How has having/not having children affect your career? - page 5

I would like to ask what impact has having children/being childless been on your career?... Read More

  1. by   peytonsmom
    I got married at 18 and had my son at 22. I had my associates degree in business and *thought* I had my life plan in set at that point and was beyond thrilled to welcome my little man into our lives.

    Now, in hindsight, I know that I was just so excited about starting a family that I convinced myself that I no longer wanted to go to nursing school so I wouldn't have a reason to not have a baby.

    My "baby" turns 4 today (and don't let him know I called him a baby! ) and is the total light of my life...but BOY does he put a cramp into my school/study time! Not only my study time but my school time as well. I schedule my classes as much as I can around his schedule and to try and make sure I get as much time w/ him as possible (I work FT as well). I also don't have the luxary of working a PT job while going to school because kids are expensive!

    If I could do it all over again, I'd go to school first and establish my career and then have Peyton.

    In the Pro's side of it though, like other posters have said I think being a mom helps me w/ the multi-tasking skills and makes me more motivated to do well in my classes because this isn't just MY future, but his too.

    As far as the other debate going on, I really respect the child free by choice people. I think it's great that you know yourself enough to know that children are not right for you. I know a lot of people that SHOULD have been CFBC but felt that having children is just what you do as you get older and are miserable as parents. I'm kind of in a unique position because I do have a child so the CFBC people don't "get" me, but I also have an only child by choice so 99% of the child bearing people in our country think i'm nuts too lol.

    I get MANY MANY comments on a daily basis about my decision to only have one child so I can sympathize w/ those of you who are tired of people commenting on what they think you should do w/ your reproductive organs!
  2. by   tfleuter
    I don't know about anyone else, but I am starting to think troll on this one.
    Actually, me too.
  3. by   Koyaanisqatsi-RN
    Quote from peytonsmom

    I get MANY MANY comments on a daily basis about my decision to only have one child so I can sympathize w/ those of you who are tired of people commenting on what they think you should do w/ your reproductive organs!
    I'm glad you pointed this out. It really does illustrate how stupid it is for people to be so concerned with our business, right? It doesn't really matter what you do, people will always criticize you if they want to. I do think we can agree though, that people who choose to have no children, or only one, do get quite a lot of flak for it.
  4. by   tfleuter
    Trust me, everyone gets flack for something. Parents get flack for so many differnt things it's almost comical. Breastfeeding vs. formula. Stay-at home moms vs. working moms. Private school vs. public school vs. homeschooling. Kids having tempertantrums in public but parents scared discipline will be viewed as abuse.

    No kids, one kid, five kids, there never seems to be an all around acceptable number. It really is a shame people can't respect others choices.
  5. by   Ellean55
    Sadly there is still an element of suspision about women who have reached a certain age and remain childless. Its unfortunate but true. Its percieved that if you dont want children you are either:-

    * Spoiled
    * Selfish
    * Cruel
    * Seen as less of a woman* because you havent had children
  6. by   Silverdragon102
    Well I would love children unfortunately dh has had radiotherapy etc and can't have them. People have their own reasons on whether they have or do not have children and to be honest that is their right and choice and doesn't bother me one way or another
  7. by   Nurse_Diane
    Quote from Ellean55
    I have a wonderful home, fabulous car, can travel, have lots of wonderful friends, can hang out in wine bars etc. I am happy with my life, so glad I am NOT stuck at home with screaming children and a career that is forced to be stagnant because of the "kids".
  8. by   Nurse_Diane
    Quote from Ellean55
    Sadly there is still an element of suspision about women who have reached a certain age and remain childless. Its unfortunate but true. Its percieved that if you dont want children you are either:-

    * Spoiled
    * Selfish
    * Cruel
    * Seen as less of a woman* because you havent had children
    Isn't that ridiculous? I'm 38, been married for 14 years and have no children BY CHOICE.

    I have had people tell me that it's "odd" to not have children... what??

    Isn't it more selfish to have children because society thinks you should, not because you want them? You would turn out to be a selfish parent because you wouldn't give you kids the attention they need, etc.

    Great post. I agree 100%. I hate that society "AS A WHOLE" judges those of us without kids.
  9. by   kayty2339
    Quote from Ellean55
    Sadly there is still an element of suspision about women who have reached a certain age and remain childless. Its unfortunate but true. Its percieved that if you dont want children you are either:-

    * Spoiled
    * Selfish
    * Cruel
    * Seen as less of a woman* because you havent had children
    Well I don't have that suspision and I've never even thought about critisizing people for deciding not to have kids. You need to get off your soap box and get over it. So WHAT if somebody, somewhere put you down for not having kids. People are critisized everyday for many reasons. Like somebody else said, parents are critisized for many different reasons. How they are raising their kids, how many kids they decide to have, etc. I've been questioned when I say I might want to have 3 kids some people who think that's too many kids think I'm crazy. I have friends who want to have a big family and have 4 or more children get critisized for that choice. NOBODY is immune to the effects of other peoples opinions and critisizms. .... go enjoy that life you say you love so much.
    Last edit by NRSKarenRN on Jun 4, '09 : Reason: TOS
  10. by   xbabygirl
    I have a lot of respect for nursing students who have their own families (i.e. spouse and kids) because nursing school is a very time consuming and rigorous program. I can't imagine what it is like going to school, coming home and taking care of your kids AND studying all at the same time -- it's like working two jobs everyday. I'm single without kids and I'm already exhausted after class! So a lot of kudos to those who are in the works of getting their license and having a full plate on them.
  11. by   missybear88
    This whole thread is quite interesting, even if some are lashing out a bit too hard.

    It's interesting to me because I'm still on the fence about having kids at all. I'm only 21, still very young, and going for my graduate degree (even though right now it's just a small pinpoint on the horizon - lol).

    But I can empathize with everyone on this thread. I was thrust into adulthood at the age of 16, when I discovered I was pregnant. See, I'm a birthmother, I have a son who will be 4 in September. I was only 17 when I had him, which is why I chose the adoption route; I was in no shape whatsoever to handle the responsibilities of parenthood when I was still a teenager (hell, even now the thought of motherhood terrorizes me. But that's just my personal opinion). Looking back now, I'm always curious how dramatically different my life would be had I kept him. Would I have gotten my butt in school sooner and work harder to provide for the fam? Or would I be at a severe disadvantage because of my lack of resources, etc? Which road would be easier, harder, simpler, less exhausting, etc?

    The whole issue with this is that there is simply no one magical, "right" choice for EVERYONE. People are bewhildered that I gave my son up for adoption and some even look down on me for it. But I don't mind them, because I did what was fitting for me and my life (and most importantly, his). And you know what? I could care less what anyone else thinks.

    Whether you choose to have kids, accidentally get pregnant and just "go with it", or make the concious choice not to is all the right decision, depending on perspective. And that's what it all comes down to: perspective. For everyone, this is different. Embrace it, don't let it set you apart.

    As adults, we should be able to agree to disagree without hurtful remarks or comebacks. Remember, an eye for an eye will make us all blind.
  12. by   chrissytex
    I am 30 and started college a year ago. I am a mother of four kids (ages 11,6,4 & 3). I work full time and attend school full time. Since summer I (last June) I have 47 college credits and a 3.867 gpa... last semester I took 22 hours (which was WAY INSANE...) It has been MORE THAN hectic-my kids and I call it "organized chaos"...I am constantly getting the kids ready, taking them to school, headed to work, studying on break, picking the kids up, head to night class 3 nights a week, doing homework with them, tucking them in, and then hitting the books and finally I fall into bed exhausted to wake up 5 hours later and start all over. There are times I wish I had done it younger, but I too was a teen mom. I have learned from the school of hard knocks. I also had some time to spend with them while they were little. They are in no way suffering from me going to school-I have a great husband and family near and with creative scheduling-the kids feel as if they are getting not only special mom time (I take turns taking each one out and make time to attend school or church functions for them) but they get a "guys night" with dad, hang out with PawPaw time, and they learn great things from their aunts and MeeMaw. I feel that as an older student and a mother, I am a more dedicated student. I feel that I need to set an example for them. It isn't like I can afford to fail or burn out, because not only have we taken a financial risk paying for school, but we have all made sacrifices for a better future. It has helped me knowing that even when I feel that a class sucks and the professor is a nincompoop, I have my own personal cheering section.

    HTH
  13. by   back2thebooks
    I can't say how it's affected my career, per se, but my nursing education---it's been tough. With my first degree (I earned a Bachelor's Degree 12 years ago--went to college right out of high school)--I didn't have children and it was certainly less stressful. Now I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. The toughest part for me is that I have a husband who travels and do not have family nearby who are able to help. I know there has been some heated discussion on the boards about members being tired of hearing about how hard it is for those with children, etc..... or those who have kids saying that students without children have it so easy, etc..... I really try not to get into that because I think we all have our own circumstances which provide challenges and it's all relative. I'm really more concerned with what I can do to achieve my goals--rather than compare my situation with others'--know what I mean? :P
    Last edit by back2thebooks on Jun 4, '09

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