Death: It Never Gets Easy, Does it?

[Sotalol]

Hello, I am a nursing student in my last year of school. I was a nursing assistant for nearly two years before I was promoted to an ICU/progressive nurse technician (nurse extern). With the change in job title came greater autonomy and responsibility, which I am fine with. I am also working in an area of the hospital that I am passionate about. As usual, I love my patients and do my best to win the more difficult ones over with kindness :).

However, one thing that I cannot completely shake is all of the tragedies. Many of my patients have died within a 2 month period, some of which took me by surprise. Thankfully, I was only on the unit for 2 of them.

It is much easier for me to accept a death when I know the patient was suffering immensely and/or had no hope of a meaningful recovery. But recently, one of my former patients passed and I grieved like never before. Older person, in CICU for severe HFrEF, denied LVAD, poor prognosis. Said individual was hopeful to be discharged on milrinone to live out their last days with their family. During the one shift I had this patient, I got to know them well. They accepted their fate with dignity, was rational 100% of the time, and very grateful for whatever you did for them. Occasionally, they would express disappointment over the LVAD denial, but cracked jokes whenever possible, as to lighten the mood.

We bonded over routine cares, setting up their meal trays, and holding their Yoplait (as to not occlude their IV or aggravate the Swan-Ganz). They were having nightmares about their inevitable mortality, so we found some positive affirmations for good dreams. I also realized that this person was intelligent, cultured, and had a sense of peace about them... It was nearly angelic. They encouraged me about being in nursing school and told me that I will make a great nurse.

Near the end of my shift, I was stocking the rooms, but stopped to ensure that their dinner was fixed properly. Once the oncoming shift arrived, I was drawn to their room for one last time. I offered help with anything they needed. I also spent a few extra minutes with them, briefly hugged them, and offered more kind words.

3 days later, they passed away. I cried for 2 days (unlike me) and I'm still sad. I hope I can completely overcome this sadness. I can deal with any other passing, but theirs hit me the hardest.

Fly high... I hope heaven is as wonderful to you as you were to this world.

[smf0903]

Some deaths certainly hit harder than others. We recently had one, super sweet patient, awesome family. While this patient had a bleak prognosis, it wasn't anything that was imminent. However, the patient coded and died. We discussed it amongst ourselves at work because many of us had been involved in this patient's care, and all of us were taken aback by what we considered their untimely death. BUT, we also recognized that the patient didn't suffer through long procedures and treatments, and that their death, while tragic, came relatively quickly and I guess we took some solace in that.

There are always going to be some that hit you harder than others, that's for sure. It sounds like your patient was fortunate enough to have had you as part of their care team...sounds like you took a few extra steps that they probably greatly appreciated.

((Hugs)) to you!