Losing hope and suicidal

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Specializes in ED.

Hi everyone just made a throwaway to see what you guys have to say. I graduated May 2019 and now I’m working in a high acuity ED with *** staffing for the past year and a half now. 

I have only ever wanted to do PEDS but it’s hard as a new grad Bc I have no experience so I thought working here as a start. But this past 6 months I have been trying to look for a jobs in PEDS in any capacity but it’s all just fails from instant rejected or even going into the second interview and share time and still getting rejected. 

I am so burnt out from the ED that it’s effecting my mental health to the point I’m actually suicidal. The tipping point was this past week where I was interviewed twice for my dream job and was offered a position on the unit in which I accepted but it was rescinded Bc the recruiter actually meant to set up share time. After the third interview with this unit, I was only to be rejected. I want to just take my life. My mental health has never been good to begin with but with this job it’s just been declining.

Is it all that horrible to quit with a 4 weeks notice without anything lined up? 

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https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Please call this number now to get the help you need. Many of us have been in your shoes and as much as we would like to reach out and help you we can't give you what you really need. We can, however, let you know that these feeling are temporary and we are here for you.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

What Wuzzie said. And part of your employee benefits is probably an EAP (employee assistance program) that covers counseling- even if it's just a session or two. 

 

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Specializes in PICU.

Contact this now

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

800-273-8255 

Use your EAP at work, most places have up to 5 or 6 FREE sessions.

Take care of yourself, be good to yourself. You deserve to feel better. There are resources out there to help you

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Nothing matters about your job or your specialty at this point. You need to get healthy yourself before you can help others get healthy. Please call the suicide prevention line and get in to see your physician. You do not need to suffer in this way.

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Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.

Love the hotlines above, and if you are truly acutely suicidal with a concrete plan and a clear intention, not more passively thinking of wanting to die, please go to a mental health crisis clinic or ER (probably not the one where you work), to see if you need admission to an inpatient psychiatric unit to protect yourself and recover. I hope that is not the case and I know those environments can be traumatizing in some cases, but if it keeps you alive it may be worth it.

If the suicidal ideation is more passive, please get mental healthcare ASAP and look into taking a leave of absence from work, hopefully paid but even unpaid if you can afford it and they offer it. I really hope you will be OK and let me tell you from experience things get better, and you can look back on this time when you are healthy and feel so grateful that you are still alive and enjoying a better life. Best of luck and I am happy you reached out for support.

P.S. feel free to personal message me as well. Through the ups and downs of bipolar I have been in this spot and would love to help if you need it, but of course it is not a substitution for mental health care.

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Specializes in ED.

Thank you everyone 

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Specializes in ER, Pre-Op, PACU.

Don’t stay at a job like that if it’s really affecting you that badly.

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Specializes in ED, Tele, MedSurg, ADN, Outpatient, LTC, Peds.

Concur with all the good advice from my fellow nurses!

Actively suicidal- get help now  and maybe an inpt stay at a different facility.

Passive thoughts-call the hotline and heed their advice.

As a nurse you are in a unique position of helping others but you cannot give from an empty burned out pitcher. So get help for yourself before following your dream job.

ED is stressful for the experienced let alone a new graduate. So the stress is not your fault. Dig your heels in and know that you are worthy of all the help you get now. Someday,  the tables will be turned and you will be in a position to help others.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Know that you are loved here and can express freely. Please get the help to make you stronger and happier.

 Hugs!

 

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

Before you do anything else stop and see your physician and tell him/her what you are feeling. I was once in the very same position as you. I was suicidal and before I knew what I was doing I had attempted and nearly succeeded in ending my life. I am only here by the grace of the god of my understanding. I even told the ER doc who treated me that they should have let me die! In the days months and years that followed I came to understand my own worth and the find a place in the world of nursing that I truely enjoy doing. I don't make as much money as I would like - But I do pay the bills. 

Take care of yourself first if you have health insurance see what kind of mental health benefits you have. I also strongly suggest that you have your primary physician refer you to both a psycologist and a psychiatrist. The combination of medication, couneling and the job I love has made me into a better stronger person able to handle those aspects of life and it's stressors in a healthy way. 

Please see someone right away. don't quit your job. See if you can take a leave of absence ad get started on you mental health so that your decisions come from a place of strength.

The world needs you in it.

Hppy

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Specializes in ED.

hey everyone just an update. I am doing a lot better now and especially reading all the nice comments helped a bunch. Going to see a therapist soon once I get my insurance figured out but I got good people around me to get me through this. 

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Specializes in oncology.
1 hour ago, Marylandburntnurse said:

Going to see a therapist soon once I get my insurance figured

Go NOW! Figure out insurance later. 

 

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