How to avoid giving my personal info to patients?

llg, PhD, RN · Jan 15, 2014

There is no one, right answer to that question. Most times, it's best to compromise a bit ... give them a little harmless information and change the topic to something else. Do you refuse to give out ANY information? Or is there some special reason you need to hide EVERYTHING about yourself? As you say, most times, this is just normal small talk -- and a way for the patient to be comfortable with the person taking care of them. You have access to much of their most intimate information and they want to feel comfortable with you, find something in common, etc. as a way of relating to you.

Unless you have some special reason to hide everything, I suggest you identify a few pieces of information you wouldn't mind sharing. Then change the subject. For example, I grew up in a state different from where I live. I have no objections to saying that I grew up "up north" or "in Pennsylvania," etc. But I would feel less comfortable talking about where I live now (even though our last names are on our badges and they could look it up in the phone book.) I would not object to telling some nice little old lady that I was single, but if I would feel less comfortable telling that to some man. If a man I thought was flirting with me were to ask, I would tell him I was "spoken for" (a white lie) and let him know I was not available. A lot depends on the situation.

What is the common practice in your workplace? How do your colleagues handle those sorts of questions? It is usually best to blend in with your colleagues as much as possible and to not stand out as being significantly different. Therefore, I would also recommend following their lead.

Lola Lou, BSN · Jan 15, 2014

No, I don't have a specific reason for want to keep my personal information "hidden" other than the fact that I'm a private person. If I feel comfortable with the nice little old lady that you mentioned above then I have no problem answering her questions without hesitation. I guess I'm referring more to the patient that is constantly asking personal questions. Because the hospital is in a small community (that I'm not from) I notice that many nurses and other staff members have met and know patients outside of the hospital. These same staff members are very open with those patients. Since I do not have an established relationship with most of my patients I do not feel as comfortable sharing info with them as other staff members may be comfortably doing. I am in no way standoffish when it comes to communicating with my patients. I just want to remain professional and not see a friend request from one them in the future. Thanks for your input.

DoeRN · Jan 15, 2014

I get asked questions like this all of the time. I live in an area that has a distinct dialect and clearly as soon as I talk everyone immediately knows I'm not from this area. I'll tell people where I'm from and I'll answer the kid question. I respond by saying I don't have children. I don't have any and don't want any but I don't say this. Now if someone asks why then I'll say because I don't want any and it's a personal preference. I don't think it's a rude response but it is letting them know ok time to change the subject. What usually works for me is redirecting the questions back to them. Or I'll say well let's talk about your plan of care today.

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Lola Lou, BSN · Jan 16, 2014

Thanks for your suggestion DoeRN!

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jan 17, 2014

No, I don't have a specific reason for want to keep my personal information "hidden" other than the fact that I'm a private person. If I feel comfortable with the nice little old lady that you mentioned above then I have no problem answering her questions without hesitation. I guess I'm referring more to the patient that is constantly asking personal questions. Because the hospital is in a small community (that I'm not from) I notice that many nurses and other staff members have met and know patients outside of the hospital. These same staff members are very open with those patients. Since I do not have an established relationship with most of my patients I do not feel as comfortable sharing info with them as other staff members may be comfortably doing. I am in no way standoffish when it comes to communicating with my patients. I just want to remain professional and not see a friend request from one them in the future. Thanks for your input.

If you're new to small town living, there's a lot you probably don't understand. In a small town, everyone knows everyone -- and their ancestors and descendants as well. I remember having a flat tire four miles outside of town, and while I was changing it, a little old man pulled up behind me. He asked me my name, and I told him. "Oh," he said. "You're Bill C's grand daughter, aren't you?"

"Great grand daughter," I said.

"Oh yes. Time goes by so fast. I used to run with Bill in high school. Now you just make yourself comfortable, and I'll get this changed for you in no time."

And he changed my tire while regaling me with tales of my great grandfather's hijinks in high school.

In a town where everyone knows everyone, they want to know who you are and where you belong. Are you in town because of a SO who is from there? Because of a friend? It was the only job you could find? Briefly tell them that. Do you go to the Baptist Church on Elm street? Or one of the two Lutheran churches that sit across from each other on Main Street? They'll want to know that. If you feel comfortable, tell them. They'll want to know who knows you, who you know. Where do you fit it, who are your "people."

I used to tell people that I was from "a little town near the Mississippi" (or "The River," as most people with in a few hundred miles of it call it.) I'm in THIS town because I wanted to work in the oncology unit that has such a good reputation. My uncle has lived here for 50 years. As long as you're friendly, they'll be happy with little snippets of information.

I don't think this is as much a nursing questions as it is a small town question!

Lola Lou, BSN · Jan 17, 2014

Ruby Vee, I'm quite familiar with small town curiosity. I'm not from the actual town that the hospital is located in but just 30 minutes north of it. I am always friendly when communicating with my patients no matter what questions are asked of me. I guess my original post was just looking for some suggestions on different ways of handling personal questions from a patient. Thanks for your input.