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Goodness, nasty-mouthed pt! LOL!

Posted

Specializes in Hospitalist.

Okay, this was disgusting but funny at the same time.

Med-Surg floor. 87 y/o man with renal insufficiency and encephalopathy. Sometimes hullucinates all kinds of things. The night before I had him, his nurse at the time asked if she could get him anything. He said, "Yeah, some *****. I'm horny, and I can smell it everywhere!" :eek:

Next night, I have him. He asks for ice cream. I tell him the available flavors. He says,"Bring me some *****- flavored." Good Lordy.

Then the next night I have him he says he wishes I was a Nasty Nurse like some he's known... Any time he'd start on that subject I'd just divert him with something like, "Watch out or you'll hit that pedestrian!" He was a truck driver and frequently hallucinated about work. This would then make him curse and "swerve" to avoid the pedestrian. LOL! :D

Edited by UM Review RN
TOS

diane227, LPN, RN

Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg. Has 32 years experience.

That is so funny. What a character he must be.

flightnurse2b, LPN

Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

lol! he sounds funny.

i had a very elderly patient a while back (he was in his late 80's) in for a bowel obs. he was sweet as could be but he had a habit of repeatedly hitting the call light just so someone would walk in the room and he would say "hello honey, just wanted to look at ya"

so one night he rang the light and i walked in and said "what do you need, sir?" and he looked at me and goes "a nice peice of @ss!" and i said "excuse me?" and he said "you heard me, honey. i need a nice peice of @ss!"

i don't know if i have ever laughed so hard at work.

WalkieTalkie, RN

Specializes in CVICU.

LOL, just because they are old doesn't mean they change! :clown:

cloister

Specializes in Critical care, neuroscience, telemetry,. Has 25 years experience.

Had one like that. 90 years old, came in malnourished and dehydrated from a SNF. Once we got him fed and watered, he sure was a randy old goat!

I went into his room to explain something or get something for him, and and he informed me that he'd sure like to "handle those titties". I managed to keep a straight face, reminded him that I'm happily married and asked that he refrain from doing so. He complied nicely, and my colleagues laughed their butts off when I relayed the story.

On another night, I had a cute little old man I was bathing. I casually told him that I needed to clean around his catheter to prevent infection and then proceeded to do just that. He looked me dead in the eye and asked, "What does your husband do?"

"Oh, he's a financial analyst", I replied.

A moment of silence. "Does he know that you play with mens' private parts all night?"

"Yes, he does, and he's fine with it", I replied.

Couldn't wait to get out of the room and tell that one.......

Ima Nurse

Specializes in Home Health currently, med/surg prev. Has 5 years experience.

:yeah: That is a great story! ROFL!

The *beep* flavored ice cream. . . :lol2:

truern

Specializes in Telemetry & Obs.

I had one of those :D

He tee'd off the entire floor and radiology and lab etc etc etc...everybody complained about him. Once I went to his room to see what he needed and he said I should close the door and come give him "some". I told him he was on a cardiac floor for a reason and that his heart just wouldn't make it!! He was such a riot...so randy!!

He held my hand the entire time they were putting in a PICC line...he was so scared, but didn't let anybody else see it. I got him ready for surgery the next morning and he didn't make it.

It was just his way of dealing.

It broke my heart :(

RN1982

Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.

We had a patient who named her AKA "stubby". Thought that was a good one. Then her monitor would always alarm that she was apneic, she wasn't but I'd go in to check on her anyways and she'd open her eyes and say "Relax, I'm breathing."

Hadn't had any nasty-mouthed old men for patients lately though after reading this, I'd be happy to take care of one. Keeps things interesting.

flightnurse2b, LPN

Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

we had this patient once who was well known to all of us in the ER for hitting on the female staff. he was elderly and had dementia but he was really, really funny.

there was this really cute young new nurse that got a hold of him one night when he came in from the nursing home and none of us had warned her about his mouth.

he said to her "come here, miss lady. i wanna make some love. my pony don't work too well but i can still use my toes!" the look on her face was hilarious.

this is the same guy who when we would put mitten restraints on him for pulling things out of his body, he would put them up to his mouth and pretend to be sucking in air, and would say "this takin me back to the groves. i need to get some ***** to go with this weed!"

and when you would help him to go the bathroom in his urinal, he'd say "now, miss lady, be careful with wild willie. the ladies at the dollhouse all know wild willie!"

he was a hoot. he eventually died and he was sorely missed by the staff in the ER.

Edited by UM Review RN
TOS

this is the same guy who when we would put mitten restraints on him for pulling things out of his body, he would put them up to his mouth and pretend to be sucking in air, and would say "this takin me back to the groves. i need to get some ***** to go with this weed!"

oh gawd, his initials weren't jj, were they?

them 'grove' days must have been something else.

i've had quite a few pts who talk of coconut grove...

and all the hanky panky they got into.

i loved all those guys and all their stories.:redbeathe

may they all be raising hell in heaven, bless their souls.:yeah:

leslie

Edited by UM Review RN
quotes edited text

Magsulfate, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU. Has 13 years experience.

I had an old man patient once that would wave at me and tell me "Hey beautiful!" and smile every time he seen me... HOWEVER, when the doctor or nurses would handle his wounds, I'm guessing it really bothered him. He would cuss like a sailor.. His favorite words were ...

"I'm gonna kick your a$$!".. over and over again....

and one day I was bathing him and he was really nice and sweet until I started cleaning out the pooh from his fingernails.

He says "KISS MY A$$!!"

I said.. "Now, Mr. C, what if I said that to you? How would that make you feel?" (I guess I set myself up here lol)

He says,, "I"D DO IT!! I'd Kiss it!"

I had an old man patient once that would wave at me and tell me "Hey beautiful!" and smile every time he seen me... HOWEVER, when the doctor or nurses would handle his wounds, I'm guessing it really bothered him. He would cuss like a sailor.. His favorite words were ...

"I'm gonna kick your a$$!".. over and over again....

and one day I was bathing him and he was really nice and sweet until I started cleaning out the pooh from his fingernails.

He says "KISS MY A$$!!"

I said.. "Now, Mr. C, what if I said that to you? How would that make you feel?" (I guess I set myself up here lol)

He says,, "I"D DO IT!! I'd Kiss it!"

now that's an easy patient.:yeah:

leslie:devil:

t.l., ASN, RN

Has 28 years experience.

Had an old dude who actually pulled the CNA into the bed with him to cop a feel, and then pulled out his foley swinging it over his head like a lasso screaming, "my d**k is bleeding, somebody put pressure on it" . When I told him I was calling his wife to tell her we had to insert another foley, he sobered up quick ! he was scared to death of her !

DeepFriedRN

Has 8 years experience.

Had an old guy say these two things to me in the space of about ten minutes... "you look exactly like my daughter, she was a tall girl too", followed by "honey, you have a nice rack.." :rolleyes: All I could think was, I hope the second wasn't him recalling his daughter. Yuck.:lol2:

madwife2002, BSN, RN

Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN. Has 26 years experience.

What a funny thread

There was an old man yrs ,when I was a fresh faced student nurse working on a Nightingale Ward (open ward with 26 beds) who would sit out of bed on a chair exposing his penis, we would walk over and say now Mr X you cant expose yourself there are women visiting their family. He would say 'oh dear I dont know how that happened" we would cover him up and walk away, and he would expose it again, all day he would be flashing

Midwest4me

Specializes in A myriad of specialties.

What funny stories! Thanks for sharing!

Tait, MSN, RN

Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice. Has 14 years experience.

We had one little guy who had his head all in bandages. I never asked what he was in for, but one time when his bead alarm went off I went in to help him. He took one look at me, his eyes got all big and he seemed to think I was a rather large slice of chocolate cake. He stretched his arm towards me and said "oh come and give me a hug!"

I politely told him no hugs, but I would help him get back to bed. He quickly spun about, jumped in the bed, looked from me to the other nurse, smiled and said

"oh it's party time!"

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