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I've been bullied all my life, and it continues...

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by asdjkl asdjkl (New) New

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royhanosn specializes in psych, general, emerg, mash.

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new american word for something bad..toxic! Bullying happens all the time in wards, it should not because your in front of the patient/client/customer. Which is bad manners to the bullier.

Perhaps confronting the bully head on, would embarrass them. They are looking for a fight, give them one, and embarrass them in front of the client.

it aint going away! so change jobs!

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i am a firm believer that if we want this sort of behavior to stop in our profession, we have to lead the way. what is considered "normal" or acceptable behavior ie: nurses screaming at each other, verbal abuse, etc is simply grounds for immediate firing in nearly every other profession. i have been told by a colleague, "well the reason i was standing 5 feet from you having coffee chatting with a friend of mine cause i am down to 1 pt cause the others were transferred, while you were drowning under 2 admits from ER, one with 2 drips to start & titrate, the other with a fever of 39.4 & chest pain, and when you asked me nicely if i could help your 3rd pt to the bedside commode i said, "gosh you are so lazy, do it yourself!" and then proceeded to tell your buddy, "i don't think it's her fault she sucks so much." it was because i want you to learn to take criticism."

excuse me, but WTH?? so if you carry this logic to its conclusion it gets ridiculous! "i beat my children regularly so if they ever get beat up they will know how to handle it." "i badmouth my spouse constantly to his/her face so if they ever get someone who talks mean to them they will know how to take it." how does that help anyone?? see how dumb it gets?? I have been in professions where people have been FIRED, on the spot, for much much less. we nurses have to rise up & say, "NO, I WILL NOT BE TREATED THIS WAY!"

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Miserable people want to make other people miserable. I think the best thing to do is to talk to those nurses who are bothing you and if they continue to act that way then go and talk to the supervisor. Just don't give up, they are not better than you. Nursing is such a broad field and it is not possible for a person to know it all. I am learning so many procedures in nursing school and when I go to my clinicals I see nurses that do not follow the correct procedure. I do tell my instructor because I want to know if it is okay. But I never tell the nurses oh that is wrong, this is wrong, I am simply learning from their good skills and their mistakes.

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22 Posts; 1,718 Profile Views

what do you do now, and is it a better environment?

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royhanosn specializes in psych, general, emerg, mash.

233 Posts; 4,383 Profile Views

good question..why have you been bullied all your life?

Bullies, similar to on the school ground, there is always a leader, you have to confront the leader!

what are you doing at work to be bullied?

In a high stress work area, you need to know what you are doing. Has the staffing been reduced to cut costs? Many of our front line people, aka nurses, are being cut because of costs! This will lead to stress, too many patients, not enough staff!

Or ask the bully, is there something I am doing that does not to your liking. Sometimes that shuts they up!

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95 Posts; 2,194 Profile Views

good question..why have you been bullied all your life?

Bullies, similar to on the school ground, there is always a leader, you have to confront the leader!

what are you doing at work to be bullied?

In a high stress work area, you need to know what you are doing. Has the staffing been reduced to cut costs? Many of our front line people, aka nurses, are being cut because of costs! This will lead to stress, too many patients, not enough staff!

Or ask the bully, is there something I am doing that does not to your liking. Sometimes that shuts they up!

Or how about saying, "Just fu#@ off!!!!" They'll get the message quickly with that statement. That's what I finally started doing and I started acting like an independent contractor to separate myself(My patients, my business)-It's not like you get any help anyway.:rolleyes: That's why I eventually started running my own business-No bosses(Oh yea, I am the boss), nobody dumping on you or stabbing you in the back, no management(Oh yea, I am management), etc. I know my job, go do it, send them the bill.......no BS!!!!!!!!!!!:yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah:Works for me.

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whodatnurse specializes in Psych.

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Or how about saying, "Just fu#@ off!!!!" They'll get the message quickly with that statement. That's what I finally started doing and I started acting like an independent contractor to separate myself(My patients, my business)-It's not like you get any help anyway.:rolleyes: That's why I eventually started running my own business-No bosses(Oh yea, I am the boss), nobody dumping on you or stabbing you in the back, no management(Oh yea, I am management), etc. I know my job, go do it, send them the bill.......no BS!!!!!!!!!!!:yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah:Works for me.

Kudos on having found success with the "run it like my own little business" thinking. While I do think there comes a time and a place to tell someone to @#^* off...I wouldn't encourage anyone to do so in the workplace. That sort of thing has huge potential to come back and bite you in the butt. Yes...stand up to workplace bullies...but be civil about it. ;)

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95 Posts; 2,194 Profile Views

Kudos on having found success with the "run it like my own little business" thinking. While I do think there comes a time and a place to tell someone to @#^* off...I wouldn't encourage anyone to do so in the workplace. That sort of thing has huge potential to come back and bite you in the butt. Yes...stand up to workplace bullies...but be civil about it. ;)

I really never used those exact words but my demeanor and what I did say sort of spelled it out for them. I've always been civilized about things but was also bullied for a long time before I grew a set and started sticking up for myself-I was a lot more tactful than the people doing the bullying, I can tell you that. The only thing that helped me was experience and knowledge. I found that "knowledge really is power." Until you show your co-workers that you really know what you're doing, they're going to ride you like there's no tomorrow. Until then, you don't have enough knowledge to know how to stand up for yourself. It's sad but true. I went through a lot of this in several hospitals and I'm glad I'm out. I'm a 235# man's man and if they can push me around, they can push anyone. I don't care how big your nads are, you can't fight an entire ward of 20 women who have been working together for 10 years and they are all friends(Supervisor included) and you're the new guy. You'll never win. You either have to figure out something quick or leave and keep searching until you find the right place. Just my experience, nothing more.

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royhanosn specializes in psych, general, emerg, mash.

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agreed, do not reduce yourself to THEIR level!

Telling the bully to FO, will do nothing!

Run your patients like running your own business is an EXCELLENT idea!

Ignore the bully may work. If you know you are doing a good job, and the boss is compliment to your

work, then what the bully is saying to you is non consequential!

All work areas have bullies, whether is whats they are saying or doing.

If they are sabitoging your work, then yes, take it to the super.

I am sure the super is well aware as to what is going on, BUT if they not aware, tell them.

BUT approach it in a low key, civilized, business manner. Document the occasions,

Is the bully woman harrassing others?

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good question..why have you been bullied all your life?

what are you doing at work to be bullied?

I don't understand these question. Are you saying that people do things to be bullied, that essentially it is their fault? I was bullied in elementary school because I was the only white girl in an all black school. I didn't talk to anyone, they just started bullying me. I was bullied through most of my life because I had horrible teeth. I was always picked on. I never did anything to start anything. I did just the opposite, stayed away for fear of being bullied. Then I paid $10K to fix my teeth so that problem went away.

To the OP, they are bullying you because you let them and they can see that they are destroying you. If it is bothering you this much, it will be written all over your face. They enjoy it. It only feeds their desire to bully you.

Miserable people love to destroy happy people. They do this because they hate themselves inside and they don't like to see other people enjoying life.

You should get some counseling to boost your confidence. I wouldn't even talk to these people and I wouldn't let what they say bother you. Why is it that what they think about you so important? Just ignore them. That will of course make them even more mad and they will come at you harder, but eventually, if they aren't getting the pleasure of destroying you they will leave you alone. Walk away from situations where you think you will be bullied and ignore every little thing from their mouth. When they talk, redirect them to the important matter... the patient.

I personally say a little prayer for people every time they say some crap about me. I pray for them because I know deep inside they have emotional issues and their way of dealing with it is by trying to destroy people around them.

I just don't care if everyone doesn't like me. Most people do because I am nice, but for those who don't, I don't care... it's their loss. I don't need people to like me. I love myself and the people I care about most love me, so that's all that matters to me.

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Ruby Vee has 40 years experience as a BSN and specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

11 Followers; 66 Articles; 13,948 Posts; 172,002 Profile Views

ok, the crap that squirrelrn71 said, forget it, ignore this post.

it doesn't matter what some 20+ year rn did 18years, 3 months ago. they need to pull thier own weight, i don't care if they pulled 6 months of back to back double shifts.

any veteran nurse pulls this line of horsecrap on you, put in the same category as being a bully.

tell them their past 20 years means jack and squat when it comes to them sitting back and relaxing at work. it's crap attitudes like this that make the term "nurses eat heir young".

it's true, and mysteriosuly enough, female black widow and female praying mantis are known for eating mates after mating.

veteran nurses tend to be the same when it comes to nursing.

do not let them get away with treating you like this.

stand up and fight, speak up. be proud of your gpa, anyone who tells you it doesn't matter is jealous. it doesn't make you a better nurse, or get you a job quicker, but it is an accomplishment, and is great for your self esteem.

i suspect the the nurse who has twenty years of experience is pulling her weight -- she's just better organized and has a better grasp of time management with experience. so she has more time to sit down. now she could spend all of that free time doing the newbie's work for her, but then the newbie doesn't learn time management or organization.

more vacation time, having first choice of vacation slots and holidays off -- that comes with seniority. those of us who have been nurses for decades but have changed jobs recently don't have that seniority any more than the new grad does. usually, however, you don't see us whining and carrying on about how we just have to have every weekend in june off because all of our friends are getting married, and we have to have thanksgiving and labor day because that's when the whole family gets together and we must have christmas so they can see the little ones opening their gifts and of course new year's eve is when all the parties are so we have to have that off, too. we understand that if we choose to work in hospital nursing weekends, nights and holidays must be covered and that if we've chosen to change jobs, our seniority just went out the window.

nurses don't eat their young. some experienced nurses have difficulty getting along with anybody -- so do some experienced lawyers, accountants, contractors and consultants. some experienced nurses don't like orienting newbies. same with some physicians, professional golfers, pole dancers and photographers. and some new nurses just cannot get along with their peers -- that's why we see the phrase "nurses eat their young" with such astonishing regularity these days.

this "anyone who tells you this doesn't matter is just jealous" business is the bull excrement that you've attributed to the experienced nurses. i can tell you without hesitation that i don't give a rip about your 4.0 gpa. i have one of my own -- from graduate school. i also have a solid b or c average for my bsn -- probably because i was working three jobs at a time to support myself and pay for school. gpa means very little once you've worn your cute little honor cord through your graduation ceremony. no one cares how good a test taker you were in school; we care how quickly (if at all) you learn to titrate a drip, clean a behind, change a dressing or pass your meds. unfortunately, gpa is not a good predictor of common sense, compassion or honor.

someone who has been bullied all her life has a problem that we can't fix with advice on the internet. i doubt very much that the problem is that everyone she's encountered in her life is a bully. the common denominator in all of those situations is herself. i urge her to get counseling to help her out with that.

Edited by Ruby Vee
Grammar

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royhanosn specializes in psych, general, emerg, mash.

233 Posts; 4,383 Profile Views

bingo! that takes a lot of guts at the high school age. in that age, being a white boy/girl in a black school! talk about the 60;s.

I think we have discussed this enough! time to hand the cross to someone else1

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