I thought i would share an experience with you. I had a 23 year old patient, bone marrow transplant patient, very sick, terrible mouth sores, he was panicked and so was his mother. His Vital signs were fine, the doctors examined him at 2030, they said he was fine, I called them several times that night telling them that the patient and his mother were just losing it, panicky, as they had been all day, the social worker came in and talked to them, I called respiratory therapy to see him at 2300, they said he was breathing well, even though his throat felt tight, no stridor, I was in the room with him all evening. then at 2310, ten minutes after the Resp. therapist left, the patient coded.We were there immediately when he went, there was a doc five feet from the door, we stared wrking on him rght away. But he Died. he had no heart rhythm at all, we never got a flicker of life the whole code. The mother denied postmortem, so we will never know what happened. probably pulmonary Embolism, or aneurysm, something we couldn't have seen. I wasnt a new nurse, I know I did everything possible, but it forced on me the reality that no matter what we do, some people die, and we have to live with that. We have to choose to accept it and go on. And no one expects us to hold up all the time under that much strain. It never gets easier, but in time, we all learn different ways to handle it. You will too. hang in there.