So I just need to vent

[jennaroo]

I had the worst clinical experience of my life yesterday, and my only hope is that when I graduate and begin my career as an RN that I can one day look back on this experience and laugh it off or at least brush it off?? I was completely humiliated during my OB rotation yesterday for being an 'overachiever'....

My clinical instructor used to work on this unit and will return to work there again at the end of this semester, so needless to say this unit is her baby. My humiliation began when my clinical instructor picked up my care plan I was working on at the nurses station as there was only one laboring patient and that was what I was supposed to be doing for the time being....anyway she picked it up and asked is this one nursing dx? I said yes....so she turned around showing my paper to the other staff nurses and said 'this is freaking ridiculous'...she continued to tell me that it was unacceptable and not how we write nursing dx's and we'd have to have a little conversation. Being that I'm a second yr student, I was super embarrassed.

She apparently went to a dif part of the unit announcing why she needed an empty room before she came back and said we needed to have that talk. So upon entering the room, I felt she berated and belittled me for just over 20 min when a simple this is excessive would have sufficed.

What I had done was a risk for post-partum hemorrhage based on the following risk factors and I bulleted the risk factors that applied. Now I realized that care plans need to be patient centered and typically you'd only want to add what applied, but this mom was laboring beautifully and there was really no problem other than the normal risks that could apply, so I added them all to be thorough.

I can't even begin to tell you how badly my instructor talked to me, I felt less than an inch while trying to fight tears so hard that I could hardly catch my breath. I'm an A student and not accustomed to this, so it was quite a shock. To add insult to injury, one of the biggest reasons I was crying is that even though this particular instructor has a reputation for being tough, I thought she was a great teacher and I really respected and looked up to her.

I guess I could have understood the way she handled the situation if I had done something unethical, illegal, unprofessional, or unsafe……but I didn't….I simply made my nursing dx too long. The punishment hardly fit the crime. To make matters worse, my instructor had zero sensitivity and/or sympathy or empathy for me or my tears, instead she said tell me you are not crying about this....are you crying about this, why are you crying right now? Then I felt like I had failed some sort of test of strength and character for crying.

While I understand that becoming a nurse is a huge responsibility as people will depend on me and many lives will be in my hands and it is the instructors job to ensure my readiness for this responsibility, I felt like my instructor's actions were uncalled for. I say this because once I entered the room she explained that she had not wanted to embarrass me at the nurse's station, which was too late at that point......and it was also a lie as once I was dismissed I asked if I could be excused to the restroom to gather my composure and while I was in there she apparently told the nurses 'if my student is crying it's because she got in trouble'……this coming from my nurse.

As if that weren't bad enough, I walk into the break room 20 minutes later to inform her I was leaving the floor for lunch and she was in there talking about me and my care plan and how ridiculous it was and would have been painful to read, while laughing about it with nursing staff. Before end of my shift, it felt like the whole unit knew and while I tried to be professional and put it behind me I continued to cry throughout the day due to multiple staff members and fellow students asking me if I was ok or telling me they were sorry.

I am not so naïve that I do not realize that as a nurse I will occasionally put up with poor or unprofessional behavior by fellow staff or providers, however, when lines are crossed there are procedures to follow. As a student, I am not sure if it would be beneficial or more detrimental to report my instructor.

I am still so hurt by the whole thing as I pride myself on striving for excellence and I felt I was ridiculed for it, and the worst part is this was at a small hospital on the very unit I wanted to apply to more than anything, which my instructor knew. I have a post clinical mtg with my instructor Monday and to be honest I'm super nervous as I'm not sure I can handle more negativity. I'm also scared I will fail professionally in my clinical for crying.

This experience has made me question if my skin is even tough enough for nursing, I'd like to think so as this was an isolated incident, but I feel maybe it hurt me more than I should have let it? I guess what I'm looking for is different perspectives……and advice on how to move on. The whole thing was just so humiliating that I'd have almost rather eaten broken glass than to return to that unit after lunch yesterday knowing that I was the laughing stock…..let alone apply to my dream job.

[cracklingkraken, ASN, RN]

Yikes. That sounds awful.

I'm sorry that you had to endure that. I agree that the berating and such was uncalled for. I think that the situation was handled very poorly, and I hope that it gets better.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Put it in your rearview mirror. Tomorrow it will be forgotten by all but you. Just never do it to anybody else and know that sometimes life is just not fair.

You will get past it and become a very good nurse. Hang in there.

[cyc0sys]

From the way it sounds, she did it to take you down a peg. Pride only leads to mistakes which get patients injured or killed. I'd go back and double check your care plan to see if it was really in the best interest of the patient or just some pie in the sky fanciful thinking. There is no crying in nursing school unless you want to be the butt of every joke in your cohort. Put it under your belt and drive on. Wait until a doctor does the same thing and that tongue lashing will seem like a walk in the park.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Whatever. I cried sometimes out of frustration and hurt and 23 years later I am a good nurse. It is good to get to the point of not letting the cretins see you cry, but it takes time and experience.

[kittilvr]

I have cried at clinical too for a similar reason. Med surg clinical and turned in my last care plan and was pretty pleased with it as I had looked up good diagnosis on my patient and put in a lot of work, I also helped two fellow students on theirs too as they were struggling. Last clinical comes and she gives us back our graded care plan and I got a 79% while my two classmates got 90's. A 79 Isn't failing but still made me feel like garbage and this teacher played favorites and was childish about me complaining to a higher person because I felt she was being too hard on me but not on the other students (this happened before she graded my paper) I attribute my poor grade to her behavior but also legitimate reasons for my lower grade as I need to take responsibility for my work. My advice, avoid confrontation as much as you can and try to take it easy! These things happen and it won't matter in your career, you will treat others better for this experience! Good luck anyways!

[KThurmond]

Your story just pissed me off. It brought up my experience. In my clinical, it was me and three other people on a orthopedic floor. It was boring. I would take care of my patients and then sit in the break room doing drug cards. At our evaluation, our instructor call me in last and verbally ripped me apart. She said crap like I'm the most behind and sometimes she don't know whats wrong with me, etc. When I got diagnosed with bipolar I txted her and said do you remember saying you don't remember what was wrong with me. She said I remember saying sometimes you acted like you didn't want to be there. I told her I have bipolar 1, OCD, & borderline personality disorder. She started apologizing. I was so mad. I was thinking "you should've asked before making assumptions"

[jennaroo]

Thanks for all your support, I feel a bit better after reflecting throughout the day......tomorrow is a new day and what happened in clinical does not define me. I will continue to strive for the best and to do what is in my patients.

[SleeepyRN]

From the way it sounds, she did it to take you down a peg. Pride only leads to mistakes which get patients injured or killed. I'd go back and double check your care plan to see if it was really in the best interest of the patient or just some pie in the sky fanciful thinking. There is no crying in nursing school unless you want to be the butt of every joke in your cohort. Put it under your belt and drive on. Wait until a doctor does the same thing and that tongue lashing will seem like a walk in the park.

There is no crying in nursing school......One should try to avoid crying in front of instructors or students, but it happens. It sounds like you need to be taken a peg....or two.

That instructor outright bullied her with lateral violence (whom I want soooo badly to get my hands on and shake sense into her head, I'm that angry for OP)

Tears don't make a person weak. It makes you human.

[SleeepyRN]

Your story just pissed me off. It brought up my experience. In my clinical, it was me and three other people on a orthopedic floor. It was boring. I would take care of my patients and then sit in the break room doing drug cards. At our evaluation, our instructor call me in last and verbally ripped me apart. She said crap like I'm the most behind and sometimes she don't know whats wrong with me, etc. When I got diagnosed with bipolar I txted her and said do you remember saying you don't remember what was wrong with me. She said I remember saying sometimes you acted like you didn't want to be there. I told her I have bipolar 1, OCD, & borderline personality disorder. She started apologizing. I was so mad. I was thinking "you should've asked before making assumptions"

Bad call telling her that. I hope it at least was after you graduated.

[KThurmond]

Bad call telling her that. I hope it at least was after you graduated.

Lol. I passed med surg but failed the final. It wasn't until after I failed I ended up being diagnosed. I told her that because I didn't want her to have that kind of impression of me. I'm a hard worker and always took clinical seriously. I didn't agree with many things she said. When I was diagnosed I'd remembered her comments and wanted her to know the truth. It probably didn't matter but it made me feel better to clear the air. I didn't make it as crappy sounding as my post. I'd just felt bad for OP and brought up some of my feelings.

[KThurmond]

Now that I'm stable I'm going to do prerequisites for a BSN program. I start in January. I moved so I'll be at another school. I look forward to a fresh start.