horrendously long post... read if you dare (and if you have time?) - page 2

Ok, this is pretty personal, but no one here knows who I am so here goes! I need any advice anyone has on juggling a full time family and full time nursing school. I get all A's and B+'s in school, I... Read More

  1. by   Mommycakers
    Your son is your first priority and then you. You seem like a strong woman who has overcome many hardships. You have the power within you to make the right choices for a bright future for you and your son. Don't stop believing in yourself and what you can accomplish. Remember you can only change yourself. You can not change someone else. Good Luck!
  2. by   SuesquatchRN
    I'm going to annoy a lot of people here but I'd keep dancing one or two days a week. CNA is $10 an hour. You can't support yourself and your son on that.

    Kick the loser to the curb and keep on keepin' on, girl. You can do this.
  3. by   Mommy_of_3_in_AL..RN
    I agree on the dancing part...If you can do it, it pays the bills, and you are satisfied with it, go for it. I agree with the PP that it may make others mad, but you know what...others arent you. Only you know what is best for you and your family (and as others have said, the man may not be best). You are not the only one to have danced to get through school, and you wont be the last. I dont think it should be an issue with getting a job as long as you are up front about it..There is a BIG difference in dancing and prostituting.

    As far how to get through school with a child, and possibly no partner...it ca be done.In reality, sometimes, even with the financial difficulties you face being singe, the ride is easier alone than with someone holding you back because of their own insecurities and jealousness. Like others have said, look at where you can make cuts to help financially...for example, if you get rid of the looser, you will also be getting rid of the extra mouths to feed, clothe, and entertain. (Ok maybe that sounds a little harsh, but its true..it costs alot less to house, feed and clothe two people versus 4-6 or however many). Downsizing your home, cutting back on unnecessary things like expanded cable/satellite TV, and maybe cutting off the home phone and using only a cell are all options. Your son may not understand now, but the sacrifices you all make now will be worth it in the end.

    You have so much motivation and determination..do not let anyone get in the way of your plans for your future. Good luck, and keep us posted!
  4. by   MammaNurse2Be
    All I can say from reading your post is that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you need to be strong and leave. True love does not involve anger at studying late. It has no guilt trips for pursuing your dreams nor is it manipulative. I think you know this or you would not have asked the question here. With your history of dating a man that went to prison and a mother that obviously is not on the right path, you have come from one abusive situation into an other. If you don't leave for any other reason, do it for you child, who is watching and learning how to be a man from a loser. You are at risk of having him grow to be the same type of abuser. Just because it doesn't leave a bruise, doesn't mean it is not abuse. Figure out how to get through school alone. Move away and start your life over. It is never to late to start fresh. You are strong and capable. You have come far but it is now time to make a big jump and leave that man. You will never find love if you stay with people with such low standards. Forgive my bluntness but you need a BIG wake up call.
  5. by   Cilantrophobe
    You keep talking about your man is wonderful and that true love is hard to find but unless you make more and more time for him, he will continue to make you feel guilty about school. People are so quick to say leave him, but is that really going to make things better, and make you a happier person? Would you really be happier without him?

    I am married with one child and although I haven't started the nursing program yet, I know that men can sometimes be hard to please. But if you really sat down and thought about it, MANY men are not satisfied with their partner doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children. MANY men, including yours, are selfish and they need a lot of love and attention. And none of that includes cooking, cleaning, or caring for children. So, if you love him and you want to stay with him make more time for him. I am not going to tell you to ditch this guy because I can kind of understand where he is coming from. How would you feel if you were in his shoes, and your woman wasn't making much time for you? It is human nature to feel neglected at times. Guys don't generally care or express appreciation for the things we do, they just want attention.

    I love my husband more than anything, but even he has accused me of using him. But that is just because he is insecure and jealous. But now that I know his insecurities I have to make tons of time for him and make sure that he gets all the special attention he needs, because my marriage is very important to me. So as I prepare to start the nursing program this fall, I am brainstorming various ways of making time for him. I think all of us should be doing this. Because if your relationship is important to you, and if there is something that you can do to make it better, then isn't it worth the effort? On the other hand, if you make plenty of time for him and that isn't good enough, then nothing ever will be.Nursing school will always be there but your man may not. So, if he is worth the fight, then keep on trucking. You will be a stronger woman in the end.

    Whatever you do, good luck.
  6. by   Junebugfairy
    jaysmom~

    i have no issue with you being a stripper at all..actually.. if you are going to school, studying, and making money.. why not? you are creating a better life for yourself and your son.

    there are programs out there to assist you with housing, section 8 being a very well known program.

    look.. a wonderful guy will not treat you like that at all..no matter what. you deserve better..your son deserves a better role model. how would you feel if he grew up thinking that he could treat women the way your b/f treats you? kids are smart, they pick up on 'little' things.
  7. by   psalm
    Just how old is your son? Is he at the age where he is curious about sexual activity? Do you think it is healthy for him to know that his mother makes her money by baring her body to men? Really, think about this...would you be upset a few years from now if he was a regular patron at a topless place?

    Your man sounds like he may have a future in pimping...he doesn't seem to care about you or your son. He is using you. Again, is this something you want your son to copy? Not trying to make you feel bad..but these are questions where you won't see the answers until a few years from now.

    Please look for aid from the above mentioned sources. As some have mentioned, your son deserves a better role model of how a man should be. I would respectfully add he needs to see a woman who can not only support herself, but do it in a way that would not be an embarrassment on a resume.
    Last edit by psalm on May 17, '09 : Reason: add
  8. by   melmarie23
    Just how old is your son? Is he at the age where he is curious about sexual activity? Do you think it is healthy for him to know that his mother makes her money by baring her body to men? Really, think about this...would you be upset a few years from now if he was a regular patron at a topless place?
    This. I think this is an important question and warrants examination. If you enjoy stripping and like the money then fine. But I really think you should think about your son and the impact this may have on him.

    I am sorry, but when there is a young child involved, you have to think about how every aspect of your life will affect this young person. If it were me, and I were in your shoes with a young child at home, I wouldnt take my clothes off for money. Before children...sure. After? No way. The young are very impressionable and you have to think about how you taking off your clothes for money is going to affect him. Think about it this way...if it were your daughter or son, would you want them to strip?

    There are other ways/jobs out there to earn money for school. That and scholarships and educational loans (which can be used for living expenses if need be). I think it would be wise to research other options. Start by going into your school's financial aid department.
  9. by   Wsmith16
    Whatever you do don't give up on school--that piece of paper will help you long after your boyfriend leavse & will put food on the table. In the meantime do what you gotta do if that mean dancing which is not ideal continue until you finish school. What doesn't break you will make you stronger.
  10. by   BabyLady
    I'm not known on this board for being tactful, so I'll just give it to you straight...this man is showing all the signs of being an abuser.

    He doesn't want you to work on school work, because that would mean you would gain financial independence and possibly not need him....that is why he is discouraging you from succeeding.

    He doesn't want to get married because he doesn't want to be legally obligated to give you anything.

    Honey, that isn't true love....that is an abuser disguised as Mr. Nice Guy. The closer you get to your goal...the angrier he is going to be.

    The nursing program isn't causing him to be jealous...you love him so much you are looking for any reason to justify his behavior.

    Don't walk...RUN from this man.

    As soon as you get out of school, dump him.
  11. by   BabyLady
    Quote from jaysmom
    Thank you everyone, after another night of bad attitude I decided that I am going to try one last time to make this work at home. I am sending out my CNA application tomorrow and getting that certificate. Money for school isn't the issue right now, I have financial aid but living and being able to afford living on my own with my son while in full time school is almost impossible. I have no family and no support system at all. My son's father is back in jail so no help there. Once I get my CNA license I will work per diem while I'm in school and I'm going to put my name on a low income housing list "just in case". If I make this last effort and he's still not happy I'll just leave. My son is my main focus, but sometimes it's just so tiring trying to be everything to everyone. Some way or another I will find a way to make this work until I finish the LPN course. Some people are just miserable no matter what and I guess he's going to be one of those people... I can make this asumption very confidently as we've been together 6 years and I think he's always been mad. The day he's happy would be a day to make me worry! Thank you all for the encouragement.
    I just find it strange that YOU are trying to jump through hoops, trying to re-arrange your life so HE can be happy.

    What is he doing to make YOU happy? Writing a check is cheap...meanwhile, he gets a sexual partner, someone to take care of and entertain his children on the weekends, a clean house, meals.

    What does HE do for you to MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER instead of being more difficult?????

    If he's been angry for 6 years....he's going to be angry for another 60.
  12. by   Junebugfairy
    just how old is your son? is he at the age where he is curious about sexual activity? do you think it is healthy for him to know that his mother makes her money by baring her body to men? really, think about this...would you be upset a few years from now if he was a regular patron at a topless place?

    i disagree strongly.. since when do children have the right to know about their parents activities? i know many nurses who work the 11pm to 7 am shift, and all sorts of in between hours, so just because you work "at night" does not mean that you are stripping.

    many single mom's do not tell their children about stripping, and quite frankly, it is none of their business.

    children do not have the right to dictate parental activity. as long as a mother is not harming her child, then may may see fit to do as she pleases.
  13. by   madnurse2b
    Quote from fairycari
    just how old is your son? is he at the age where he is curious about sexual activity? do you think it is healthy for him to know that his mother makes her money by baring her body to men? really, think about this...would you be upset a few years from now if he was a regular patron at a topless place?

    i disagree strongly.. since when do children have the right to know about their parents activities? i know many nurses who work the 11pm to 7 am shift, and all sorts of in between hours, so just because you work "at night" does not mean that you are stripping.

    many single mom's do not tell their children about stripping, and quite frankly, it is none of their business.

    children do not have the right to dictate parental activity. as long as a mother is not harming her child, then may may see fit to do as she pleases.
    i have to agree on this one. i live in las vegas, i have been in school, and am currently in school with people who are stripping their way through school. i've also known people who were den mothers at strip clubs, if you treat it as a job it pays better than working in a convenience store and it gets you through. but, if the stripping is getting to you emotionally, and for some it does - go be a cna. pay cut and all is better than letting your kid see you get eroded emotionally. oh wait, he is living with it with your relationship! not to be harsh, but do you see the connection between these things? get out of the relationship, finish the lpn get a job wherever you can as an lpn and get into your rn program before stuff expires. you and your kid are too valuable to waste the time long term.

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