What to do if your husband is unsupportive?

Nursing Students LPN/LVN Students

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I will be starting the LPN program July 8th and while my husband is happy for me, he isn't exactly what I would call "supportive". I am concerned that he really doesn't understand the amount of time and effort I will need to commit to my studies and what a strain that will cause on our marriage. I am 49 years old and due to my age, I find that I need a lot of extra study time to be able to keep it all in my memory bank. :D I am an A student, but it requires a HUGE amount of time to keep it that way. My husband just sees the "A" and thinks it is easy for me.

My husband doesn't help much around the house - he is very "old school" and doesn't grocery shop, prepare meals, or do laundry. I am telling you that there is no way that he WILL do these things either. He WILL clean the kitchen but that is the extent of it. I am currently working two twelve hour shifts on the weekend, and I am so afraid that between my school schedule, study time, work schedule and managing my home that I won't have enough time to devote to my marriage. As in ALL marriages, couples NEED to devote time to be with each other and with the schedule I envision, I don't see where I will find the time.

I have brought these concerns up to my husband and he brushes them off because he was such a braniac when he was in college and didn't need to study much to get a good grade. I want to quit my weekend job so badly to devote more time to my studies and to him but he believes that money problems will be MORE of a strain on our marriage than work and school. He told me, "There are a lot of people that go to school and work - you just need to suck it up and do it!"

Anyone going through this right now or have any suggestions for me? I want so badly to be a nurse and have waited so long for this!

Thanks in advance!

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I'm sorry you are having that problem. My husband was a horrible helper when I first started school. We only had one child then and he had a job that required going out of town. So all he did when he was home was lay around. We live with my parents so my mom helped out alot. When my daughter was born he was the worst he had ever been. My parents would get furious because he did nothing! I finally had to put my foot down and tell him this is for us! I'm sacrificing my time with my kids to go to school to better our lives for them and ourselves. I took this past year off and am now applying to the LVN program in December. I told him its do or die this time and I need his full on support and help to get through this program. I think once you get into the program and your husband sees how hard you are having to work he will wise up and know this is serious. Good luck!

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op - my situation is similar to yours. same age, no kids, "old school" dh. i have my own business and work about 15 hr/wk. my income is down.

i've been in an accelerated lvn program since january. as such, i've become a master at time mgt (have to be in order to juggle dh, school, work, studying, clinicals, laundry, housework, shopping, etc).

i use to be an a student, not anymore. the rigors of the program and the amt of time i have to prepare just aren't in sync. so i get a "b" - nbd. maybe an occassional "c" - again, i can't beat myself up. i am doing as much as i can.

my husband sees how much effort and energy that i'm expending on a daily basis. so the breakfast dishes don't get done before i leave. so what?

sometimes he does them, most often i do when them i get back home. it really bothers me more than him, by far. he's been great.

his work requires alot of socializing, appearances, and generally being in the public eye. this year i am conspicuously absent. he's also been good about not pressuring me to attend all these various functions. i do, however, make an effort to attend one or two a month.

going into it, we both knew how tough it would be. we've made the adjustment. luckily it's only for 6 more months!

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My husband would get openly hostile about me going to school, but he was there to spend my paycheck from work. He didn't seem to understand that school contributed to me getting bigger paychecks. I allowed his behavior to interfere with school, I would drop my classes when he threw his tantrums, and would be sorry afterwards. You need to accept his negative or nonsupportive behavior as something you will have to deal with as long as you are in school. Maybe he will come around, but more likely he won't. Don't let this stop you from pursuing your goals.

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I agree with Caliotter. Be yourself and don't let anythings stop you from pursuing your dream. Once you graduate as LPN/RN, nobody will take that skills away from you. Be strong and we are here for you.

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kymber, you and I could be the same person. I have 4 kids and totally understand how you feel. My husband is the same way, he is not unsupportive, but not supportive either. When I get into nursing school we are goign to have to sit down and have a little "talk". This will probably consist of us figuring out how to pay for daycare for the first time and what duties he is going to have to take over. I go to school at night right now. I make dinner and get everything set up for when he walks in the door. When I get home after 10pm I clean up the disaster in the kitchen and sometimes tuck the kids in or round up loose ends . Last week, both nights I had school I came home to find him sound asleep around 9 oclock!

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Anne,

We ARE the same person! LOL! ;)

I know exactly how you feel - I was a stay-at-home wife/mom for years and even though I told him what to expect when I started working and going to school, He hasn't changed a bit! He just doesn't get it that he needs to pick up some of the slack to TRY to make the load a little more even on both sides! He just seems to feel that this is MY dream -so why should he have to change things?

I hope that you continue to pursue your dream in spite of the obstacles. I plan to - even though it seems pretty daunting right now. We have waited too long for this right?

Thanks to ALL of you for taking the time to comment. It is good to know that I am not alone and that others are able to make it all work. Good luck to everyone! :nurse:

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