inpatient rehab support

[wifeseekinghelp]

For those of you that have been to inpatient rehab, what are the best ways your loved ones at home supported you? I sent him with an envelope to open each day with family pictures and positive encouragement, but I'm at a loss as to the best way to be supportive from 3 hours and what feels like worlds away physically and emotionally.

I dropped him off yesterday and I can't sleep.

I know I need to spend time taking care of myself and I've looked into Al-anon, will be getting a few books to read, and as, frankly, embarrassed as I am I have reached out to my family and friends as well. I have been struggling with this issue for years and I have a lot of anger, resentment, guilt and stress to work through.

Without sharing much information, my spouse is an RN who got in trouble with alcohol and opiates. I was advised on this board not to give details or identifying information, although I'm not sure why it matters much as the Board of Nursing already knows all.

Really I'm just looking for any advice or support anyone wants to give, it's hard to know where to turn in this situation.

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

*hug* I know this is very tough for you right now. You are not alone.

It sounds like you already have a lot of things in mind, and they sound like they'll be helpful. I started with YOU first, because taking care of yourself is the BEST way you can support your husband. Going to Al anon, listening, and reaching out if you wish to, is a great start. You might find people there that you have something in common with. Reading and journalling are also helpful. Through this you can begin to deal with the anger and frustration which you have stated you are having right now. One other very good thing you did was to be honest with your feelings. Bravo! Some cannot do this.

I liked what you made for your husband. Often we can't know how much the "little" things mean to others, but I'll bet he looks at this a lot. He's very fortunate to have you.

The best thing to do for yourself? Take things one day at a time. You can do anything, just for today.

[shugamomma]

Al-anon will be an excellent place to get support.

Take care of yourself. You did not cause your husbands addiction.

As a recovering addict, my husbands support has meant the world to me.

I wish your family all the best. There will be happy times again. Promise.

[dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN]

I would just ask your husband. You'll get a dozen different answers here.

I preferred having the time to decompress by myself but I am not a stranger to institutionalized settings (as a patient) so being in rehab didn't really freak me out. My husband threw himself completely into my first rehab experience. When I inevitably relapsed and went back to rehab, he set strict rules for when he was going to visit and call. I still remember the conversation - how sorry he was but he needed to set boundaries etc. etc. I'd wanted all that the first time around but he never asked what I wanted, just thought it was his job to be 100% supportive by being there all the time.

I would maybe start thinking about marriage counselling. I wish I had done that earlier. Al Anon is good for what it is but you'll need to work on your marriage, too, at some point.

It's going to be a rough while but echoing what others have said, things DO get better.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Al-anon helped me enormously with my issues with the addict in my life. Counseling is huge, too. My heart indeed goes out to you. And my thoughts are with you. You are a really good wife. I can see you love him. But love yourself, too. Get help, serious counseling and soon. I wish you the best, sincerely.

Better days ARE ahead and you have reason for hope. My life today is so much better and the addict I love is doing GREAT. His life is on a good track and he is doing so well. Working, apprenticing as a carpenter and has a wonderful fiancé. I could have never imagined just a few years ago, things could be so awesome. I had to learn how to love him and how to care for him without enabling. I had to learn about myself, too. Never lose hope.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

The best thing you can do to support him right now is let him be totally focused on his recovery while he is in-patient. Get a copy of the AA Big Book and read the first 164 pages but especially the chapter titled "To the wives" It is a rather quaint and sexist section being as how it was written well before the 60's but it does have some info you might find helpful. Also since you state that you have been putting up with this for years toy really need to get to Al-Anon now while he is in In-Patient treatment and keep going. Both your lives depend on developing a strong recovery for both of you. His freedom from addiction and You Freedom from Co-dependent behaviors and attitudes that made all of this somehow ok for so long. To be honest my husband was not very supportive of me when the crap hit the fan and in fact other than call me a low life drug addict to my face did not talk to me at all for almost a year. We communicated by e-mail which was actually suggested by my therapist. At the time he agreed not to divorce me while I was in the recovery/ diversion process so that I could regain my footing and have a career again. Let me tell you it was mighty cold and lonesome in our house for a while. We have a very strong marriage today but he really did have to learn how to cope with how he felt about all of it before he support me. If you have IM privileges reach out to me. I might be able to contact you through a Face book page for Medical professionals in Recovery - but I haven't set it up yet as I am still tying to work out the anonymity factor.

Hppy