Have I finally adjusted emotionally to being stigmatized?

[catmom1]

Hi fellow nurses in recovery!

I used to come to this forum quite a bit when I was going through my six years of license probation that has left me with a permanent black mark. My state never lets us evil addicts off the hook so my career was destroyed although I've been clean for close to 15 years.

For several years, I have managed to get enough contract/per diem work to survive in spite of having crippling knee arthritis and no health insurance.

Anyway, I had recently applied for another contract, on call type job to add to my "collection" and just this morning got the door slammed in my face because of my "black mark."

The weird thing is that I am not as emotionally upset about this as I normally would be. When I got the email, I mentally shrugged and even responded to it, saying that I know the HR person couldn't care less but wanted them to know that my "crime" happened once 20 years ago. I mentioned that it was because of the medical condition of addiction.

Maybe, just maybe, after all these years, I am retaining some sense of self worth in spite of what my state has done to me professionally.

I personally think that it's a miracle I am alive after all I have endured. This hatred of addicts is a HUGE component of why an average if 130 people die of an opiate overdose every day!

Thanks for reading. You guys get it, even if non-addicts have no clue.

Catmom :paw:

[Jhope41831, BSN, RN]

On 7/10/2019 at 1:53 PM, rn1965 said:

Yes, I get it. I will have a permanent black mark, as well. And I know the HR people are likely just following some protocol sent down from the "powers that be".

Probably working off a check list and when they get to that part, the box says, "nope, pick someone else!".

But, I am glad you responded!

Are you in an assistance program in your state? Should t it protect your license so there aren’t any black marks or disciplinary action if you complete program successfully? In PA ours sounds kind of like ARD for nursing licenses but I’m not sure if the program helps nurses.

[OhioFNP]

I wish I were in a recovery program. Looking bad I wish I had applied. I got a lawyer, took my 2 year suspension, and looking forward to reinstatement in March 2020. It’s hard to get excited because I know it will be hard to find a job. Even when I ask nurses on here they don’t want to say where they are or types of jobs they now have. It’s hard to not feel alone. I can’t even find any nursing groups for recovery or for medical professionals.

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

Well the ‘black mark’ is still there. I finished that nightmare of a so-called ‘program’ back last year. About 6 months prior to the end, I landed the job I currently have (and will be keeping thank you very much) This organization sees my state’s program for what it really is....a gigantic extortion scheme that does little for most and puts a lot of $$$ in the pockets of the few. They gave me an opportunity and I have run with it. I’m in a much healthier place now.

Sadly, I think many of them (meaning the people that run these programs) have ‘drunk the kool aid’ if you will when it comes to 12 step stuff being the end-all-be-all fix for all woes, addiction or not.
As for participating in the program keeping disciplinary action private, not always. The programs use the threat of ‘closing your file and sending it to the board” to force people to bend to their commands. The same rules do not seem to apply to all and I got the impression that they mostly flew by the seat of their pants, making up new ‘policy’ as they went along. Also, in spite of there being a line in legislation about how self reporting can keep this confidential, that decision is made by an attorney in the DOH who doesn’t give two hoots about the damage it does or why. You are nothing but a case number in a file folder.

[catmom1, BSN, RN]

9 hours ago, OhioFNP said:

Hi Catmom,

... Where are you located at in Ohio? I’m north of Dayton.
Sheena

Hi OhioFNP,

I live in Nebraska where any transgressions related to addiction leave the nurse with a permanent black mark.

My career was destroyed by this consequence. I wish you the best in your journey.

[rn1965, ADN]

On 1/11/2020 at 2:53 PM, Jhope41831 said:

Are you in an assistance program in your state? Should t it protect your license so there aren’t any black marks or disciplinary action if you complete program successfully? In PA ours sounds kind of like ARD for nursing licenses but I’m not sure if the program helps nurses.

I originally was, but could not admit to myself or others that I was an alcoholic, so my license was revoked for non-compliance.

Since then, I have applied in a different state and I am enrolling in their monitoring program. It will be forever public because of my revoked license in another state.

I am okay with that, I deserved it for not following through when I had the chance. I am grateful I will once again be allowed to practice as a nurse and I will take what I can get, in terms of work.

[blackpear1981-MSN]

On 1/11/2020 at 1:10 PM, OhioFNP said:

Hi Catmom,

I’m a nurse practitioner due to be reinstated in March and my 3 years of probation starts when I find employment. I’m definitely going to try to seek employment in addiction due to less stigma. Where are you located at in Ohio? I’m north of Dayton.
Sheena

Did you ever find employment as a NP?