Here's my story (it's not as long as it looks!!)- I'm a Junior student at Case Western's FPB nursing school; however I only have sophomore standing in the nursing school because I withdrew from classes the 2nd semester of my freshman year due to depression and had to wait a year to re-take the classes. Before withdrawing I'd started to skip full days/classes/meetings/exams because I cdnt handle the pressure. It was hard to concentrate whenever I didn't do as well as I wanted because I'm a perfectionist and was used to being able to do things well so I slipped into depression. It took a lot of self humbling and make-ups, but I took this setback, got counseling, and managed to make it to the end of the sophomore nursing year.
Now I am struggling in my classes for a different reason... My school has a 4yr BSN program where we start clinicals freshman yr. Lately I have been struggling with simply making it to clinicals either on time or at all. I sleep late and don't hear the alarm or turn it off and tell myself I have time to lay there for a minute- it's always something. Because of this I missed (and made up) 5 lab days in med-surg II, then missed a mandatory lab day and 1.5 days in Psych clinical which means instant failure. So I will have to make up both classes next year (putting me back by ANOTHER year :/ ). I feel soo bad because I've been given so many chances. I've talked to advisers, counselors, other nurses, instructors, other students, etc. and still struggled with this. My boyfriend even called me early most mornings to make sure I was up, but I would often still find some way to stop myself from making it to class.
The classes I missed were usually classes I didn't feel comfortable in or see a point to (psych clinical), or felt like a failure in so I think I just subconsciously avoided them. I think my problem is psychological or I just don't want to be a nurse as much as I thought. I really feel I want to be a nurse-midwife though.. I love natural birth, advocacy and babies
It excites me. I'm going to spend the summer trying to shadow a midwife of NICU nurse to get a better idea and hopefully re-motivate myself to do what I need to in my classes. I need to figure out why I keep putting up roadblocks for myself and stop it, or find out what else I want to do with my life..
What I'm wondering from you guys is what impression you get about me from hearing my story? If you're a nurse do you think I can even get hired after all of these struggles? Have any of you had similar experiences or have any advice for me?? Please any advice can help! I'm really discouraged about this. thanks
May 6, '12
- Don't take it wrong but I'm going to be blunt and and hit the nail on the head. I'm not saying anything that you don't already know. I would like to see you succeed and reach your goals.
Well it does seem like you're sabotaging yourself, that you lack discipline and are immature.
The pyscho babble is this, You're doing everything you can to sabotage yourself so if you fail you can still feel ok with it saying oh but I'm better than that it was just X circumstances, and if i only applied myself i can do it. Brain doesn't want to face the painful possibility of what if I am truly not capable and this is the limit of my intellect so it will do all it can to prevent that reality from happening even at the cost of losing the goal of nursing. Brain fears that its true that I am a failure.
Do some soul searching, Look deep in to yourself, ask yourself what do i want in life, why nursing, what else would i want to do if not nursing, what am i afraid of? face your monsters. How far will I go to make my dream of being a midwife reality? Wanting something and will power will only go so far it is discipline that will drive the rest on days you aren't motivated.
is a muscle that needs to be trained. Start with something simple of waking up at 6am every day whether you need to or not . Buy 2-3 alarm clocks with extra loud settings, set em at 5 mins apart. Go to sleep earlier, stay up all nite, doesn't matter how you do it you will get up at 6am. After being able to wake up at 6am everyday, you do add to it your study schedule of X chapters/topics per day. This way on days you don't feel like studying you will still be able to do it whether you like the job or not.
- I define it as ability To do something because you say you will. To accept responsibility for your actions.
Your story sounds very familiar because that was me at one point. I procrastinated, overslept classes, late to clinicals, exams forgot to do important things .. and nearly failed nursing school because it. I fixed most of those problems, went on to mentor/solve student issues, took on a leadership role, graduated, passed state boards, so am licensed RN, will start RN-BSN in summer, and now looking for work as nurse. Future = ER nurse, Doctorate in DNP and teach nursing.
Anything is possible because I can wake up at 6am every day .. just because I said so. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Last edit by Inori on May 6, '12