Hi, I am new RN grad and I just started working about a month ago on a med/surge floor. I was hired into new grad training program for days. Which included 6 weeks of simulation/didactic and 6 weeks preceptorship. I was a bit unsure of going through this whole thing because I remember through my clinicals nurses told me when you start as a new grad they give you 12 weeks of preceptorship and the pay is also half of what we get paid here in Florida. Not only that, by week 2 of preceptorship I was "excepted to have full assignment!" So then I called a friend of mine that went through this program and she said it was awesome, so I listened and took the offer.
On my first day on the floor my manager came up to me and said she needs me on nights and I agreed. I trained for 2 weeks on days and I loved it, my preceptor and I "clicked" she explained everything and let me do everything. the charge nurse was such a sweetheart and helps the nurses out so much and I never saw her upset. There were nurses who I didn't introduced myself to, knew i was new and would ask me if I was alright and If I needed any help. Even though I was overwhelmed with everything I had support and I had a great preceptor which made me feel at ease. Once I transitioned to nights, my life became miserable.
MY night preceptor is horrible. From the first night I explained to him that I was expected to have full assignment and wanted to do as much as I wanted because I only had 4 wks left. And he said ok but didnt let me have not one pt. The next night we had a crazy night so much things were left undone from day and it was given to us. My preceptor was running back forth without explaining anything to me and didn't acknowledged me at all, he had called two doctors, tried to start an IV and didn't even tell me. I literally went looking for him and found him starting an IV. after the madness calmed down I pulled him aside and told him again that I need to do most of the work. He ended just giving me 3 pts and disappeared on me, i became so upset because when comparing to my day preceptor she would never disapparead on me she would either be next to me or she would wait outside and recheck all my noted and documentation. I automatically started to shut down, I had no one to talk to on the floor.
There is less nurses on nights and they are all in their little corner texting. I felt alone. I called the instructor thats from this new grad program who follows up with me & preceptor every other week to see how im doing. I explained to her my situation and I am overwhelmed and I feel like I am not progressing, I feel alone I feel like it is not a Team at night, I also explained to her how I feel like im missing out on so many things i need to be learning because my preceptor rushes everything and doesn't really include me. All my instructor said to me was "talk to him again, you will be working with him and you do not want to burn any bridges", I told her I already did TWICE. But i listened and the following week I spoke to him again and told him I only have 3 wks left and I want every pt and with u on my side so u can catch my mistakes and if any questions I have I can ask u right away.he said ok and after a few hours he said i was falling behind on my charting so he grabbed a computer and started charting on most of the pt then we received a new admission and he took it and didn't even tell me, he even started blood, I became so upset because he didn't even tell me or gave me the chance i went to the bathroom and I started crying and felt horrible.
The following week he gave me less pt and i was back to 3 i didn't want to argue so i took it and i took my sweet time because at nights its much slower for me so i did a full head to toe on all my pt and even took the time to speak to a pt who was upset and was crying, i come out and my precptor tells me I took to much time. that I talk to much with my pts and how will i survive once i have 6-7 pts. I wpoke to my manager and requested to be changed and she said no they are so short on nurses and they barely have precpetors at night. I also asked to be switched to the other night team because we have to work every other weekend and Ive been schedule to work with this preceptor for the next two years and my manager also told me no. I signed a contract a 2 yr contract and if i quit I will have to pay back 10k back, I am stuck in between a rock and a hard situation. I cry every day and everytime i leave work. I feel so depressed, my days off fly and I am not able to do anything because i am always so tired I feel so miserable.
I do not know what to do, I worked so hard and my nursing school was so hard and I still cant believe i made it. and IT kills me to even think of quitting. I love nursing I love talking to patients and I love to make them feel better. Ive always loved working with people but right now im starting to hate it. I hate rushing things and all this paperwork. I even considered to go back to school to get my masters and study nursing informatics but with this terible depression I feel like I wont even have time to do my course work. I cant go to gym or cook which I used to love doing. I also dont want to quit because I help my mom pay bills and I help her with her medications and I also dont want to let her down, shes so proud of me. But I honestly feel so sad I cant stop crying. I wish I just had a better team or coworker or at least better training. can someone help me on what should i do?
I do not know what to do, I worked so hard and my nursing school was so hard and I still cant believe i made it. and IT kills me to even think of quitting. I love nursing I love talking to patients and I love to make them feel better. Ive always loved working with people but right now im starting to hate it. I hate rushing things and all this paperwork. I even considered to go back to school to get my masters and study nursing informatics but with this terible depression I feel like I wont even have time to do my course work. I cant go to gym or cook which I used to love doing. I also dont want to quit because I help my mom pay bills and I help her with her medications and I also dont want to let her down, shes so proud of me. But I honestly feel so sad I cant stop crying. I wish I just had a better team or coworker or at least better training. can someone help me on what should i do?
Dear missApril,
I'm sorry for what you are feeling right now. What we do as nurses is ridiculously hard on the best of days (or nights). It's even more so when you are new to a place and career. Having a preceptor is a cool idea in theory, but I'm not sure there is anything that can prepare one for the realities of bedside nursing... other than doing bedside nursing. In some ways I think it can be harder to have a preceptor during the learning process than being on your own? Still, I applaud those institutions who are making the effort. Keep in mind you are learning how to swim in the middle of the Atlantic... during a hurricane, there's only so much that can be done to facilitate that process lol. Try and keep in mind it's a hurricane for your preceptor too, even if they are experienced swimmers. If you can keep perspective and hang in, you will be amongst the best 'swimmers' around (metaphorically speaking). Nurses are awesome people.
My first year as a nurse, I came in 40 minutes early every day so I could spend 10 minutes 'with' (I read their chart) each of my patients before I was on the clock (my first job was critical care at nights). I was also working on my BSN online while working my first job. I had to move to another state to get my first nursing job. The hospital was a huge teaching hospital, level one trauma, magnet certified, and certified in 12 specialties, 3 helicopters. The ED had 71 beds and about once a week we'd get a "code yellow," meaning the ED was full and everything just started sliding down hill (i.e., we'd get less than stable patients under crazy conditions).
I cut my nursing teeth in teaching hospitals, and I love/hate the crazy environment. Residents come to a hospital with a couple of degrees and the first year are either deer in the headlights or confident (read: "deluded"). Nurses don't get 3 years of residency, we dive right in after 12 weeks of being precepted (if we're lucky). I was afraid to come to work for about the first 12 months I worked.
My first month on my own I had a perfect storm night where I got an unstable patient from an outlying hospital, and one of my others had just had ab surgery. The unstable patient came right at beginning of shift, was delirious, in ketoacidosis and had a sustained heart rate in the 180/190's (which is why we got him, the other hospital couldn't get his HR down. He had 4 IV sites, all were covered in paper tape (i.e., they could not be assessed), and the delirious patient was trying to remove them working on eloping. The doc gave me bedside orders to push labetalol IV and start a cardizem drip (I'd never done either). Since it was beginning of shift, there was no one to call on for help. The only pump I could find was broken and wouldn't stop alarming. It was 8:30 and a 1:1 didn't arrive until 11, so I had to keep an eye on the pt while trying to assess and give meds to my other patients. The cardizem the hospital had came in bags that had to be mixed and I did it wrong, so my patient was only getting NS. I made it through the night.
The next night I came in, the day nurse was almost gleeful about telling me I'd failed and I got called in by the charge nurse to answer for mess up. She told me she was trying to "light a fire under me" and I crumbled and started crying saying "if it gets any hotter there will be nothing left of me but ash." I felt like a complete idiot and failure, they had no idea what had precipitated my error (adult guys aren't supposed to cry). I went into a deep depression that lasted about 2 months, but I managed to keep going. It got better (I got really good at cardizem after that). My story isn't unique. We all have these stories. The learning curve is steep, and sometimes we slide down on the way up. If you keep going, I guarantee you will discover one day that you are really doing this, and doing it well. You'll calmly walk into a patients room who is in respiratory distress, and do all the right stuff and help them. It will take time and practice to get there though, but you will get there if you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
tallnurseguy
11 Posts
Dear missApril,
I'm sorry for what you are feeling right now. What we do as nurses is ridiculously hard on the best of days (or nights). It's even more so when you are new to a place and career. Having a preceptor is a cool idea in theory, but I'm not sure there is anything that can prepare one for the realities of bedside nursing... other than doing bedside nursing. In some ways I think it can be harder to have a preceptor during the learning process than being on your own? Still, I applaud those institutions who are making the effort. Keep in mind you are learning how to swim in the middle of the Atlantic... during a hurricane, there's only so much that can be done to facilitate that process lol. Try and keep in mind it's a hurricane for your preceptor too, even if they are experienced swimmers. If you can keep perspective and hang in, you will be amongst the best 'swimmers' around (metaphorically speaking). Nurses are awesome people.
My first year as a nurse, I came in 40 minutes early every day so I could spend 10 minutes 'with' (I read their chart) each of my patients before I was on the clock (my first job was critical care at nights). I was also working on my BSN online while working my first job. I had to move to another state to get my first nursing job. The hospital was a huge teaching hospital, level one trauma, magnet certified, and certified in 12 specialties, 3 helicopters. The ED had 71 beds and about once a week we'd get a "code yellow," meaning the ED was full and everything just started sliding down hill (i.e., we'd get less than stable patients under crazy conditions).
I cut my nursing teeth in teaching hospitals, and I love/hate the crazy environment. Residents come to a hospital with a couple of degrees and the first year are either deer in the headlights or confident (read: "deluded"). Nurses don't get 3 years of residency, we dive right in after 12 weeks of being precepted (if we're lucky). I was afraid to come to work for about the first 12 months I worked.
My first month on my own I had a perfect storm night where I got an unstable patient from an outlying hospital, and one of my others had just had ab surgery. The unstable patient came right at beginning of shift, was delirious, in ketoacidosis and had a sustained heart rate in the 180/190's (which is why we got him, the other hospital couldn't get his HR down. He had 4 IV sites, all were covered in paper tape (i.e., they could not be assessed), and the delirious patient was trying to remove them working on eloping. The doc gave me bedside orders to push labetalol IV and start a cardizem drip (I'd never done either). Since it was beginning of shift, there was no one to call on for help. The only pump I could find was broken and wouldn't stop alarming. It was 8:30 and a 1:1 didn't arrive until 11, so I had to keep an eye on the pt while trying to assess and give meds to my other patients. The cardizem the hospital had came in bags that had to be mixed and I did it wrong, so my patient was only getting NS. I made it through the night.
The next night I came in, the day nurse was almost gleeful about telling me I'd failed and I got called in by the charge nurse to answer for mess up. She told me she was trying to "light a fire under me" and I crumbled and started crying saying "if it gets any hotter there will be nothing left of me but ash." I felt like a complete idiot and failure, they had no idea what had precipitated my error (adult guys aren't supposed to cry). I went into a deep depression that lasted about 2 months, but I managed to keep going. It got better (I got really good at cardizem after that). My story isn't unique. We all have these stories. The learning curve is steep, and sometimes we slide down on the way up. If you keep going, I guarantee you will discover one day that you are really doing this, and doing it well. You'll calmly walk into a patients room who is in respiratory distress, and do all the right stuff and help them. It will take time and practice to get there though, but you will get there if you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You've already come a long way, you can do this.