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How do you manage your spouses in nursing

Nurses   (1,776 Views 9 Comments)
by PRETTYODD PRETTYODD (Member)

PRETTYODD specializes in med surg,stroke.

1,236 Profile Views; 28 Posts

I am currently enrolled in 6 hrs of msn school, 3 days/wk RN job and a mother of kindergartner and middle school school child.

Sometimes my frustration comes out on my family and I snap at my hubby. He takes it seriously and thinks that by being independent, I am treating her badly. I was housewife for 10 yrs before I joined nursing. Its not like that. I care my family and am aware that due to being busy, I neglect them sometimes.

I hate my in-laws and if they come to know that there are now emerging arguments between us, they will make it worse. Both my parents are dead. My siblings liv every far from me.

I have to make everyone happy, my kids, my managers, my hubby, my friends.

its too much. I do not cry but inside I am crying all the time and pretend to be happy.

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jossjjojo specializes in Cardiology.

38 Posts; 2,347 Profile Views

I am currently enrolled in 6 hrs of msn school, 3 days/wk RN job and a mother of kindergartner and middle school school child.

Sometimes my frustration comes out on my family and I snap at my hubby. He takes it seriously and thinks that by being independent, I am treating her badly. I was housewife for 10 yrs before I joined nursing. Its not like that. I care my family and am aware that due to being busy, I neglect them sometimes..

What is the issue? Are you overwhelmed? Is your husband not helping with the house or the children?

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1,246 Posts; 13,352 Profile Views

You sound overwhelmed and depressed. Find out about the Employee assistance program at your place of employment. You usually get 3 visits for free.

I have no idea why you hate your in-laws, it is wasted energy. They raised your hubby, and couldn't have been all that bad. It isn't worth your while to be that upset.

And who does your spouse think you are treating badly?

Best wishes to start feeling better.

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7 Posts; 570 Profile Views

I can relate! My inlaws have offered to buy my hubby a car, pay his rent, and give him spending money if he will leave me!:mad: He's an only child and they have fooled themselves into believing that he's perfect. They are crazy! His mom even told me that "I knew he had a drug problem, but I didn't want to deal with it." :smackingf (this was happening when he was a teenager) How messed up/selfish do you have to be to ignore something that could KILL your child? :uhoh3: But anyway, getting WAY OT....

Anyway, I've understand how hard it is to feel the pull between your family and your career. Are you on a specific time frame for school? Is there a chance that you could take a semester off, or cut back your classes to spend some family time? If not, can you cut back work? My husband had a hard time with my school (I only did it for a semester) because he just wasn't use to having to deal with the kids and things by himself. I got snappy too, it's hard not to when you want to do so well at something, but feel guilty about not spending the time you want with your family/kids.

Another option might be have ONE whole day where you agree to not open a book and just spend time with the family playing games, going to the park whatever you guys like to do. Make the time to show your family that YES you are busy, but they are still a priority to you.

I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed, and hoping you are able to find a balance that works for you and your family!:hug:

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PRETTYODD specializes in med surg,stroke.

28 Posts; 1,236 Profile Views

Thank you arigato and others, no, my husband otherwise is helpful with kids and some errands at home but he feels as if after getting added paycheck at home, I am being snooty and want to boss.

He has a very decent paying job but this is 1st time that a woman in his family is doing so much stuff at one time.

Regarding in-laws , they do not help with anything but add always more to arguments and will always find fault in me only. In their opinion, women's job is to sit at home cook , clean , raise kids ( Which I was doing for 10 yrs ).

I think, I will take some days off after thanksgiving and will spend complete week with my family, may be that will help. I want no problems in my marriage as I have little kids. I will try ! wish me luck

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184 Posts; 4,347 Profile Views

All I can say is... *hugs*

well... and...

Speaking from experience it is the sole purpose of certain intollerable in-laws to make your life horrible. Just do what you have to do and don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they are affecting you... as hard as that may be...

And always remember that your sanity is uber important as a mom and Nurse...

we are here for you girl! :)

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nurse2033 is a MSN, RN and specializes in ER, ICU.

3 Articles; 2,122 Posts; 28,303 Profile Views

Talk with hubby about your inlaws. I had trouble between my ex and my parents and I totally sided with my ex (divorce was later on other issues). He needs to step and be a man and intervene, protect you, and/or tell them to back off. You are under a lot of stress and he should be helping you out. You may need to reduce contact with them, and he should explain to them why.

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jossjjojo specializes in Cardiology.

38 Posts; 2,347 Profile Views

Talk with hubby about your inlaws. I had trouble between my ex and my parents and I totally sided with my ex (divorce was later on other issues). He needs to step and be a man and intervene, protect you, and/or tell them to back off. You are under a lot of stress and he should be helping you out. You may need to reduce contact with them, and he should explain to them why.

That's what I was going to suggest. They are his parents, not yours, you don't have to deal with them and he needs to step up to the plate and set them straight.

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49 Posts; 1,574 Profile Views

Stop. You can't please everyone. You are in survival mode and need to regroup!

Put your husband first. Children second. Job/School 3rd. Friends last.

If I were in your shoes, I'd go on a date with my husband, tell him that he is #1 and I'm sorry if it seems I've been neglecting him. Let him know where he falls in your list of priorities. If he is #1, everything else will be much easier. If things are rocky with husbands, it tends to spill over into other areas.

Kids are little once. If I were in your shoes, I'd wait til my kindergardener was in full time school to carry 6 or more credits again. Here it is usually first grade for full time school. Your classes will still be around next spring/fall if you decide to spread classes out a little more thinly or temporarily suspend them. Your baby will not.

You said your husband has a very decent paying job. I would cut down on my hours at work. Are you able to do 2 days/week? That would free up quite a bit of time if you can afford the pay cut. I would do it. Money cant buy a happy marriage or moments with your kids.

And I know it seems impossible to find time to do this, but are you excerising at all? It'll help your body and your spirit gain more energy.

And finally, the inlaws. Your family seems somewhat traditional and I dont think youd find it offensive if I assumed he wants to be 'head of the household' and youre OK with that. Since he'll be your #1 priority, you should also be his.

He should, and may want to, take the lead and control his parents when they go too far. As his wife, you come first and are above everyone else, including his own parents. You are his priority, he loves you and wants to protect you. He should be able to calm the seas with the inlaws when he sees them starting something. They will learn how far they can push it.

When spouses put each other first, the family stays strong. To get through everything, you need this network.

Edited by RoseanneMartin

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