Is Nursing is what I really want? [Warning: Long Rant]

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I'm a nineteen years old college student who started the BSN program in January. I chose nursing because I love helping people (although I'm an introvert) even though I am putting myself at "risk". I managed to get past the first semester with mediocre grades (Bs) although most of the time, I was not confident in my knowledge. I know that first semester is supposed to be based on theory work and nothing exciting, but it made me question my choice of education. Even the two day visit in the hospital did nothing much for me since I was assigned to a diabetes clinic. I was never hospitalized in my life, and never had any experiences with bed side care.

I started second semester this month for a week, but then I couldn't make myself start on any homework, and I was blanking out through most of the classes. The reason why I made myself register for second semester was to see what clinical practices was like. I never got to go since I "dropped out" (being placed on a hold list) before they started. It wasn't the anxiety of practicum, but the lack of motivation for school work. Our program has a system where instructors for each class have their own website to post files, links, assignment drop box, and even a forum. I felt that I couldn't keep up because we constantly had to check for any additional information.

I am still taking one course, criminology, to use as an elective for fourth semester nursing just in case I decide to go back. To tell you the truth, I was looking forward to my criminology classes than my nursing classes! During my crim classes, I never yawned, and I was extremely alert throughout the three hours (4:30-7:30!). I wouldn't say that criminology is now my field of interest, but it was successful in engaging me.

Did I mention that I was Asian? When my parents heard that I dropped out of the program that I CHOSE (initally, my dad wanted me to do kinesiology or science in an university), they practically went nuts. My mom struggled, but she's come to accept that I needed some time off. However, my dad couldn't accept my decision and we would argue everyday. He would now tell me to do massage therapy and then become an acupuncturist (by moving to the States!), or ECE, or even kinesiology again. All he cares about is money and a stable job. I know that reality makes that a priority, but all he cares about are extrinsic interests.

I researched other jobs, and I'm a bit interested in esthetics. However, I feel guilty that I'm turning away a career I initially wanted (that helps people in NEED), and towards a career that is almost opposite of my initial purpose (that helps people who WANTS to be pampered). It's a job that is not in high demand, and it usually pays significantly lower. To make it even worse, I don't know if I'll react to it like I did for nursing! I don't even know what my passion is before I withdrew!

I don't know what to do. I was thinking about volunteering at a hospital to see if my mind will change (which I should have done ages ago), and my dad got ****** off and said that I should work (because I would even be making money). My family has a low income, so I sort of understand how they feel. My dad sacrificed his good job overseas to move our family here, and now that my parents are struggling to work for me and my siblings' benefit, we dismiss it. My younger brother is a delinquent who is supposed to be in grade 12 this year, but dropped out of school by himself to work in a warehouse (caught up on consumerism). My older brother is doing okay in co-op, but he has Asberger's. We are constantly compared to others who immigrated long after us who are now in dental hygiene, or other esteemed careers. I feel like I let my parents and myself down.

Sometimes I tell myself that life's supposed to be full of mistakes that we make in order to mature, but then arguments and talks with my parents would just bring me down again. I hate that the world revolves around money. If it wasn't for money, I would explore as many options as I want, and maybe even go back to nursing without the guilt of wasting tuition (although much time would have passed). As you might already know, I tend to be an idealist, not a realist. Maybe I didn't go though hardships where reality slaps me back in line.

I know that people can only give me suggestions, but I'm the one who makes the choices. But I still don't know what to do.

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Please forgive my grammatical error in my title. I should proofread more often -_-;;

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Specializes in LTC.

The one thing I tell most people who are unsure about college is that if you don't change your major at least once there is something wrong with you.

My suggestion is that you do volunteer somewhere or even go to a community college and get your nursing assistant certificate and work in nursing to see if you like it.

The world is full of careers, you just have to fnd one that you will enjoy.

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Specializes in Ortho, Case Management, blabla.

Dental hygiene is an esteemed career in comparison to nursing? lol...

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LOL Well, if the occupation is more "laid back", pays just as good, and is more hygienic in a sense, then my dad considers it a great career. :\

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Specializes in Ortho, Case Management, blabla.
LOL Well, if the occupation is more "laid back", pays just as good, and is more hygienic in a sense, then my dad considers it a great career. :\

My advice is to pick something and stick with it. I know it is difficult, especially if you are 19. When I was 19 I had no clue what I wanted to do. You're still maturing...

Try getting a nurse aide certificate (the canadian version) and getting a job at a hospital. Check out different units and find what you like. If you don't find anything you like, then your dad is right. If you find something you like, then you've found steady employment. Hey, maybe if you marry a doctor your dad will be happy (I'm joking).

It sounds like you're really struggling for parental approval. I know that is kind of unique to asian culture (kind of like the tradition of giving your mom n dad half your wages!). Anyways, you're in a unique position. Find what makes you happy and run with it, no matter what your parents say. Even if you went for dental hygienist I bet your dad would still be dissatisfied. I'm willing to guess that your parents are hard to please!

Since you're already in the RN program, I'd probably just stick with it.

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I understand your pain. I grew up in the lowermainland and my best friend had the same issues as you are having.

I think you need to ask to have this thread transferred to the Canadian forum for advice that deals with nursing and your choices in Canada.

19 is still young. You have years to decide what to do with your life. If I had to do it over again, I'd become a health records coder. They make pretty good money, it's in healthcare, and it's in an office with zero patient or family contact (the biggest stressors in nursing in Canada). They are unionized and make good wages. I know that here in Alberta they start off at around $27/hour. Your parents can't sneeze at that type of pay. It's a two year course from what I remember.

Cut yourself some slack. Being the first generation educated in the new land is hard and our parents all expect too much from us.

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Since you're already in the RN program, I'd probably just stick with it.

If the OP is in the BScN programme I think they are in, I would get out now. It's competative and will crush you if your not 1000% committed to it.

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Specializes in Acute Mental Health.

If you enjoyed criminology, why don't you investigate the investigating field (Tee Hee). Seriously, you like it, were alert, and law enforcement is an area where you can still help people. No matter what your parents think or feel, ultimately, it is your life and you have to try to be happy. If nursing makes you feel differently, then why push it? Your not going to be any happier with it 20 yrs from now. The above poster advised you to become a CNA and that for sure will let you know if you like the field. It's a short course and you can usually find employment pretty easily. You'll know if you like it within a few months. Sounds better than a few years. Good luck to you.

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Thanks for the replies so far. Sometimes I feel like I'm not pushing myself as hard. But as a highly sensitive individual, I'm not sure how the hospital setting would affect me when I constantly work there. Also, dealing with stubborn people in criminology would probably break me :(

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Specializes in Acute Mental Health.

Sounds like you've got some soul searching ahead of you. One thing you'll always need, if you go on in college, are you basic classes like english, lit, soc, psych, even stats (think masters some day). If your undecided, consider taking those (if you haven't). Remember, tomorrow is going to come regardless, your choices are never set so hard in stone that you can't change your mind. I was in my 30's before I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. Stop worrying and listen to your heart.

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Have you ever thought of Forensic Nursing?? I have a BS in Criminology (corrections/law enforcement) and I'm currently deciding about nursing. Forensics have always interested me and it might be kinda cool to work on a team where you can do some of the clinical type of investigation work. (labs, etc)....

Good luck. I know how you feel though. My advice would be to go with your gut feeling. If it doesn't interest you very much now, you might be wasting your time if you stick with it.

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