Is Nursing really for me?

RNperdiem, RN · Sep 10, 2020

I am impressed that your hospital was so willing to accommodate you that you were allowed to transfer to places like mother-baby and stepdown.

Chickenlady · Sep 10, 2020

Sounds like you need to stay away from hospital nursing for now. Get your feet wet again in nursing in another environment: clinic, corrections, urgent care, public health, home care, dialysis, there are so many options for you

Sour Lemon · Sep 10, 2020

4 hours ago, Newbie101 said:

Hi guys,

I'm tired of venting out to my family on how I feel. So I decided to vent out here to nurses. Who actually know what I am feeling. So I am a new grad. Graduated in Dec 2019, got hired on a MED SURG floor. Got a horrible preceptor who threw me out to the wolves on the first day (btw her first time precepting and only 1 year experience) Which I know she was smart, but wasn't patient and nice. She would give me an attitude when I would ask questions or needed help. Even during my first rapid she left me hanging to make me look like a fool infront of the Rapid response team. That was literally just one month. My friends on the floor who graduated with me had the complete opposite experience with their preceptors and felt so bad for me because I got a horrible one. Well I had my days where I would cry infront of her because I was just soooo stressed and she wouldn't even help me out, sometimes I wouldn't find her because she was talking to her friends in the lounge area...well anyways I had a horrible experience and just let it all out when it came down to my 30day evaluation and told my manager I needed to get out of the unit. That my preceptor made me hate med surg. So I did move to Mother and Baby turns out the schedule they were giving me were only nights and I couldnt, so I had to turn it down. I asked my old manager back from Med Surg if I could go back and she said no.... SO HR decided to give me a position in MED SURG ICU stepdown unit (they didn't even let me pick a floor) which I knew was going to be worse, If I couldnt handle the first floor what was going to make think I was going to handle this one...sure enough first shift 4 code blues... got out crying that shift. It was horrible. I a person who looks into work environment...and that floor I knew wasnt for me. The co-workers were just ***y.. well I fell into depression and anxiety. The hospital and work was my trigger. I would have mental breakdowns. I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. I felt like a failure. I admitted myself into a short term psych facility and got on lexapro. 2 months later doctor weaned me off since it was messing with my vitals. Never went back to hospital due to a personal leave. 3 months later...found out I was fired from the hospital. It's been 5 months since the last time I stepped int the hospital and 5 months since my downhill. I like to say I am better now. Now I regret leaving the first floor. I miss it. I did enjoy it on my good days. I loved the fast pace sometimes and the adrenaline. I just hated how my preceptor was. I hate myself for not giving myself time nor a chance on that unit. I see all the colleagues I graduated with and it makes me sad because theyre so close to 1 year experience and I havent even started. I miss school and love it that I decided to apply to a Direct Entry MSN FNP program. I've kept my mind so busy...I love learning when it comes to books and research. But now...Im so scared and intimidated because I have nooo experience and IDK if I want to go back to the hospital...Ill admit its my trigger sometimes. Ill get sad when I start to think of my decision and start to regret everything. But IDK if I should continue with FNP. I currently at a COVID part time school nurse job and I love it. But its temporary. I am young. I am 22 I feel like I am wasting my time. My husband says to take it as a break after school "one year break" and hopefully get back on my feet and push myself to apply to a hospital to get experience under my belt... sorry guys this is long, but just wanted to vent...

I don't know much about FNP options for work, but I would NOT invest more time and money into nursing education without have a very solid "Plan A" as well as a realistic "Plan B".

The big thing you have going for you is your age. Sounds like you've got plenty of time to sort things out, so don't rush it.

LibraNurse27, BSN, RN · Sep 10, 2020

I agree that if you are not completely certain you would like to be an FNP and are just rushing into it, reconsider. I know many who became FNPs with no RN experience and all have told me they wished they had been RNs first. 22 is so young! I agree with trying other nursing specialties before deciding about higher degrees or returning to the hospital. Maybe you will find an outpatient specialty you enjoy, or find a permanent school nurse job.

Make sure your mental health is very stable if you really want to go back to the hospital. Hospital nursing is stressful and can trigger mental health issues. Good luck and I hope you find the path that is best for you ?

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Sep 10, 2020

I would hold off on school until you have some time to clarify what you really want out of your nursing career. The fact that you love your current job and can identify some positive things about your past med-surg job is really good. You need those positive things to hang on to on days when things aren't going the way you want. Plus, knowing what you like about those jobs will help toy figure out what kinds of jobs to take and what kind of education to pursue in the future.

First, make sure you are in a good place mentally and emotionally and are prepared with ways to cope if you decide to take another, more acute job. Nursing, particularly anything inpatient, is very stressful, and unfortunately the reality is that sometimes it straight up sucks. I don't mean to sound discouraging, because even we anxious/depressed nurses can be excellent at what we do; it does require some preparation, though.

A couple of suggestions for the future if you do decide to go back to floor nursing. First, it sounds like the situation with your preceptor was what ruined your first experience. I encourage you to be open with your preceptor in the future, and if that doesn't resolve it, then bring it to your manager, rather than having it all spill out in a rush. I think most preceptors want to help you succeed, but if she was new she was almost certainly making her own mistakes and could use feedback too. That said, sometimes it's just not a good match, and that's okay. Just remember, even if someone doesn't work out as your preceptor, they're still going to be your coworker, so try to keep a balanced view of them, even if they turn out not to be the best teacher.

Second, be open. I get it, night shift isn't for everyone, your preceptor wasn't working out, etc. It's going to be a long, hard career for you if you need everything, especially right in the beginning, to be just so. Every experience has something to teach you or some benefit to offer, so please consider those things.

Lastly, trust your gut! It sounds like you knew step down wasn't right for you. This may seem contradictory to my previous advice, but if you know in your soul that something is wrong, pay attention to that. As someone who has struggled with anxiety, I feel like I've learned to differentiate between times when I don't really want to do something but can handle it, and times when I KNOW I'm not ready or interested. They are different feelings; weirdly, I'm more conflicted when it's something I actually can do and feel okay about it in the end. If I know something isn't right for me, I feel so calm and accepting of that. You're 22, so this may take a little time to develop if it hasn't already, but I think it's worth thinking about.

Tl;Dr - figure out what you like and don't like in nursing, communicate often ruth your preceptor and manager, be open to challenges, and trust yourself to know when it's too much.

Good luck to you!

EDNURSE20, BSN · Sep 10, 2020

I was surprised at your first hospital for offering you so many transfers!

you have managed to get another job, I would concentrate on that for now. Get a little bit of experience, and find out what you like in nursing. Give yourself a chance to get your head together. No need to start FNP just yet.

**CommunityRNBSN, BSN, RN** · Sep 11, 2020

I work in outpatient care (it’s a FQHC but my role is essentially primary care, like working in a doctor’s office). It might be a good option for you. There are no emergency (code blue) situations, so that aspect of stress would be removed. It is also a 9-5 job. There’s no guarantee that you wouldn’t have an awful preceptor of course. But if you got paired with someone good and patient, you could be successful and really enjoy the work.

BSN-to-MSN, ADN, BSN, RN · Sep 11, 2020

22 hours ago, Newbie101 said:

I asked my old manager back from Med Surg if I could go back and she said no.... SO HR decided to give me a position in MED SURG ICU stepdown unit (they didn't even let me pick a floor)

Did not let you pick the floor after you made switches yourself? Very bad managers!

22 hours ago, Newbie101 said:

I just hated how my preceptor was

There is your answer! Get thru the orientation first!

So sorry you had a mental breakdown. New employee has to hang on tight to where they are, not allowed to flip-flop. I hope you've learned your lesson. Start fresh, and communicate well with the preceptor next time. Remember, the preceptor will judge you, some more openly than others, but the patient is both yours AND your preceptor's responsibility. In a difficult situation, find the preceptor and say " I don't know what to do.". If you cannot admit that, re-examine your mindset about being new to nursing.

Best,

DowntheRiver · Sep 13, 2020

I thought direct entry MSN FNP programs were for people who were not already nurses?

brandy1017, ASN, RN · Sep 15, 2020

The first thought when reading your story is why didn't you just ask for a different preceptor? It sounds like you need to work on being more assertive.

I agree with others don't rush to NP. Also would a direct entry program even apply to you since you already have your RN?

NP would be a different kind of stress as you would be making clinical diagnoses and treatment decisions which could trigger your anxiety as well. Just look at the differential diagnosis for left shoulder pain. It includes arthritis and angina, but could also be referred pain from lung cancer.

I would advise you to take your time and continue meds and therapy, not assume you are fine now as the anxiety could be triggered again with clinicals. Not sure working in a hospital would be a good choice for you.

Even though your current job is temporary if it makes you happy you could apply to another school nurse position. Do what makes you happy and doesn't overwhelm you. Many nurses are content to work as school nurses for their entire career. Hospital nursing is overrated.

michaelb, BSN, RN · Sep 15, 2020

Nursing is the broadest career you could ever imagine...

I have worked in 15 different sub-sections. Sit down, take a breath, remember-its not suppose to be streesful or a jail sentence. Think outside the box- infection control, public health, corrections, education, expert witness, insurance reveiw...you can find fast tempo, rewarding work outside of any negative pass experience...you have a 40 year career infront of you, find something that has it all for you! good luck