I can't handle it when kittens die...how can I be a nurse?

[cherubhipster]

I finished my first year in a two year RN program.

During my summer off, I decided I would take the time to foster some kittens. I ended up with four newborn babies, found on somebody's door step.

I've been nursing them around the clock for the past week. Two days ago the smallest, weakest one died. Then, today I was in the animal hospital again with a second fading kitten. On my way out of the door to the hospital, frantic with my three remaining kittens and fumbling with the screen, one of my babies lept out of the box and fell. Now, this kitten is brain damaged and will most likely need to be put to sleep. The doctor/vet said it is likely that the litter contracted a virus in utero, and that what they had was either already set, or contagious. She said that most likely the last remaining kittens would pass shortly.

I've been crying and miserable. On top of the stress of loosing these little creatures that have been so dear to me, I am afraid of how this reflects on me as a nurse. Not in the sense that i failed in my care for them because they are sick- I understand that this is beyond control. I am more afraid of how my reaction to all of this reflects on me as a nurse. I am going to pieces over kittens... if I work in a NICU, how could I possibly handle loosing a patient? (I have been considering this for my career). How can I handle loosing a human of any age, for that matter?

Could anybody reflect on this for me? I am having a problem getting outside of my own head at the moment.

thank you and much love..

[nkara, CNA]

I'm the same way with animals. But I find when people die I'm ready for it. I've been a CNA for about 2 years now and have had plenty of deaths. I think that seeing them suffer and then finally be at peace helps.

[Katnip, RN]

I'm the same way. I tend to fall apart when an animal dies. I can deal much better with human death, even infants.

Shore yourself up with your own solid spiritual beliefs, whatever they may be. That will help you deal with the tougher times.

[chicookie, BSN, RN]

Thankfully, I haven't had anyone die on me yet. Or come close to it. So I really wouldn't know how it feel or anything. But if its something that we come across often, us as humans learn to cope and move on. It doesn't get easier for sure, but we learn to cope. Whether it be having a more spiritual life, or finding something or someone that eases the pain. That is all I can say, since I don't think about bridges until I am about to cross them.

[Tait, MSN, RN]

Animals have a helplessness you tend to find a lot less in humans, especially the adult population. Also, as a nurse, you have much stronger background in human physiology, so you are more prepared to help "fight the battle with all your resources" than simply nurse something until it dies.

This is however not watertight, there are patients you hold the hand of as you perform comfort cares, and there are patients who will be just as helpless as those klittens.

You will be ok. :)

:icon_hug:

Tait

[mcnini77]

I am a former animal control officer who is now studying to become a nurse. I left the animal control field because I couldn't handle all the suffering, pain, and death/euthanasia of the animals. However, I think I will be a good nurse. It's not that I won't have compassion for people, I just tend to get far more attached to animals. Perhaps because they cannot tell you what they are thinking, and have no voice? I am very compassionate and empathetic towards people, as well, I just think that it will be easier for me to not get personally involved with human patients.

So, I guess it depends on your own personality. There are so many areas of nursing, even if you have a hard time at first, you can always work towards a department that doesn't have alot of death/dying/suffering. I, for example, hope to someday work with recovering drug addicts. Of course, they do suffer! But I think it's a little different =)

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Best for you to do some volunteering in NICU. A death in NI can be devastating.

[RuRnurse?]

Death is why I won't work in pediatrics. Ever.

Death in the elderly I can handle, no problem. Even in the long-term sick, who have suffered so much before the end. But there is something about a child dying that would destroy me as a nurse.

[nursemichelle80, BSN, RN]

I can't stand to see an animal die...they're all so helpless

I did hospice nursing for 6 months and had no problems watching people die. The first death was a bit traumatic because the guy was my dad's age and his daughter was my age. Seeing her lay on his chest crying "come back daddy, I love you" was a bit hard to bear. I ran out of the room in tears!!!

It's different with people...you will see...you will have those tough experiences...it's inevitable!

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

I wondered how I'd take death in a person, since I am a complete puddle over animals. But it's different; with an animal, unless you're a vet or vet tech, you're helpless -- you can feed and water and nuture, but that's about it. It's different when you've got a sick person, and you're placing tubes and pushing meds, yelling for the lab to get stat ABGs, etc. You don't have time to dwell on it in the moment.

Have patient deaths made me cry? Of course. Not all of them, and not to the same degree. Some are frequent admissions d/t their cancer or COPD or CHF, and you can get attached to them and their families. The nurse in you knows what's coming, even when your emotions are trying to find a way for them to get better just one more time.

You will also have patients that don't make you cry, the ones who worked as hard as they could to kill themselves with drugs, ETOH, or complete neglect of their medical care because they didn't like taking their insulin, or the way the BP meds made them feel, or couldn't stop stuffing coke up their nose even when they only had 10% EF. When they pass, you may feel sad, but don't be surprised if you also feel a frustrated aggravation that this was something that didn't have to be.

[texas2007, BSN, RN]

I have a hard time with animals, too. I would guess that you feel even worse because you have been "mom" to the kitten.

I work in NICU and when a patient passes, it is usually (99% of the time), a relief to me. Sometimes I am even happy for the patient. My unit is not really good explaining long term stuff to families so as a result, we have a lot of kids that look sad and miserable for months and months, plus they have all the iv sticks, lab draws, suctioning, pain etc. So to me, it is really easy to come to terms with the death by knowing that they are in a better place. The ones that really get me are the ones that have been doing great and suddenly they aspirate and go into full blown PPHN, or they NEC out, and always the term HIE kiddos.

I hope that helps!!

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

you'll do just fine in nursing. i am sorry to hear about your fur babies.

death of an animal for me is much harder to watch than death of an adult patient. children and babies are very hard for me, which is why i don't work in those areas, but adult patients i do alright with.

like many of the other posters have noted, when you exhaust all efforts to save someones life, sometimes it's best to see them free from the pain and suffering.... it's frustrating to me, sometimes, to watch people live in the condition they are in because the family does not want to let go--and the patient is just the shell of who they once were.

something one of my paramedic instructors said to me a long time ago stuck with me, and i try and remember what he says everytime i get that frustrating feeling... "once you're born, your clock starts ticking. sometimes we turn our clock forward with bad choices, sometimes our clock gets turned forward with bad luck... but once your work here is over, no amount of ACLS will bring you back". i think the fact that i am very spiritual helps me also. i take peace in the fact that my patients are with the Lord, and to me thats the best place to be.

i've cried a few times over patients, i've cried with patients, i've cried with their families after they're gone. there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong, with showing emotion---you're a human being! we aren't robots.

i'm still a baby nurse--had my license about a year, and even with my EMS experience (and i've seen some realllllly bad stuff in the field), the first time i had to tell a family member and say "i'm sorry, we did everything we could, they didn't make it", i found myself choking back some emotion. it's a combination of that adrenaline slowing down and your human instincts kicking in. there's nothing wrong with that. don't bottle it up. that's why we have debriefings after codes.

just try your best not to take each and every one of your patients home with you, because it will take a toll on your well being. there needs to be a part of you that is not a nurse 24/7.

i wish you the best in your new career. you will do great.