been demeaning to you, just let him know in a tactful way. He'll probably respond in a positive way, and if he doesn't and he's a jerk, then there's not much you can do.

If we want to bring respect to our calling as nurses, we need to act as professionally as possible, and understand that we are colleagues and collaborators with doctors. We are not peons or inferiors. Doctors worth their salt understand the importance of quality nurses and value what we bring to patient care.

We don't need to feel intimidated by doctors simply because they went to more school than us or make more money. A physical therapist has a doctorate degree, but most nurses aren't intimidated by them. At the end of the day we're all part of a team, and each of our opinions is valuable.

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