Feeling so Bummed

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I am feeling so bummed. I just don't know what to do. I just started nursing school about three weeks ago. The great thing about it is that I was able to get in with one of my friends that I did all my pre-req's with. We've known each other for over 4 plus years. Now in nursing school we have different days in labs and at clinicals, however we still see each other in theory class. I feel like she's separating herself from me. She's not including me into the study groups she gets invited to and she sort of ignores me almost purposely. I have invited her to any and every study group that I have been invited to. I have never left her out because we went in saying that at least we got in the same time and am able to help one another through it. I feel like she doesn't want me to be a part of whatever she is a part of, almost hiding it from me. I just don't know what to do, and it's hindering me being able to study and focus on what is really important. I know this isn't what nursing school is about to worry about friendships but it still affects me. I am the most caring and giving person ever and I don't deserve this. What am I suppose to do?

I've never heard anyone say that nursing school is where you develop caring friendships for life! Literally never. I'm in casual touch with a few people from nursing school on facebook, but that's it. I think those who still live in the area are probably in touch a bit more. Sometimes in my current hospital someone will say "oh, I went to school with her!" but I never hear anything about groups of friends from nursing school getting together or anything like that.

Most people are in nursing school to focus, pass licensure, get a job, and move on. You immediately spread in a million directions.

Make friends in your own lab and clinical group. It's as simple as that. Next semester you'll have new groups and retain some of those friends while making new ones. But don't expect them to be your BFFs for life... or for now, even.

Nursing school is not a high school musical.

This is about your future as a professional; not worrying about which table you'll be sitting at in the lunchroom.

Leave that sophomoric silliness behind, where it should be. Put your nose down, open your books, and stay on task. This is your life. Do it well.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I was really going to let this go, I really was. I can't help it if it's affecting me emotionally. I just feel so sick to my stomach, and I can't study. It wouldn't be so hard if it was coming from her. Actually, if I didn't get invited to any study groups I would be totally fine! But for the fact that she is not including me in is what's getting to me. So, there's a study group going on in a couple days. It's mainly with the people she knows on her clinical days. However, one of the girls that I know is hosting and she invited me to go. She informed me of who was coming, of course my so called good friend is going, and she didn't mention anything to me. She doesn't know I will be going, or if I'm going go. I haven't decided yet. What should I do, not go or go and not let her know I'm going? I just don't understand. Why do I have struggle with not fitting in? I just feel so isolated, like something must be wrong with me? Maybe I'm not cool enough for everyone. Why am I letting this hinder my studying? I guess, I went into this hearing that in nursing school is where you will establish caring relationships with these people for the rest of your life. I am not feeling this right now. Will it get better? How was it with your guy's experience? I am not being needy, I just feel like why is she not inviting me. I have done nothing wrong. We still hang out in theory and see each other, but yet she doesn't mention outside study groups? Why?

Nursing school is where you go to get a nursing education, not where you go to develope "caring relationships for life." For some kids, college IS like that. You develop lifelong friendships. For others, not so much. I had 2 or 3 jobs at a time; I didn't have the time to develop all of those caring lifelong friendships.

Your friend is developing new friendships. That happens sometimes. But you have the option to do so as well.

It's up to you to decide whether you're there to get an education or for some other reason.

"...It's up to you to decide whether you're there to get an education or for some other reason.

^^^This.

Growing up is hard to do.

If you are uncomfortable asking this person then you must move on and worry about your own learning.I suspect. I would study my rear end off and ace every test as success is the sweetest revenge.You DO NOT need this girl to succeed.Do you really want to be around somone that has made it a point to to exclude you.....NO you don"t! Perhaps she is jealous of you...perhaps she wanted this all to herself and when you got on she did not feel special anymore.....who knows.....but it is time to get busy and you will make friends in due time.Just take one day at a time and do what you need to do.It's not the end of the world if you have to study alone.It worked for me as I graduated at the top of my class of 88 studemts....not once did I attend a study group

This literally made me cry. Thank you for taking the time to give me some feedback. I'll never know why she is intentionally excluding me but it's alright. I know it's easier said then done, but I will try to move on from this. I have to gain my independence somehow because this is really bringing me down. I have sat all day in front of my computer and only read one page of my book. I am truly depressed and am really thinking about deferring and starting next semester.

nursingforme2, I don't know how old you are, but you sound young. I do not say this to be rude. I say this because I suspect that you are at an age where your friends are super important and fitting in matters. At some point, friends move on and fitting in isn't something you worry about too much anymore. Some of our friends are meant to be forever and some are not.

Your friend is giving you clues that she is moving on. If you try to keep her by your side, you'll push her farther away. Ask her what's going on, but only ask her once. If you get an answer, accept it graciously and let it be. Give yourself a little time to be sad or mad about it and then put all that energy into your studies.

... and all this makes me glad I'm an old fart and these types of experiences and feelings are behind me... waaaaaaay behind me!

Chin up, this will pass.

It is just not healthy to focus and define your well-being in this way. Friendships change as people change and circumstances. Expecting somebody to spend her whole time and share everything with you is unrealistic, clingy, and sets you up to fail. It sounds that you feel rejected by your friend and potentially by other people. It is normal that friendships change or the way we feel accepted or belong as we move through life. When you write that you can't let go it has some obsessive quality.

I never attended study groups in nursing school and spend time with a variety of people - it is not good to focus and obsess about one person and how that person relates to you and let it influence your whole thinking and life.

This level of distress over not getting invited to a study group seems excessive to me. I would talk to a school counselor about this.

Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

If your friend has been invited to a study group it's maybe not her place to invite you to join in. She is allowed to have other friends. She may not be " excluding" you, she's just doing some stuff with other people, which she is entitled to do. Being needy will drive her away.

Specializes in Med/Surg, LTACH, LTC, Home Health.
This literally made me cry. Thank you for taking the time to give me some feedback. I'll never know why she is intentionally excluding me but it's alright. I know it's easier said then done, but I will try to move on from this. I have to gain my independence somehow because this is really bringing me down. I have sat all day in front of my computer and only read one page of my book. I am truly depressed and am really thinking about deferring and starting next semester.

You can't be serious!!! If you give up your seat over this 'nonsense', it may be way longer than a semester when you get it back....ready or not. They will not hold your seat for you; believe that!

Specializes in Med/Surg, LTACH, LTC, Home Health.

My dad made me go to nursing school way back when (he paid for my LPN education). I lost every friend I thought I had with that move because they said I changed. Well, nothing about me changed; I simply kept doing what my dad told me to do until I was independent enough to make my own decisions. As for my friends, nothing about them changed, either. Most of them are still unemployed and are right where I left them.

Your decision today will either come back and bite you in the a$$, or be waiting to open the next door for you. Think carefully. Proceed with caution!

Here are a few suggestions for you:

1) Make new friends.

2) Stop it with the soap opera drama. This is real life, not TV.

3) Hang out with other people.

4) Develop some outside interests.

5) Stop fixating on this one small aspect of your life.

6) Act like a mature adult and talk to your friend, rationally and calmly, about how you feel.

7) This bears repeating: STOP THE DRAMA.

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