Help with cover letter please???

[RN33188]

Hello. I graduated from nursing school in May of this year and obtained my license. Since then, I have applied everywhere and no one has called me =[. I did end up finding a position in a detox center, but only because I know the director. It is per diem, and just something for now while I try to get into where I really want. My utmost passion is obstetrical nursing. I love caring for women and newborns. There is a local hospital that specializes in this, but they hire very infrequently...they are open to new grads though, so that shouldn't be a problem. I have applied once when a position opened up, but did not get called. Other than that, there is another local hospital in which I would love to work. They are always hiring, but every time I apply I never get a call.

My resume is really good and straight forward. However, I am completely lost as far as the cover letters go. I made really descriptive ones for both of the hospitals I am interested in... and maybe that is where I went wrong. They were very wordy and my mom thought they were just too much. Her and I went over them this weekend and really chopped them down.. but now I feel like they are just run of the mill I guess. I really wanted to accentuate how good I did in school, but in the cover letter to the hosp that specializes in OB, I really don't know where to fit it in.

I just wish there were straight forward answers as far as what to put in, what to leave out...etc. It just seems like you are taking a risk when writing a cover letter...as in, is it going to get your entire application thrown in the trash can? I am going to post my current two cover letters below and I would GREATLY appreciate it if someone had any advice or tips on how to enhance them, and to hopefully get myself a job. THANK YOU!!!

[RN33188]

Dear Mrs. (nurse recruiter),

My name is xxxxxxxxxx and I am applying for a position as a Registered Nurse at xxxxxxxxxx Hospital. I came across the posted position on the xxxxxxxxxx website. The environment at xxxxxxxx Hospital will provide me with a great opportunity to utilize and perfect my skills while contributing to the healthcare community, patients, and their families.

Working as a nurse in a maternity setting requires an accepting nature of cultural diversity. It also requires the ability to provide competent and sensitive nursing care to individuals from a vast array of situations and backgrounds. Although I do not have experience working in this specialty, I have gained and enhanced relevant skills while working at a local detox center as a Registered Nurse. Among them include critical thinking skills, assessment, multitasking, and working as part of a team to provide competent and safe care to patients. I feel that I would be an asset to the nursing staff and to the patients that I will be caring for.

Thank you for giving my resume careful consideration. My references are available upon request. I look forward to meeting with you soon to discuss possible future employment. Please contact me at your earliest convenience. I can be reached anytime during the week to schedule an interview at xxx-xxx-xxxx

Sincerely,

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The prior version of this cover letter really went into how passionate I am about this type of nursing and my educational success (I did really well in nursing school.) But I dont know if just this is enough or if it needs some oomph...somewhere.

Here is the other cover letter..It has some similarities, but it is for a medical surgical position.

Dear (nurse recruiter),

My name is xxxxxxx and I am applying for a position as a Registered Nurse at xxxxxxx Hospital. I came across the posted position on the xxxxxx website. The environment at xxxxxx Hospital will provide me with a great opportunity to utilize and perfect my skills while contributing to the healthcare community, patients, and their families.

I am very passionate about nursing and took my education very seriously as demonstrated by my academic achievements. Although I do not have experience working in a medical surgical setting, I have gained and enhanced relevant skills while working at a local detox center as a Registered Nurse. Among them include critical thinking skills, assessment, multitasking, and working as part of a team to provide competent and safe care to patients. My long term goal would be to attain a position in the Woman’s Care Center after I have a chance to gain experience in a general area of nursing. I feel that I would be an asset to the nursing staff and to the patients that I will be caring for.

Thank you for giving my resume careful consideration. My references are available upon request. I look forward to meeting with you soon to discuss possible future employment. Please contact me at your earliest convenience. I can be reached anytime during the week to schedule an interview at xxx-xxx-xxxx