Getting focus back on school after separation?

  1. I finally kicked my cheating abusive husband out this weekend. Now I feel like I can't focus. I've been forcing myself out of bed to go to classes in the morning but I can't tell you a single thing we've learned this week. Any suggestions on how to get my focus back?
  2. Visit JenMarie82 profile page

    About JenMarie82

    Joined: Apr '05; Posts: 67; Likes: 8

    11 Comments

  3. by   morte
    counseling....no matter how you feel about him now, you loved him once....to find that your judgement was wrong is a kick in the self esteem...any change, even one that will be positive in the long run, is difficult
  4. by   Cherish
    Being around people that are supportive also helps. If your around negative, unsupportive people that will drag your confidence down even more. I suggest seeking some counseling too. There are many free choices that may be available at your college. They will also steer you in the right direction if you go to the counseling department at your college.

    Hope you do well and no one deserves to be treated that way. Good Luck!:icon_hug:
  5. by   kukukajoo
    A few years ago when I split with my ex, I started going to a counselor at the local catholic charities. Not having money to pay was no problem there, they have a sliding fee scale, nor was not being catholic. I wan't going to school at the time but my counselor is a huge reason I am going to school now and following my dreams.

    Many times it is easier to stay in a bad marriage then to leave so I want to tell you that you did a courageous thing by doing what you did!! I applaud you for wanting more and knowing you deserve more and taking the steps to make that happen! (it took me years to find the courage to leave!)

    Now you have time to heal and find the life you want and counseling can only help you in your new path to a new and bright future.

    Today, after 8 years, i still go to my counsleor and she is my personal cheering crew! She has seen me through many bad times and helped me make the decisions I knew I needed to make- she is more like an old friend I can tell anything to.
  6. by   gr8rnpjt
    You may be overthinking past experiences with him, or maybe wondering/worrying about what he is up to. The best thing to do is remember that you are important, he did not value you for what you were worth. Try giving yourself positive affirmations. say these to yourself while looking in the mirror:
    Challenges help me grow
    I can see stressful situations as challenges
    I can choose a positive frame of mind
    I can handle whatever comes
    Today has limitless possibilities
    I can find balance in mhy life
    I can find love and support
    I can accomplish anything
    I can handle whatever comes
    I can create inner peace
    I am strong
    Peace is power
    This too shall pass
    My intentions create my reality
    Stress is leaving my body
    Today I choose joy
    I can make healthy choices
    I am doing my best
    I breathe in peace
    Today my intention is for peace
    I am in charge of my life
    I have many options
    I can create positive change
    I am wise
    My happiness comes from within
    I can start healthy habits
    Each moment brings choice
    I can stay calm under pressure
    I can choose happiness
    I choose healthy relationships
    I can find my happy place

    Remember, he did not define you. You define yourself. If he abused you, it may take a while to determine who you are again. It takes time. If you are spiritual, find God's Peace in whatever you see and do.
    I try to remember to thank God when I see a beautiful sunrise, or sunset. I thank God when I am taking the garbage out at 6am and see 3 beautiful deer sprinting across my street and into the woods. The beautiful things I see with my eyes are a gift from God. Take time to consciously see the gifts that God give us every day. And then take the time to thank God for that gift.
    Read my journal. My plate is full, but I am trying hard to surround myself with God's Peace.
  7. by   WDWpixieRN
    You might not remember things for awhile and will have difficulty getting through some of the next few weeks or months....what you're going through is probably very similar to a death...

    I think you've got some great suggestions above....the important thing is to just keep showing up -- for yourself, for your family, for your friends....eventually, this, too, shall pass....best wishes....
  8. by   cisco
    I left my abusive husband while I was in nursing school. Yes, it is very tough to concentrate...then I remembered that the whole reason I was in nursing school was because I believed in myself. I wanted to be able to make a decent living for myself and my son in a career that I could also give back to the world in some way. So, remember who you really are, and just how special you are, and remember why you wanted to become a nurse in the first place. Hang in there, you will succeed!!! PS; Move some money into your own banking account and hire a good attorney...protect yourself...most abusers are really bullies and cowards...they tend to back off when you stand up for yourself...as scary as that can seem. If you're afraid for your safety, call the police. Best wishes!!
    Last edit by cisco on Mar 21, '07 : Reason: make an addition
  9. by   cursedandblessed
    Part of it may the uncertainty you feel about the way your life is going to change. When my husband was about to reach bottom in his alcoholism (he's at 2 years sobriety and we're still together and I'm going to live out my dream of being a nurse with or without him), I wasn't sure day to day whether he would be still be living here in my home. I got out pen and paper and made a list of things that would have to change if I had to ask him to leave. I made up a budget, a list of things I would sell in order to get some emergency cash, and other considerations like insurance, etc., how to increase my work hours.

    Make a plan for your week on Sunday and try to stick to it. Set aside times to study. If you're worried about him coming to hurt you call your local police department and let them know you're afraid. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves her abuser. Call your local woman's shelter, no because you need a place to stay, but in order to get a referral for a counselor, they may also be able to help you if you need things like to get on some type of aid for food, or medicaid until you get out of college or have a chance to rearrange your finances. I'm not saying that you specifically need these things, but someone else reading this might. I'm not normally a fan of public assistance, but I truly believe in this type of situation this is what it is truly made for.

    Whatever you do, don't let him ruin your goal of becoming a nurse!! You will have independence and the satisfaction of caring for others. I let my husband's drinking get in the way of it for far too long.
  10. by   Lisa CCU RN
    I filed for divorce from my abusive, cheating husband soon as after starting nursing school. I found school to be the best distraction.

    A little counseling won't hurt either.
    PM me if you need a friend.
  11. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from cisco
    I left my abusive husband while I was in nursing school. Yes, it is very tough to concentrate...then I remembered that the whole reason I was in nursing school was because I believed in myself. I wanted to be able to make a decent living for myself and my son in a career that I could also give back to the world in some way. So, remember who you really are, and just how special you are, and remember why you wanted to become a nurse in the first place. Hang in there, you will succeed!!! PS; Move some money into your own banking account and hire a good attorney...protect yourself...most abusers are really bullies and cowards...they tend to back off when you stand up for yourself...as scary as that can seem. If you're afraid for your safety, call the police. Best wishes!!
    Correction: ALL abusers are bullies and cowards.
  12. by   Sabby_NC
    Cisco I pray in time all settles down for you and you find your direction and concentration. Big hugs your way.:icon_hug:
  13. by   sb121
    Hi Cisco,

    I am in the same situation basically and will be filing for divorce soon. I am waiting on my letter for acceptance to get into the ADN for Fall 07. I am worried about who will watch my D11 while I have weekend clinicals and class 2 nights a week. I'm hoping that I'll figure something out by August. Just wanted you to know I can relate. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Please just take care of yourself and find the thing inside that brought you to nursing in the first place. Hopefully that will help you get back into your studies.

    Blessings,

    sb

close