two residents kissing

[Ms.RN]

i saw two residents, one who is very confused due to dementia and another resident who we can pretty much reason with kissing each other in the hallway. they are not married, but this poor lady thinks she is married to this man. is this kind of things allowed or is it suppose to be like sexual harrassment? we have residents who they hold hands and very passionate about each other and we let it go becasue these residents do need to feel loved. what do you think?

[kermitlady]

Holding hands, I wouldn't think is a big deal. However, anything more than that, but resident's have to be competent to make their own decisions. So, yes, you need to report this to the higher-ups and see what your facility's policy is on the issue. HTH

[arelle68]

You should tell the confused rsdt that he is someone else's husband. If his wife comes in and sees that, she is going to remove him from your care. If you can reason with the man, you need to. Talk to him about his wife, and how she loves him. Redirect your confused rsdt into some other activity.

[rdnkmom01]

In my experience if one is confused and the other isn't, then I have explained to the one who isn't confused that it could be considered inappropriate behavior. Also, I have had talks with the families to get their take. This is just based on my own experience. Talk with your administrator or DON to see what should be done. Good luck.

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

If one has dementia, she can't consent. I'd tell the families and report it to the DPH because many of the surveyors say it is a reportable. We had one patient give another patient...er..um....hmmmm how to be delicate....oral sex. We called both families and the woman's family (you better sit down for this) said "Oh, mom always loved to do that!" I about fell off my chair and all I could think was I hope MY kids would never say that about me.

It's too bad we get so bent out of shape about residents showing affection for each other.

[caliotter3]

I met a resident in a facility who had a mouth like a sailor, as a matter of fact she had been in the service during WWII. I truly think she would have been doing plenty had she been able to get out of her bed. We used to do her peri care in pairs to have a witness, because of the off color remarks she used to make. Quite unnerving, if you didn't keep reminding yourself that she was suffering from dementia.

[achot chavi]

Happened to us on our dementia unit, womans husband caught them in the act and was quite upset, we couldn't get him to understand that she has alzheimers and really doesnt remember.

we just began to direct the two lovebirds to opposite ends of the rooms and kept them busy with other (same gender) friends. short while later all was forgotten, the husband tried making his wife jealous by pretending to be interested in other woman but she didnt care (obviously) so the whole thing blew over

We reported it immediately to our SW, and discussed it in our multidisciplinary weekly meetings.

Try not to overreact.

[texastaz]

This story reminds me of a female resident I had that insisted to sit by a male resident I had. The woman thought the man was her husband, the man resident knew for a fact she was off her rocker with it however found itcomforting to have her sit by his side - mind you at a table both in w/c and they also never touched eachother. The man was a doctor and the woman no doubt also had a honorable man in her life that was something like him. The doctor knew that and was, too a widow. There was indeed nothing between the two except they where just there in this facility , in this place where they never thought thiey would be. They were just there being them and sure thinking they loved their spouses. If they would have kissed I would not thought of it as a bad thing or a sexual thing.

I am sure the Male Doctor would have been shocked if she would have kissed him.

The delicate interpritation of invited, not invited, ok and actual force between residence is of coorifice up to us to observe and to protect residence. I have been in facilities where there have been actual rapes. While it has occurred I do not think honest passion should be judged in a negetive view.

I just don't know even if I don't want to be kissed and old - it might be a great thing when I am that old. If you are watching out for me just make sure he brushed his teeth, flosses, uses mouth wash, brushed hi tongue, takes care of his lips and he doesn't stink. Thank you

I think a kiss can indeed be blown out of proportion. I blow out of proportion with just a look with how guys look at my daughter.

[HippyGreenPeaceChick]

I think we would need to keep things in perspective. Im young but I certainly hope I can still be active when I am in my 70s or 80s. As long as I am not harmed or someone else is not harmed. But I will say. I also certainly hope I can remember it. I do like the idea that someone said that they hope the other person has had good oral care. Gives you a whole new appreciation of doing your morning Oral care with the bath.

[texastaz]

I do like the idea that someone said that they hope the other person has had good oral care. Gives you a whole new appreciation of doing your morning Oral care with the bath.

Thank-you for supporting me on this. Things can indeed be bad enough like wearing depends - which most do. On a good day it is clean and dry and you smell good. I don't want a plaque ******** kissing me when I am old not matter how he looks - so Nurses and CNAs while I am getting old if you don't want to kiss me - clean thoose guys up. Ha Ha

[achot chavi]

Thank-you for supporting me on this. Things can indeed be bad enough like wearing depends - which most do. On a good day it is clean and dry and you smell good. I don't want a plaque M***F*** kissing me when I am old not matter how he looks - so Nurses and CNAs while I am getting old if you don't want to kiss me - clean thoose guys up. Ha Ha

Good Point,

but you are missing the problem in your situation- that one of the parties has dementia and shouldn't be taken advantage of because of this,

If both were coherent and well oriented- and consented, then - hey, get a room!

However, you should not allow residents with dementia to be kissed by other residents.

It could be a form of sexual abuse.

We dealt with it by gently separating the two parties and keeping them busy in opposite ends of the room. It was dealt with by the SW and multi discipline team in a respectful manner so no one was hurt.

[texastaz]

Sexualy abuse is vey important just as abuse by a person abusing the space of a persons confort zone. I am extremely against any abuse of any type. I know some things are under rated and others over rated. We have a responsibilty to have common sense.