I just want to talk....

wishinguponastarLPN · May 16, 2011

OK. I know this may sound like the usual whining& complaints of most new grads, but I feel like this is my turn to vent too.
I'm a licensed practical nurse since Oct 2009, but have been working in LTC since April 2010(so it's a year now.)
I've never really been a fan of LTCs from the start(due to small staffing ratios& the quality of care for most,the depression that sinks in some of the residents when living in these kind of places), but since the bulk of employment opportunities for LPNs is in LTC, I felt as if there was no othe door for me. Prior to being a nurse,I did CNA/caregiver/HHA in all kinds of settings: private homes, hospice units, community hospital temp staffing, mental health, LTC,rehab units, etc etc & I loved providing basic nursing care on a bedside level intertwined with psychological, social and ADL. We all know that being a nurse in a facility that goes out the window.Individualised time with your resident is almost nonexistent.The drill is to push that medcart, run around with treatments, doc orders, charting and the list goes on(I can talk about it till the cows come home.) Basically what I'm saying here is I am not satisfied with the quality of care I provide or the quality of care designed for LTC to provide residents is seriously not up to par. I am extremely grateful and lucky to have the experience on working a 7a-3p shift, but with each going day I feel more& more exhausted,drained,pushed to the brink& end up unhappy with the outcome. It's a norm for me to come home after a shift-take a shower-grab a snack-sit for a while & before I know it, I'm passed out on the couch or watching TV. I feel so exhausted& drained that God knows how someone with a family to raise& a role of a spouse does it. Mind you I am only 30, pretty healthy(ok I'm gulity for not exercising) but keep a well balanced diet(maybe not when working coz' there's no time to eat!)
Honestly, I've tried to look at things with a positive light, some days are good & some days are not so good.
But recently I am slowly coming to a point where I can even put in a 2week notice without having another job lined up.Recently our 3rd nurse is on a 2week vacation, and instead of managent staffing the position, we are stretched to 2 nurses andthe shift can be a little zoo sometimes with chaos. I don't wanna reach a point where I doubt having done nursing. I miss the good feeling I had when I was an aide. It wasn't always a walk down the park either, I came across demanding clients& patients, personalities of all kinds, but don't remember having such intense feelings of " I don't even have an adjective to describe the feeling."
My goals are definately to continue to becoming an RN, possibly to a Master's level with an emphassis in caring or being part of a team implementing treatment or prevention measures for Communicable diseases( especially in 3rd world nations- I'm an African if I may add, so it comes close to heart for me.) Maybe I see LTC as more of a 'business'(cause that's how employees and residents are treated) and not on a 'need based' level. My dream is to help the needy and the 'have nots.' And maybe I've come to a point where I am sick of myself not pushing enough toward working for that goal.
Thankyou for listening, your input will be greatly appreciated!

I think your feelings unfortunately are very common. As an aide you are able to spend a lot of time with the residents, get to know them, their likes, their dislikes, ect. As a nurse you only know, they take their meds with applesauce and the are an accucheck, and a wound change q shift. Try to look at your currently position as a stepping stone. Go back and get your RN, and your MSN and full fill your dreams. In the meantime, you mentioned you want to help the "needy" and the "have nots" are these residents not needy? They aren't capable of doing the things they once could and they do not have family to help them. Try to rememember that these "old folks" need you too. :nurse:

Ivanna_Nurse, BSN, RN · May 16, 2011

Part of it is that you are still new to nursing, it hasnt been but a year. In this time you will experience frustration with the limitations that are placed on you and be dissatisfied with the amount of care you provide. Nursing school was 2 patients, all of the care. Now you are in a spot where that isnt the case. Of course you are going to have some depression and wonder what youre doing, because I am almost certain that we have all been there.

At the end of the day, if the least you can do is say that noone died and everyone was safe, that is a start.

Remember that all nursing isnt like this.

Keep your goals clear and in mind.. eyes on the prize! It serves as motivation when you feel low.

Remember to eat well and take care of yourself. Just a smidge of physical activity will boost your spirits when your job has you blue.

Dont forget you always have friends here who have been there, question what the heck they are doing all the time and wonder if they are the only ones.... Just come find us here :)

Lastly, you will get to a point of acceptance, when you know you are doing right by your patients within the limitations. Just hang in there, theres a light at the end of the tunnel!

Feel better, Ivanna

westieluv · May 16, 2011

Your post is well thought out and describes almost to a tee what many of us are experiencing working in LTC. It is frustrating, it is exhausting, it is depressing at times, and it is just plain HARD! I don't mind the hard work, although my 45 yo body might be saying something different, lol, especially when I have been on my feet for 8+ hours without a break and each step that I take by the time that I get home causes extreme physical pain, not to mention my hips and knees. But that's not the worst of it. No, the greatest pain is the emotional pain of not being able to be there for the residents in a personal, caring way. There are little old ladies who never get visitors who I would absolutely love to sit down and talk to and just brush their hair or read to them, even for a few minutes, just to let them know that they are more than a number to shove pills into. But if I tried to give them any time beyond running into their rooms, giving them their pills, and moving on to the next room, I would be there for an hour and a half extra every night and my meds would all be late.

I think it's sickening how the elderly are treated in our society--basically, if you can't work and be productive then you are worthless and need to be hidden away in some facility until you die. In the meantime, we will continue to give you a boatload of pills that you don't even want, just so that you can continue to live in this cold, impersonal place and wait even longer to die. Please don't get me wrong, I am not in any way, shape, or form and advocate of euthenasia. What I am an advocate of is treating the elderly like they are people with feelings who matter, and taking into consideration not only their physical needs but their emotional needs as well. Feeling unwanted and unloved is just as bad as having physical pain, yet the staffing in most LTC facilities guarantees that those needs can never be met. But hey, look at that bottom line!

Sigh...sorry I wrote a book here, but it really bothers me. I am leaving LTC in a couple of weeks and I will not be coming back. Maybe I'm too weak, but I just can't stand it anymore.

delilas · May 16, 2011

I will be the first to say that working LTC and truly enjoying it is a special (and fairly rare) breed of nursing. I knew immediately during my clinicals in LPN that LPN was not my cup of tea; I took an Urgent Care job that pays considerably less but I love what I do.

And even within LTC, there is a lot of variation in care, morale, staffing, and more from place to place (or even unit to unit). If you can't find a job in something besides LTC, at least try finding another location.

But definitely, continue on! Get to your RN and the opportunities for various work environments will expand and while it may take you awhile to truly find an area you love, it will be worth the work.

I wish you the best of luck!

AJPV · May 16, 2011

Go on to get your RN & even MSN. Find an ANA magnet hospital that prides itself on reasonable nurse-patient ratios, and that includes bedside nurses on the committees that actually formulate policies. "Shared governance" is what they call this, and it is really catching on since it helps earn magnet designation. The staff morale & quality of care is usually much higher in these hospitals.

Butterfly0328 · May 16, 2011

Westieluv- I couldn't agree with you more. It's unforgivable the way the elderly are treated in our society. My mother recently passed away after a 6 year battle with cancer. She was in hospice for about four months and while the nurses were awesome, I was rather shocked to learn that hospic willingly provided pain pills, they would not provide my mother with the medication she needed to increase her appetite. It's as if they were wanting her pass on. Don't get me wrong here as I am not referring to the nurses but rather the business side of hospice. My father had to pay cash for this medication. I totally feel that the senior citizens in this country should be taken care of in terms of food, shelter and medical coverage- ALL FREE OF CHARGE!!! Just my two cents.

iceprincess492 · May 16, 2011

Your post is well thought out and describes almost to a tee what many of us are experiencing working in LTC. It is frustrating, it is exhausting, it is depressing at times, and it is just plain HARD! I don't mind the hard work, although my 45 yo body might be saying something different, lol, especially when I have been on my feet for 8+ hours without a break and each step that I take by the time that I get home causes extreme physical pain, not to mention my hips and knees. But that's not the worst of it. No, the greatest pain is the emotional pain of not being able to be there for the residents in a personal, caring way. There are little old ladies who never get visitors who I would absolutely love to sit down and talk to and just brush their hair or read to them, even for a few minutes, just to let them know that they are more than a number to shove pills into. But if I tried to give them any time beyond running into their rooms, giving them their pills, and moving on to the next room, I would be there for an hour and a half extra every night and my meds would all be late.
I think it's sickening how the elderly are treated in our society--basically, if you can't work and be productive then you are worthless and need to be hidden away in some facility until you die. In the meantime, we will continue to give you a boatload of pills that you don't even want, just so that you can continue to live in this cold, impersonal place and wait even longer to die. Please don't get me wrong, I am not in any way, shape, or form and advocate of euthenasia. What I am an advocate of is treating the elderly like they are people with feelings who matter, and taking into consideration not only their physical needs but their emotional needs as well. Feeling unwanted and unloved is just as bad as having physical pain, yet the staffing in most LTC facilities guarantees that those needs can never be met. But hey, look at that bottom line!
Sigh...sorry I wrote a book here, but it really bothers me. I am leaving LTC in a couple of weeks and I will not be coming back. Maybe I'm too weak, but I just can't stand it anymore.

Here I go defending LTC facilities and nurses again LOL. If this is truly causing you emotional pain, you can always clock out at the end of your shift and go back and spend 10 or 15 min with one of your residents that are having a particularly difficult day. 10 min to us is not very much but to them it can make their day. I have been in LTC many years and alot of the residents become like grandparents to me and I actually enjoy spending time with them on or off the clock. There are several nurses where I work who take their residents out on their days off or on Holidays etc...

Secondly if you truly see residents in LTC as people who are being medicated when they don't want to be, sitting around waiting to die, perhaps it is for the best that you are leaving LTC to find a specialty that you will enjoy and leaving LTC to those of us who enjoy it. Lastly not all facilities are cold and impersonal....I think it is more the staff than the physical building that make it feel that way.

Good luck to you, I hope you find your niche.