I hate my job. What do I do?

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Hello fellow nurses,

After many thousands of dollars for student loan debt, and a couple years under my sleeve in med-surg nursing, I have realized that I just can't do it. I graduated and things felt like I was on top of the world. A year into my first position, my mom's cancer returned. I was in and out of bad relationships. Then I got pregnant and the father refused to be involved. I had to leave my position because I couldn't handle the stress at work combined with the stress of my pregnancy with an absent father. I tried an agency job close to my home, worked while pregnant and health complications from the pregnancy impacted my physical health. The agency treated me like ****, and were not able to allow me to take FMLA for the birth of the baby, because of being less than 50 employees. So here I was without a job to return to. I went into Major Depression and Anxiety. The only thing I had to live for was my baby. It took 2 years for me to return to working. I got treatment for my health conditions but I wouldn't say I was totally better. More or less, I felt no other option but to return to work for the money. I have been back to working in a hospital for 6 months now and I honestly hate it. I dread going to work. The facility recently underwent a merger and things are a little chaotic. There are issues that make it very hard to do my job. But when things go wrong, of course the Nurse gets the blame. Most nights our hospital has NO orderly. Many nights we had no unit secretary. And when I was hired they said the ratio was 5 or 6:1 but that's a lie. The ratio on most nights is 8:1 and most nights I am so busy that I can not get my charting done. Which is fine by me, I will stay until my work is completed, but then the managers are on you about overtime.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like it will never get any better. I don't even want to be a Nurse anymore. But what will I do with this debt? I am still in school working on a BSN. That was probably a mistake to re-enroll. but I did and now I am in more debt. Could it just be that Med-Surg nursing is the problem? Even if that's true, there's no other jobs where I live (small town). Everything else is a far drive of atleast 1 hour each way. I am so torn. Do I stay at a job I hate because the money is good, and the drive is only 20 minutes? Should I take more time off to deal with my Depression? And then try to return to Nursing in a few months to a year?

If anyone can offer any advice I would greatly appreciate your insight. thank you so much for listening to my story.

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Specializes in ICU, PIC, BURN UNIT, PEDS, MED SURG, PSY.

Good God girl, I do remember feeling just like you and the only thing I can say is that when you least expect it, life changes. Honestly. I used to take to my bed for days at a time just to get up in time to go to work again. My kids had to stay with my parents. I stopped working in med/surg and tried geriatrics, ob, and then I began to float for a while. Then I did home care. Finally I wrote a book to try to change nursing, health care etc. and it was a best seller. I went to talk to a therapist and realized that while some of my depression came from my internal conflicts, a lot of it came from working in a health care system that didn't value the work I did enough and offered no support. Only my patients seemed to get it! Anyway, what I'm saying is that maybe if you work through your inner stuff, you'll see opportunities for the changes you need. And remember, things really always change. Also, you might want to check out NursingYourSpirit.com or call her. Maybe it will help. (it's not my site) I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon. Hugs

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Specializes in Post Anesthesia.

??? Are there no other health care centers in your area? I HATED my first job in Nursing- for many of the same reasons you described. I am not a big fan of change so I gutted it out for a few mos. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and started looking around for a hospital with a strong Nursing department and a patient focused care model. (This was before the days of "magnet" hospital status.) I found a new position in a different hospital, on a unit that enabled personal growth with a lot of support and a positive plan of care. Sure- there were short staffed shifts, some mandatory OT, and the work was more than I could handle for a few mos, but the hospital really wanted to provide quality care, and my input was always welcomed. Not that I knew any answers, but being part of the process of making things better made all the difference. I've worked for that hospital for more than 26years and plan to retire form here. Don't get stuck in a dead end rut of bad patient care and abusive administration. It only gets harder to start over as you gain seniority and learn to cope with inadequate resources. If you have 6mos acute care experience- start looking around.

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You wrote a book? That is amazing! I guess you aren't allowed to tell me which book are you?

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In my county, there is the hospital I work at now. Another hospital a few blocks away, which is now part of the same system since merger. So same hospital, just 2 different locations. And a 3rd hospital close to my house, but has a bad reputation... I doubt things would be any better there.

I have worked at a hospital that was Magnet, and it was great, had stressful days too, but in hindsight... things were so much more organized and professional. Nurses were respected. But it is 1.5 hours drive each way. I was living in that city, but then had to move when my mom got sick. Tried the commute for several months, but my depression w/ driving, got the best of me.

The only other places in this county are LTC facilities... correctional facilities... and Home health care. Tried home health for a couple months and I don't think I'd ever want to do it again.

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Specializes in Med/surg.

Wow! First of all I have to say great job in getting back into your profession! Really! I'm almost at that point as well where I'm strongly considering going back to work after resigning 2 years ago to treat major depression and anxiety and simply live life with as little stress as possible (impossible with 4 kids). But you were strong enough to go back and handle your business. Props! It's hard to work in a place where you don't feel valued. You said there are no other nearby facilities? Keep your eyes open and don't rule out facilities an hour away. Perhaps you'd do better with a travel agency so you can relocate and start someplace new. If those are not options for you because you have a young child and need to stay close to your support system then it sounds like you can either tough it out where you are or find another job to pay your bills just while you're still in school then later on make that move. Good luck

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Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

maybe there is another aspect of nursing at the same facility you can explore. Have you looked into transferring to another unit or into another department like case management or education?

As fas as your debts go, have you looked into any nursing debt repayment program? These sites may be helpful to you.

http://www.hrsa.gov/loanscholarships/repayment/nursing/

http://www.aacn.nche.edu/Government/StateResources.htm

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