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I'm infertile...and worried about my OB rotation

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by nurse2b013 nurse2b013 (New Member) New Member

nurse2b013 has 2 years experience .

3,520 Visitors; 112 Posts

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Hello! I suffer from permanent infertility (my daughter was stillborn, complications have made it impossible for me to conceive again) and I am really concerned about my OB rotation, as this is an area that evokes strong sadness, loss, etc. emotions in me. I have a difficult time being around pregnant women and newborns. I know I have to remain professional, but...Has anyone else gone through this? Or have any words of wisdom to help me cope? Thank you!

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Meriwhen is a ASN, BSN, RN and specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

2 Followers; 4 Articles; 59,128 Visitors; 7,869 Posts

I'm sorry for your loss.

Since you're not going to be able to avoid this rotation in school, I would seek counseling to help you cope with your feelings, preferably before you begin clinicals.

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941 Visitors; 34 Posts

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how hard that rotation would be on u? During my rotation in O.B. we floated throughout the unit. There is also an antepartum unit where the women are still pregnant and need monitoring? I would be honest with your instructor, and if it would be easier to just see pregnant women, maybe you can spend your rotation mainly there. I agree with the comment above, maybe getting some counceling would help, but I completely understand why it would be so emotional for you! So sorry!

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3,323 Visitors; 63 Posts

Im so sorry!

I experienced infertility for 5 years so I know the emotions that are invoked seeing pregnant women and babies.

I would let your instructor know the situation and that you may need at times a few moments to gather yourself. I would also suggest talking to someone about your feelings before you start your OB rotation..it might help.

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17 Articles; 31,141 Visitors; 4,167 Posts

Many male students (some of whom would like to observe deliveries) are told that they have to stand back and find ways to keep themselves busy when their clinical group does OB. That must mean you can still be a well-rounded nurse without personally watching a birth. Perhaps, your instructors would let you focus on gyn or some other aspect of women's reproductive health.

I'm so sorry maternity is a painful area for you. Going through such a tough time should enhance your empathy and compassion, but it still bites.

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1,916 Visitors; 62 Posts

Im sorry. Im in OB right now and its very hard for me as i have had 3 miscarriages over the past 2 yrs and want a baby more than anything..its very hard to even study the work at this point im depressed all the time..i hope you can make it trough the rotation and i hope it goes by fast..im hopin the same thing for myself...maybe you can talk to your teacher about it..i chose not to but our peds teacher jus shared with her she cant have children and has gone through this so i thought about talkin to her..if u have a teacher u can trust who can help u get through the rotation then i would say try that..if u need someone 2 talk 2 send me a message..again sorry you have to go trough this i know how you feel and its very hard

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6,037 Visitors; 559 Posts

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. What a horrific thing to endure.

Be honest with your teacher. My experience has been that the instructors who advise clinicals for LD/PP are specialized in that area. They should understand. You have to do it, but you need to find a way to do it as safely for yourself as possible.

I agree about getting help now! You would be surprised how many women have lost babies. You certainly wouldn't want to talk with a patient about your experience, but going through that will enrich your care in a way that IMO can't be replicated without experience.

Good luck to you.

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Coriander is a BSN, RN and specializes in Hospice & Palliative Care, Oncology, M/S.

10,887 Visitors; 763 Posts

Big hugs. I'm so sorry you've had to go through such loss.

I've lost three pregnancies, and was terrified of this semester. Last week was our first day in clinical on the L&D floor, and my group was to assess newborns. I've never touched a newborn, and was so afraid of how I would react, especially in public, and with people who don't know what I've been through.

The little infant gave me a gift that day. She latched onto my (clean and gloved) finger, drew it into her mouth, and set to sucking madly while staring into my eyes. It was like she was telling me that it would be okay, that I could be strong.

I don't know if there will be children in my future, adopted or otherwise. Yes, that hurts to think about. But this little angel gave me a gift of love that day, and it started a healing process. Somehow, talking about the loss for years and years never completely soothed the pain. The pain will always be there, but it's been buffered now, thanks to one hour with this baby.

I wish you strength and light. You're in my thoughts. :redpinkhe

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nurse2b013 has 2 years experience.

3,520 Visitors; 112 Posts

Thank you all for your kind replies and advice. To those that responded that have experienced the dark hole of infertility, my heart goes out to you as well.

I have gone to therapy, several times in the four years since my loss. It helps for a while, but the same feelings always manage to come back.

I will definitely speak to my instructor when the time comes.

Thank you all again for your replies!:redbeathe

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kale724 specializes in LTC.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my baby boy last september at 20 weeks pregnant. During that time i was in my Med-Surg rotation. and now i am in my OB rotation and it is hard for me especially since his due date was Jan 14th. Im in therapy and i have talked with my instructors an they are very helpful. If im having one of those days she told me to just let her know and they will find me something else to do. so far i haven't been having too bad of a day that i can not care for my assigned patients. But it increases my want for another child and the thoughts and feelings of wanting my baby here. So i'm expecting to stay in therapy until this rotation is over. Its hard to study for the subject also because of my experience. So my advice would be to talk with your instructors, assess how you are feeling each morning before, an stay in therapy :-) we will get through this rotation!

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4,653 Visitors; 318 Posts

Im very sorry to hear about your loss. Like others have said, do be open with your instructor/s going into this rotation, BEFORE you get into it. There very well may be things you could do that would fufill your requirements for the rotation, but not put you in a position that is too emotionally uncomfortable for you. I'm not at that point yet and dont know how much is required to actually be done in OB rotation and how much is more for the exposure to see if that is a direction on would want to go after graduation. But at least your instructors would know to spare you from anything that is more just for exposure then something your really do have to do.

DEFINITLY do look into councling during this time. Even though you have gone before, this will be something new added on to it, and the last thing you need is this bothering you now and distracting you from studying and learning what you need to know. I know our school has a student assistance program and one thing we are able to get is 5 free councling sessions per issue, for any issue we are dealing with. If your school has any similar program you should try to take full advantage of it.

You have to take care of yourself.....Have to know when things are dragging you down.....Nursing is a career that can and will drag us down....We have to be able to recognise when it is happening and take care of ourselfs.....And seek councling at that time. Be it you dealing with this rotation and it dragging up your pain, dealing with seeing patients die, being in peds or er and seeing abused kids brought in, just dealing with the overall stress...so many senerios that can. If you have free/low cost councling available it probably wouldnt hurt to make yourself an appoinment for before the rotation, and a next appt for after one of your first few clinicals in that situation and then go from there once you see how it affects you. If it bothers quite a bit you maybe try to get an appt every couple weeks. If it doesnt bother you too much maybe just a couple appts during the rotation to help through what does bother you. :redpinkheHUGS:redpinkhe Just remeber that you do have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

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KristeyK specializes in Private Practice- wellness center.

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I so feel for you. While I never had to go through the Hell of a stillbirth, I had 9 m/c and 10 years of ttc before I finally had my miracle that hung on past 16 weeks. I wish I could tell you what worked for me in being able to be around REALLY pregnant women and newborns prior to my son being born. Somehow I was able to see that it was their miracle and find the joy in it that way. (Like you, I tried to talk to someone, but it didn't do a darned thing other than remind me that I should have a couple of teenagers by now!) I'm willing to bet that your instructors will be kind about it.

I talked to a midwife who had the same thing happen, lost her baby at 39 weeks, and that is what called her to do that as a career. She said "if I can't have my own babies, by God I'll experience childbirth this way." She LOVES it, and discovered she loved it while going through her clinical rotation in school 10 years ago. It still hurts her that she never got to experience childbirth the way she should have gotten to, but that it's been extremely healing for her. I hope that if you end up having to experience a delivery during this rotation, that it also inspires a healing moment for you.

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