Great essay! You should have no problem convincing them you are a great candidate for their program!! I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of changing some things, and adding a few thoughts....of course, you don't have to take any of my advice!!! Here goes:
I have always had a keen interest in medicine and helping people. In high school I volunteered as a camp counselor for the Howard County Association for Disabled Persons and the Kings County Horsemanship Association, two organizations that help(aid?) children with disabilities. Because I was interested in learning about nursing, I then received my certificate to be a certified nursing assistant. I worked in a hospital in the I.C.U., C.I.C.U., and intermediate care. While I volunteered (**wait, weren't you working as a CNA? Where does volunteering come in?) , I would assist the nurses with patient care such as feeding, intake and output measurements, bathing, and spending time with some of the patients that didn't have visitors. (**Insert positive thought here, such as: I really enjoyed working in these environments, because ______)
During this time, I would also go to the library on the floor during slow times and read copies of the New England Medical Journal and medical textbooks, (**to learn more about medicine and satisfy my intellectual curiosity? or something along those lines). I then joined the Navy where I met my husband. We had a son who was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome when he was 4 years old. I postponed returning to school in order to be available for his school and doctor's appointments. (**Did you have positive experiences with nurses at this time?) He is now 14 years old and has become quite stable. He is attending a very good school in Hanford called Shelley Baird. (**Is this relevant?) The experience of being his mother has taught me many things that I know will be applicable towards being a nurse including a lot of patience and the ability to adapt to constantly changing situations. My husband is still in the Navy, but will be home as he is transferring to shore duty for the next three years starting this February. (**Relevance? Or is this to point out that he will be available to take care of your son while you're in school? If so, you might want to clarify that.)
Since going back to school, I have also been volunteering at the hospital here on base where I work in surgery and the lab (what lab?). My lab experiences led me to obtain my Phlebotomy certificate. I have been taking the required pre-requisites and am currently taking Microbiology, Psychology, and Music Appreciation. In the Fall 2003 semester, I will take Chemistry and Sociology, which are the last two classes I will need to complete the list of required classes. (**Do you need to mention these classes here, or will they be listed elsewhere on your application?) My husband is a certified C.P.R. instructor so I will probably take the class for the health care CPR license from him. If that doesn't work out, then I will get it at the gym here on base where they also offer the class. I will get the required physical from the hospital here on base.
All of my past roles in the medical field have further enforced my decision to become a nurse. I have a strong desire help people, and I feel that I can do this in a more direct way than other professions in the hospital. (**maybe say: ....and I feel that I can have more of an impact on patients' care as a nurse than through another allied health position?) I am excited to be a part of a field that is challenging and rapidly changing as new discoveries are made. I have decided on this path as the result of experience, talking with current nurses, and extensive research on the role nurses play. Furthermore, I believe that this program would be the best place for me to achieve these goals.
Please don't be afraid to tell me my suggestions suck. :chuckle