My husband won't let me do bed baths

  1. I told my husband that we are doing bed baths in lab on Friday. He looked at me strange and asked me why on earth I would want to do that. I told him that it is just something you do as a nurse. He looked at me weird and I told him we would be in shorts and a tank top. He said "Your not letting some guy practice on you!" I told him that it was a medical professional think and that it was not like the male student would be turned on or something. He said that the guy could and that no guy was giving me a sponge bath. I asked, "what if I was in an accident and in the hospital and they had to give me a bath?" and he said "I would give you a bath" Has any one hand any problems with this? I better not tell him that eventually we will be learning to do cathaters...on males...
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    About HeartsOpenWide

    Joined: Jul '05; Posts: 3,067; Likes: 2,036
    "Birth Center" Staff Nurse; from US
    Specialty: Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne

    198 Comments

  3. by   Tweety
    I applaud you for being open-minded to male students. Things must have changed, because when I was in school the women bathed the women students and the guys bathed the guys.

    I think you are going to have to eventually have a "come to Jesus" talk that you will be providing intimate care to men, and that you will be seeing them naked and he will have to deal with it.
    He can't possibly be that naive.


    Good luck.
  4. by   maryloufu
    Wow-ou are either going to have to keep your husband totally in the dark about your job or he is going to have to learn that nurses see a lot of naked people. Or maybe he just doesnt want anyone seeing you- but I have seen a lot of butts in my meager 2 months of practice- Most of the naked parts I see belong in Ripley's believe it or not rather than Playgirl.
  5. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    LET you?

    Might want to work on settling this now, though, or it'll just keep going on and get worse. He needs to get over the fact (and his insecurities with himself) that there's nothing sexual about any of the procedures.

    (I wouldn't have problems with this, mainly because i wouldn't tolerate my huband acting like they're my father telling me what i can and cannot do, especially when it pertains to unavoidable aspects of my career, but that's just me.)
  6. by   RNsRWe
    Like Tweety said, either your husband is going to have to understand what this is about, or you're headed for a major problem. As for him not "letting" you do this, well, that's another issue entirely.

    My first semester I kinda looked out the corner of my eye at the first very aged male patient I first cared for; sorta like looking at a train wreck: you don't WANT to look, but can't look away!

    I'm at the point now where I have actually not recognized former patients when they're clothed. It is what it is. Birthday suit, business suit....whatever
  7. by   TheCommuter
    I'm carefully observing the wording and phraseology of your post. You state that your husband won't "let you do bed baths".

    Even though you're his wife, you definitely are NOT his property. He cannot tell you what to do or order you to not do tasks that are essential to your job. I'd hate to sound harsh or overly blunt, but it seems that your husband has an insecurity issue regarding the fact that you're working with other men.
  8. by   txspadequeenRN
    Just do what I do with my husband when he feels like his territory has been violated...."your the king baby, the only one for me"...blah blah blah... No really when I did this in nursing school nobody wanted to but if you didnt guess what you failed that part of the lab. It's just a body , whats the big deal. Do you know you will have a male partner? Just tell him that you have a female partner and then dont give him anymore details. Or tell him its a optional lab, if that dont work tell him to grow up and get over it.
  9. by   babynurselsa
    I understand your dilema. My EX husband did not like me becoming a nurse because of possibly seeing naked men, either that and he was sure that I was going to hook up with some doctor (yeah right).
    That was not a new behavior for him.
    Is he open to hearing you when you tell him it is a required check off and that you aren't gonna be naked? I wouldn't even go into possibly seeing naked male patients later if he has big insecurity issues.
  10. by   Corvette Guy
    Okay, here is maybe the problem... from a guy's perspective. He is being inappropriately jealous & insecure. He is probably thinking about your male classmates rather than whenever you will be taking care of male patients in the future.

    Now, from another nurses perspective... tell him not to be insecure about a classroom assignment, period! No need to lie, bend the truth, or whatever. The sooner he gets the facts straight in his brain housing group, then the sooner his inappropriate insecurity & jealousy will pass, too. *Hopefully*

    JMHO
  11. by   jmgrn65
    Guess what you aren't his property! There is no way my husband would tell me he won't let me, he knows that is the sure way for me to do it. I will not tolerate him telling me what I can and can't do. Now if it is a decision to be made that includes both of us that is different.
    Now that being said, we usually pair up the same sexes if possible because in the lab it would be uncomfortable performing this task on a fellow classmate let alone a male classmate. But husband needs to get over it.
  12. by   augigi
    I would resent a couple of things about this if I were you!

    a) If you are over 21, and this man is your husband and not your parent, then he doesn't get to "let" you do anything!

    b) Providing any type of nursing care is not related to sexuality. They are completely separate issues. If you were letting some guy at a bar give you a sponge bath, he could be worried. In a professional educational program, as a required learning exercise though? Puh-lease!

    Perhaps he just needs some education about what nurses actually DO if he has this image of a smiling nurse giving a hot young man a bath...!
  13. by   Lisa CCU RN
    He won't "let you" or else what?

    How can he stop you? I certainly hope you don't let him keep you from doing jobs essential to your career.

    Something tells me that this is not the first time he has expressed disapproval over something.
    What else is he not "letting" you do?
  14. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from augigi
    I would resent a couple of things about this if I were you!

    a) If you are over 21, and this man is your husband and not your parent, then he doesn't get to "let" you do anything!

    b) Providing any type of nursing care is not related to sexuality. They are completely separate issues. If you were letting some guy at a bar give you a sponge bath, he could be worried. In a professional educational program, as a required learning exercise though? Puh-lease!

    Perhaps he just needs some education about what nurses actually DO if he has this image of a smiling nurse giving a hot young man a bath...!
    Yeah, giving a bed bath is hardly sexy, esp. when there is pee or poop involved. :uhoh21:

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