Returning to the bedside..not such a good idea afterall

Nurses Stress 101

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I left bedside nursing several years back (2009 to be exact)...in the past few months I decided that maybe it was time to return...I was wrong. The issues that plague and continue to plague the nursing profession (long shifts, short on staff, more and more paperwork/EMR charting and all the other stuff) has, in my opinion, only mushroomed since the last time I worked at the bedside. Nurses are left little time to really..nurse..if that makes sense. It's not surprising so many new grads leave, seasoned nurses drop to PRN or move into other flavors of nursing and that a lot of nurses struggle with mental and physical health issues.

I have no choice but to remain where I am and make the best of it but for any nurse who has left and is thinking about returning, please think long and hard before making the leap - especially if it's been over a year. Healthcare is not, sadly, what it use to be in some ways and nursing seems to be taking the most hits from the changes.

Specializes in Pharmaceutical Research, Operating Room.
I made it exactly one year in hospital nursing. I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I had no idea. When I found another job and quit, I figured that sooner or later I'd start worrying about "losing my skills" or missing out on the higher pay.

Knowing this, I actually hunted down an old journal to write myself this note:

"I feel compelled to reopen this after eight years to tell myself this:

Whatever happens, however tempting it may seem, I am not cut out for hospital nursing. Even if it's a float position and I'm only going to work one day a week, and it's $100/hour. Even if it's a low-acuity unit. Even if my friend works there. No. Don't do it. Why?

I worked probably 65 hours in the past six days, and yet I have been awake since 3AM worrying that I didn't chart something, that I was supposed to pull that guy's Foley before he went to the nursing home, that I completely forgot to assess a critically ill patient (which turned out to be a dream, but it took me a long time to be certain about that).

I like taking care of people but I don't like grimly scurrying from one task to the next, always late, always interrupted, rarely with any time to read or talk in depth about my patients to truly understand what's going on - even on this unit with only 4:1 ratio and good CNAs. The doctors, or at least a good 50% of the doctors, are unspeakably rude and disrespectful. I don't like having so little control over my working conditions. Everything is about moving bodies out of here as quickly as possible, regardless of whether they can take care of themselves, and getting in new bodies with billable insurance. I don't ever feel like I can really take care of people; to survive in this environment, I have to plot my tasks to absolutely minimize any time spent interacting with the patient ("time management"). It's infuriating, exhausting, and sad.

For the past two days I worked 13.5+ hours with one 15-20 minute break to cram food in my face. And speaking of food, I'm also tired of forcing myself to eat when I'm not hungry (because maybe the 9:30 AM lunch is the only chance I'll get). Yesterday I hated myself because a very sweet patient was telling me how much he appreciated me, and asking about my dogs, and all I could think was that every minute he talked was one more minute between me and food. It was 15:30, I hadn't had even a sip of water since 06:30, and I had been busting my ass the whole day.

I have bouts of insomnia, which I never used to have. I wake up literally groaning with anxiety about some forgotten task. I bit all my nails off. I can't make myself exercise. I don't read. I'm crabby or zoned out, or both, at home. I've always loved cooking but dinner last night was cereal, ice cream, and a gin and tonic.

Nope. Too much. Don't do it."

That pretty much sums up my feelings on the topic.

I just wanted to say thank you for this. I have been out of nursing school for just a little over a year, working in a busy OR. I returned to school as a second degree student, and because I had previous work experience in the "real world", I did not go into nursing thinking I was going to save the planet, or that it was going to be easy in any way. However, if my OR is a reflection of how hospitals operate across the country, I have no idea how any nurse stays at the bedside at all. I have never, ever been as miserable in a job as I am in this one, for a variety of reasons. I am experiencing the problems you wrote about - the insomnia, the irritability, the anxiety - and I feel like I could have written what you did. It sums up each and every awful day that I work, except that I also am surrounded by coworkers who, instead of helping each other, back stab and throw each other under the bus just to get ahead with management. I am interviewing next week for an office position as a nurse consultant for a research company, and if I am offered the job I will take it and never look back. My own mental, emotional, and physical health are far more important to me than staying in such a position.

Specializes in Outpatient/Clinic, ClinDoc.

I left the bedside about 10 years ago and never looked back. There are many NEW skills to learn in other areas of nursing - outpatient nursing (MD office), believe it or not, is also evolving and becoming a lot more interesting as a nurse. Many clinics are doing the medical home concept with the RN actually managing chronic diseases.. I've also worked as a college nurse and currently work occupational/employee health. I greatly respect those who do bedside, but it's not for me anymore. :)

I really dislike beside and knew it wasn't for me even in school but in trying to keep myself as marketable as possible in the future, I am at the bedside. I've only been doing it for 6 months and can't wait to find something else! From reading AN, I realize that there is something terribly wrong with the inpatient hospital setting across the US and it's not getting better. A co-worker of mine says that bedside is the McDonald's of nursing and now I see what she is talking about.

I had been a nurse in an OR for 9 years and loved it! Eventually it was management and the bs with coworkers that became old. I left to become a school nurse and after 3 years .. its ok but i still miss being in the operating room. Not all the bad stuff though. I was actually thinking of maybe going to a surgicenter thinking it would alleviate the call and long shifts. My hubby thinks I am crazy to even consider leaving a school position with summers off. ugh

I just wanted to say thank you for this. I have been out of nursing school for just a little over a year, working in a busy OR. I returned to school as a second degree student, and because I had previous work experience in the "real world", I did not go into nursing thinking I was going to save the planet, or that it was going to be easy in any way. However, if my OR is a reflection of how hospitals operate across the country, I have no idea how any nurse stays at the bedside at all. I have never, ever been as miserable in a job as I am in this one, for a variety of reasons. I am experiencing the problems you wrote about - the insomnia, the irritability, the anxiety - and I feel like I could have written what you did. It sums up each and every awful day that I work, except that I also am surrounded by coworkers who, instead of helping each other, back stab and throw each other under the bus just to get ahead with management. I am interviewing next week for an office position as a nurse consultant for a research company, and if I am offered the job I will take it and never look back. My own mental, emotional, and physical health are far more important to me than staying in such a position.

You're welcome, flying_ace. I also went to nursing school after another career, and i think that's part of the reason I bailed out of bedside nursing so quickly: I'm not 22, I know that most jobs aren't like this, and I'm not willing to tolerate it. I was lucky to have (mostly) great coworkers in both my hospital jobs - it helps a little, but the environment and expectations are still brutal. Working hard is one thing; being used is quite another. Keeping trying other options until one sticks! I've been at my public health job for nearly six months now, and I love it.

Never say never. I have been in clinical informatics for the past 5 years and am returning to the bedside. Informatics hasn't necessarily been good to me, so I'm returning to the bedside to get my sea-legs back on and figure out my next step. I have become tired of the travel with informatics and feel the need for my sanity and health to stay home. Finding a job in informatics can be difficult if you don't have experience. I'm hoping that going back to the bedside, I can go back to school and go from there. Some may think I'm crazy to go back to the bedside but it's a necessity for now in my life. Love working with staff and physicians while in informatics but can't deal with the policitics and travel! Wish me luck as I go in head first!

TNnursejane

I am now in a M-F position (with Fridays being early days), no weekends, no holidays, no call, benefits, PTO, an hour for lunch (most of the time provided for us), able to use nursing skills and spend time with patients, coworkers work together, etc..I am no longer exhausted, irritable or dreading returning to work, I don't have to get up way early or go to bed way early in order to spend 13-14 hours in the conditions as described. If I need a day off I can easily get it. I am extremely relieved to be out of the hospital setting. It truly saddens me how much it has changed, how undervalued and overworked most nurses in hospitals seem to be. For me, working the 12 hour shifts in order to have a few days off during the week was just not worth what it was costing me - personally and professionally. I make more money, less stress. Never again for me for the hospital.

Please tell where you work LOL. I've been a hospital nurse for only a year and a half (first nursing job) and I'm already sad over losing the 9-5 lifestyle I had in my former career, although I was aware it would be this way. I feel isolated from my M-F friends and activities and miss out on a lot of activities because of working 2nd and 3rd shifts.

How long do I have to work acute care bedside before I can get a M-F daytime, no nights/holiday gig?

Wow. This post has me scared. I am a new grad who just accepted a position at a local hospital in med/surg days. I loved med/surg in school and hope I still like it when it becomes my job.

Specializes in Pharmaceutical Research, Operating Room.
You're welcome, flying_ace. I also went to nursing school after another career, and i think that's part of the reason I bailed out of bedside nursing so quickly: I'm not 22, I know that most jobs aren't like this, and I'm not willing to tolerate it.

THIS, a thousand times over. I am NOT willing to sacrifice my sanity and happiness for this. I was offered the job at the research company, and I'm now working my last week at the hospital as part of my notice. I am so, so excited to leave - I already feel like I'm coming out into the sunshine after a long time in the dark. Hopefully, this new job opportunity will be a positive experience, and maybe I'll discover that this is my niche! We'll see!

What type of job is this?

Specializes in Mother-Baby Pediatrics.
On 7/30/2015 at 9:00 PM, laflaca said:

I made it exactly one year in hospital nursing. I thought I knew what I was getting into, but I had no idea. When I found another job and quit, I figured that sooner or later I'd start worrying about "losing my skills" or missing out on the higher pay.

Knowing this, I actually hunted down an old journal to write myself this note:

"I feel compelled to reopen this after eight years to tell myself this:

Whatever happens, however tempting it may seem, I am not cut out for hospital nursing. Even if it's a float position and I'm only going to work one day a week, and it's $100/hour. Even if it's a low-acuity unit. Even if my friend works there. No. Don't do it. Why?

I worked probably 65 hours in the past six days, and yet I have been awake since 3AM worrying that I didn't chart something, that I was supposed to pull that guy's Foley before he went to the nursing home, that I completely forgot to assess a critically ill patient (which turned out to be a dream, but it took me a long time to be certain about that).

I like taking care of people but I don't like grimly scurrying from one task to the next, always late, always interrupted, rarely with any time to read or talk in depth about my patients to truly understand what's going on - even on this unit with only 4:1 ratio and good CNAs. The doctors, or at least a good 50% of the doctors, are unspeakably rude and disrespectful. I don't like having so little control over my working conditions. Everything is about moving bodies out of here as quickly as possible, regardless of whether they can take care of themselves, and getting in new bodies with billable insurance. I don't ever feel like I can really take care of people; to survive in this environment, I have to plot my tasks to absolutely minimize any time spent interacting with the patient ("time management"). It's infuriating, exhausting, and sad.

For the past two days I worked 13.5+ hours with one 15-20 minute break to cram food in my face. And speaking of food, I'm also tired of forcing myself to eat when I'm not hungry (because maybe the 9:30 AM lunch is the only chance I'll get). Yesterday I hated myself because a very sweet patient was telling me how much he appreciated me, and asking about my dogs, and all I could think was that every minute he talked was one more minute between me and food. It was 15:30, I hadn't had even a sip of water since 06:30, and I had been busting my *** the whole day.

I have bouts of insomnia, which I never used to have. I wake up literally groaning with anxiety about some forgotten task. I bit all my nails off. I can't make myself exercise. I don't read. I'm crabby or zoned out, or both, at home. I've always loved cooking but dinner last night was cereal, ice cream, and a gin and tonic.

Nope. Too much. Don't do it."

That pretty much sums up my feelings on the topic.

Wow - I am 2 years in as a med-surg nurse (graduated in 2017) and am interviewing for a clinic position tomorrow (OBGYN) for all the reasons you write about above, yet I am anxious because I think I am going to get it. I am afraid to leave bedside nursing and then not be able to come back and I am worried about making less money - But.....I am a lunatic because of bedside nursing, gaining weight and started smoking again after many years of not smoking. I am worried about money. How stupid is that. This was helpful, thanks.

9 hours ago, rabiamirou said:

Wow - I am 2 years in as a med-surg nurse (graduated in 2017) and am interviewing for a clinic position tomorrow (OBGYN) for all the reasons you write about above, yet I am anxious because I think I am going to get it. I am afraid to leave bedside nursing and then not be able to come back and I am worried about making less money - But.....I am a lunatic because of bedside nursing, gaining weight and started smoking again after many years of not smoking. I am worried about money. How stupid is that. This was helpful, thanks.

It's almost four years since I wrote that post... still not sorry I left the hospital (though I did doubt myself and "relapse" to the ED for a few months, only to realize I had been right to leave).

I went to public health, then school nursing. The money's less, but it works for me. Good luck! The first few months are weird and "boring," but then you get used to life without constantly anticipating disaster ?

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