HOTEL OR HOSPITAL?????

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Specializes in L&D, PP, Nursery.

I work on L&D, Post partum at a small community hospital. So often, I walk in the room on postpartum and Dad is lying in bed with the newly delivered mother (many times, spooning!). I once almost started an assessment on a father because he was in the bed alone, sitting up, holding the baby, no shirt on with a pink ruffled blanket on him. I thought it was a breastfeeding mother. He also had his hair pulled back into a ponytail. Mom was the bathroom. When I finally realized he was the the father, I jokingly said "Oh my goodness, I thought you were the patient!" I kindly told him that the bed was for mom only. He started to put his shirt on before I had to ask him too. He then said, "I've been in this bed all night and you're the first nurse that has said anything about it". I'm not a prude by any means but this really makes me mad. It happens all the time. We've even had mom sleeping in the chair while dad is sleeping in the bed! I've brought this up at staff meetings before so a some of us that don't tolerate it aren't the "bad guys", but it doesn't seem to matter. I realize that the trend is to make the birthing experience as "family oriented" as possible but isn't this carrying it a bit too far? Am I overreacting? When my son was born, I would have never dreamed of having my husband lie in bed with me! What is the trend at your hospital and how do you handle this? Thanks.

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Specializes in Acute post op ortho.

I've walked in on patients having sex with their spouse. Sitting in the bed holding his child is pretty tame in comparison.

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

I've never had that happen to me (yet) so I can't say whether you are overreacting.

If it were me...as long as Mom was fine with it, neither she nor baby were coming to harm, and they were not being disruptive in any way, then I think I could let the family be. So Dad's in bed: no one's getting hurt, so no worries.

But if Mom or baby are suffering, or if the family antics are seriously interfering with nursing care or are disrupting the rest of the unit, then I would talk to the charge nurse/NM and get her to back me up when I go put my foot down to stop it.

And I hope I never walk into my patients having sex...especially if Mom's post-partum.

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Specializes in Gerontology.

I had a visitor get into the roommate's bed and have a nap!

The roommate was out on what we call a "weekend" pass- in rehab, we often send people out for the weekend to see how they cope before we offically discharge them.

anyway, another nurse and I were making rounds, pulling people up in bed for supper, etc, when we noticed the curtains pulled around the roommates bed, that should have been empty. We kinda looked at each - Huh? Then we saw a pair of feet appear and it became clear that the visitor had been sleeping in the bed. We told her this was not permitted - and then made a big production of stripping and remaking the bed. Then we noticed that all the roommate's pillow were missing. I asked my Coworker - Oh, where are her pillows? (I'd already figured out where they were) The visitor casually says - "Oh - I took them for my Mom". We took them back - "Mom" already had 4 hospital pillows plus 2 from home and did not need the roommate's 2.

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Specializes in ER.

If they are happy and it doesn't interfere with care I think it's fine.

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I'm a L&D/PP nurse as well. As long as it isn't interfering with the mom's rest, I have no problem with it at all. It becomes a problem to me, when like you said, Dad is in the bed, and Mom is in a chair, or on the couch. I try to see what the dynamics of the relationship are. Couples are different, and some women need/want the comfort of their spouse beside them. It doesn't always mean anything sexual is going on. However, you are not alone. A lot of nurses that I work with have a problem with it as well. I, personally, just do not see anything wrong with it if it isn't harming the patient (i.e. actual sexual activity 48 hours postpartum), and if the patient doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

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Specializes in OB.

About 20 years ago, I worked on a PP unit that had double beds! It was very uncomfortable walking into the room in the middle of the night to asess mom with dad next to her in his boxers. I felt like I was walking into someone's bedroom. I am so glad those double beds didn't last.

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When I was at a major children's hospital it was common for parents to sleep in the hospital beds with the kids.

Why are you so offended that some moms want to cuddle and have their husbands very close? Just because the way dad curls up around mom reminds YOU of a sexual position, doesn't mean that anything sexual is happening. Your hang-ups shouldn't interfere with the bonding of a new family.

Really, why are you so bothered by how some new families choose to bond? Families are all different, and if you are the only uncomfortable one, then where is the harm?

~BlueBug

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Specializes in L&D, PP, Nursery.
When I was at a major children's hospital it was common for parents to sleep in the hospital beds with the kids.

Why are you so offended that some moms want to cuddle and have their husbands very close? Just because the way dad curls up around mom reminds YOU of a sexual position, doesn't mean that anything sexual is happening. Your hang-ups shouldn't interfere with the bonding of a new family.

Really, why are you so bothered by how some new families choose to bond? Families are all different, and if you are the only uncomfortable one, then where is the harm?

~BlueBug

First of all, I have NO hangups about it! I just feel that a hospital isn't a place for the s/o to be undressed, lying in bed with the patient. AS far as bonding goes, the baby usually isn't in the room all night anyway! I never said anything sexual was happening and believe me, I'm NOT the only one that has a problem with it. It's differant from cuddling in bed with a sick child. I don't see any comparison, whatsoever. There is a pullout cot for the dad. 9 times out of 10 they get po'd when you make rounds at 8:00 and have to wake them up to get out of bed to assess mom. No comparison to parent/sick child whatsoever!

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Specializes in L&D, PP, Nursery.

Besides, they obviously have bonding quite well or they wouldn't be on our unit in the first place!!!

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Specializes in OB, HH, ADMIN, IC, ED, QI.

I remember the double bed days! It was done to permit bonding as a family.The patients and babies were very content with it, didn't have a problem; and nurses had an inservice about the purpose, before it was started.

I was teaching the prenatal classes in the community where that hospital was with the big beds, and recall a father who'd wanted to go home to sleep, and be with their other children. He was made to feel guilty about leaving his wife and new baby! His classmates who were using other hospitals thought it was very weird, and postulated that the nurses could be voyeurs!

No harm done, but handling the bigger linens, reaching over to get at the patient for pad and fundal checks, must have presented some problems, as the double beds were lower and not appropriate (in many ways) for hospital use.... I would have wanted the father to wear scrubs to bed, and not get into it in the same scrubs, after leaving the unit in them. Sounds like a new form needed to be given and signed by whoever stayed over, about the "Rights and Responsibilities of Visitors". Hmmm not a bad idea, as long as HIPPA isn't applied to them....

If given a choice, I would have wanted a "birthing" bed over a double one, but they may not have been invented then. Was it in the early '70s? Once "birthing" beds and "single room maternity" units were in use, the double bed went out.... but it seems not before nurses' sensibilities were put to the test.

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Specializes in Medical Surgical.

Yuck. Keep the mother-S.O. cuddling out of the hospital. Mom is not there to bond with a man (maybe the father, maybe not). If they can't stand to be a few inches apart for even a day or two let them birth at home. Don't care if this is not PC.

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