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Hilarious Conversation with a Patient

First Year   (9,312 Views | 37 Replies)

1,607 Profile Views; 28 Posts

My floor tends to get a lot of older adults with either confusion from a UTI or dementia. Often they are my favorite patients because while confused, they're usually sweet and pretty funny. I've had some really confused patients tell me hilarious things, but my last shift takes the cake and I had to share.

Here's the conversation I had with my confused female patient:

Me: Hi, Mrs. _____. I'm _____ and I'm going to be your nurse tonight.

Pt: Are you a boy or a girl?

Me: (Look down at my pink scrubs) I'm a girl.

Pt: If you're a girl, why do you have such short hair?

Me: Because I like to.

Pt: You'll never get a man with that hair.

Me: Well, I'm already married.

Pt: That's what's wrong with you girls nowadays; short hair and wearing pants. Men don't respect us because of it. We'll never get the vote now.

Me: The vote?

Pt: Yes dear. Don't you read the newspapers? Don't you want to be able to vote?

Me: Ma'am, what year is it?

Pt: Don't you know?

Me: I do, but I want to make sure you know.

Pt: Well, 1932 of course.

Me: Ahhh, this conversation makes a lot more sense now.

I promptly excused myself from the patient's room and then proceeded to laugh hysterically. Apparently because of my hair and wearing pants I'll never get the vote. I've never been so entertained at work.

Anyone else have a hilarious story of things their patients have said?

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melizerd is a ASN, RN and specializes in Med/surg, Onc.

461 Posts; 8,720 Profile Views

One patient swore she knew the president...when I asked her what his name was she told me Roosevelt. But she wasn't sure if it was Teddy or Franklin lol!

I was like those were the ones you were stuck on?! (In my head of course)

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2 Articles; 51 Posts; 4,206 Profile Views

I had a sweet and pleasantly confused 90 something year old patient who I was helping off the BSC. It was the highlight of my day when this prim and proper lady told me to make sure her 'cooterpuss was nice and dry'. :woot:

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Thought is a RN and specializes in OR RN.

61 Posts; 3,982 Profile Views

Although I didn't personally have this conversation, I thought it was too funny not to share. Several years ago, I worked as a CNA at a LTC/rehab facility. I was assigned to LTC and was standing at the nurse's station talking to one of our residents, Mr. Smith (name as been changed). Mr. Smith is a funny guy, always cracking jokes with the staff.

As we were talking, along comes along a sweet, confused, 90+ year old patient walking with another patient about the same age. After asking how she was doing, she said that she was going out for lunch with her mother, and doesn't her mother look great?

Mr. Smith replied, "Yeah...for 160."

:lol2:

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7 Posts; 504 Profile Views

As a cna I was with my cna friend bathing a women with a broken back 100 years old smart as a whip ( no dementia). She was on comfort care and my favorite patient. As we go to wash her privates we told her just that we are going to was your privates now. She said oh that's what you kids call these days. We explained we sometimes say different things but like to give people a heads up before we wash down there. She said well I don't know if I should tell you this but when I was your age we used to call that our passion pit.

We finished the bath and lost it. Today both of us are nurses and never forget the passion pit

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mirandaaa has 3 years experience and specializes in PCT, RN.

588 Posts; 6,169 Profile Views

I am laughing at some of these!

When I was about 6 mo. into my first CNA/LTC job, it was bath night for my absolute favorite lady. She was totally with it, super independent, and HILARIOUS. She was one of the very few residents allowed to go outside to smoke cigarettes and would call it her "office" so she would often walk past the nurses station and say she was "going to her office".

So it was shower night and I get her into the whirlpool tub and she says, "Oh this water is so warm!"

Me, "I bet you're cold after being out in your office! It's getting colder out there now."

Her, "Yeah....(long pause)....it was always around this time of year that I ended up pregnant."

Me, (dying laughing), "WHAT?!"

Her, "Well sh**, ain't nothin' better to do when it's cold outside than lie around in a warm bed all day!"

Me, (still dying), "I cannot believe you just said that."

Her, "Don't act like you don't do it, too, young lady!"

Me, "Well I don't talk about it! And I sure as hell am not pregnant!"

We continued to just erupt into fits of giggles and I still laugh to myself about that conversation to this day.

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EaglesWings21 is a ASN, RN and specializes in Medical Surgical.

380 Posts; 12,001 Profile Views

off topic but what is a cooterpuss? Lol, I might have been crying from laughing after that one :roflmao:

Edited by EaglesWings21
my potty mouth

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Mavrick has 30 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in 15 years in ICU, 22 years in PACU.

1,576 Posts; 24,235 Profile Views

I'm giving report to the floor nurse about this 40-something post op patient with an old head injury. She's got a bunch of other medical problems so the Hospitalist is at the bedside interviewing the patient prior to transport. In the middle of my routine report, the floor nurse overhears the following bedside conversation and starts to protest the appropriateness of this transfer.

Doc: Are you having chest pain?

Patient: Yes.

Doc: Right now?

Patient: Yes.

Doc: Did it just now start?

Patient: Yes.

Doc: Have you had this before?

Patient: Yes.

Doc: (getting suspicious) Do you know who the President of the United States is?

Patient: Yes.

Doc: Are you the President of the United States?

Patient: Yes.

Doc: (written orders) May transfer patient to floor. Resume previous orders.

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28 Posts; 1,607 Profile Views

Omg these are hilarious. You guys all made my very long shift last night entertaining.

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SubSippi has 2 years experience.

907 Posts; 12,839 Profile Views

Me: Do you know where you are right now?

Patient: Yes.

Me: Alright tell me where that is.

Patient: I'm at the circus.

...I didn't know whether I needed to correct her or not.

When I worked the floor I used to always say that I felt like the ringleader of my own tiny circus.

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editingeyes has 3 years experience and specializes in Mental Health/Substance Abuse.

37 Posts; 2,400 Profile Views

I work psych so I hear interesting things every time I work. I had one patient who came out of his room with his socks falling off his feet -

me: "XX, your socks are falling off, do you need help?"

pt (completely deadpan): "You make me stiff".

My coworkers and I could not stop laughing!

When I went to give a patient an injection, he said "you'll like it, I left my butt all crusty for you". Um....thanks?

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That Guy has 6 years experience as a BSN, RN, EMT-B and specializes in Emergency/Cath Lab.

3,421 Posts; 33,312 Profile Views

"All bow before your king"

"......uh....."

"For I am the kind of Somethinglandia and I shall vanquish all that is evil" Starts ripping off tele leads.

"But king you must wear that, it is your medal your noble queen gave you for smiting the enemy"

puts the tele wires back on

"FEAST YOUR EYES PEASANTS ON MY GLORIOUS MEDAL!"

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