women working with women, why its so hard - page 2

Its like women have to "compete" with each other and they are so catty. I never had a problem working with men, but working with women can sometimes be stressful. I always heard one talking about... Read More

  1. by   LVAD RN
    Quote from Cassaundra
    Part of what contributes to this type of behavior is age and where people are at in their lives. The young, single women are more worried about fitting in and having people to do things with outside of work - think highschool. The married/divorced, more mature women who have families and a life outside of work are interested in doing their jobs and going home. Just something to think about.

    I may get flamed for this but it has been my experience that the women who gossip the most and have drama all the time has been middle aged. I worked for an insurance company and some women were either divorced or in the process of one and they would gossip about the new person who just got married. In my nsg class alone the people who caused the most problems were late 20's and older. I am in my 20's as well and it frustrates me no end to see people in my age group and older acting less mature than people 18-25.


    During my internships I have had 3 preceptors at different times, 2 women and 1 man. Before one week was over and these were three different hospitals, I knew from the women who did not pass their boards the first time, who is divorced and the list is long. The male on the other hand I only saw pictures of his wife and kids and once helped him pick out roses for her birthday. I am still friends with ALL my preceptors but I have learned not to gossip with anyone anymore because it can make our environment a negative one.

    Gossip is in any age group, my husband is in his 40's and he thinks it is crazy how much time women and myself before found to gossip about each other. In the pass I would try to get gossip from him about his job and I mean maybe ask him about his boss or even people in our small town of 1000 and he says, "I don't know and I do not CARE what other people are doing" Maybe we should start working together instead of being busy-bodies. Just my 2 cents.
    Last edit by LVAD RN on May 24, '09
  2. by   SoCaliGirl
    Maybe it's different once you're in the nursing environment, but in my industry, women are WAY easier to work with. I'd say out of the 18 guys I work with, 15 of them want to stand around and do nothing.

    I work in a place where you HAVE to have teamwork or everything goes to hell...and them women are the only ones who consistently jump in when someone needs help, and ASK if people need help when they have a free moment.

    If males nurses are all about the job, I can't wait to work with them.
  3. by   SoundofMusic
    Well, on our unit, I can think of only ONE male nurse who will get off his behind to help out when things get tough. The rest of them seem to love to aggregate and congregate in the nurses station and joke and cut up and do the absolute minimum to get by, male techs included. It's a floor, though, and I think the male nurses I see in some of the ICU's and ER, etc. seem to work harder. The ones on our unit I can do without. I honestly prefer working with the gals on the unit who pitch in and help you out when you're overwhelmed. In fact, I dread a day when I'm working w/ many of the males on the unit for this reason. They seem to not even see you when you're drowning and also do not keep up or clean up in their rooms. One really gets to me as he will assert himself as superior and more knowledgeable than the women managers, yet will never step up to perform in a managerial position himself. Easier to sit and criticize from the sidelines.

    That said, many of the younger females are gossipy and immature, but forgiving. If you get on the bad side of one of the older nurses, watch out.

    What seems very insidous is the old girls' network. Once you're in, you seem to do no wrong and get promotions and special favors galore. Or, you can screw up royally, yet you're back in like flint the next day. I am not sure what it takes to get into that special club.
  4. by   shugrr22107NA
    What other people really think about me is none of my business. If I go to work, am a friendly and helpful person doing all I can for the patients (The reason I am in nursing...) I have done my part.

    Look at what you wrote in your original post and think about this...look at who you're trying to impress?! The backstabbers, gossipers and slack employees.

    We can change OUR perceptions of others and how we allow them to affect us, OR we can do a good job, no matter what...I think we can all see the value of having friends, but ultimately I am there to make a difference for the patients in my care, friends are just a bonus!

    Keep on doing your best and value each thank you from a pt who heals, going home better than they arrived as a better reward than ANY co-worker's praise... Isn't that the point?

    Just my 2 cents...
    Last edit by shugrr22107NA on May 24, '09 : Reason: Clarified impressing who?!
  5. by   stillwant2banurse
    I am currently a nursing student working at a local hospital as a PCT, let me start off by saying I thought I was the only one that felt this way. I have decided to just move forward in my career of nursing and to realize that it is just that a career. I am going through the same thing now but I am at work, the nurses as well as several of the techs have osilated me, yes I have had personal issues but I always try and help and make myself available so now tha I have these issues, and chosen to keep them personal I have experienced allot of osilation, allot of gossip and just plain drama, but I look at things like this, God moved me into this career and he and only he will move me out. I always had a problem connecting with several women at one time and I tend to have more male friends than female friends, I am not the type of person to gossip and I dont like being around a whole bunch of gossip, so I have chosen to be myself and to do my 12 hours and keep it moving.

    But you have brought another thought into mind, maybe I should look into private care as well, I also can have the best of both world nursing without so much drama
    good luck
  6. by   stillwant2banurse
    of the techs have osilated me, yes I have had personal issues but I always try and help and make myself available so now tha I have these issues, and chosen to keep them personal I have experienced allot of osilation, allot of gossip and just plain drama, but I look at things like this, God moved me into this career and he and only he will move me out. I always had a problem connecting with several women at one time and I tend to have more male friends than female friends, I am not the type of person to gossip and I dont like being around a whole bunch of gossip, so I have chosen to be myself and to do my 12 hours and keep it moving.

    But you have brought another thought into mind, maybe I should look into private care as well, I also can have the best of both world nursing without so much drama
  7. by   pers
    Quote from rngolfer53
    Seems to me, after working in the energy industry for 25 years before nursing, that nursing suffers from putting people in management positions with little supervisory training or experience, and little support in those tasks from competent professionals. While respect for the manager's clinical skills is vital, it's not in itself enough.

    Managing people is going to be especially difficult when the new supervisor was drawn from the rank and file of the supervised unit. I would not accept a position managing folks that were my friends and equals. It's a script for a very difficult time, at best and failure as the more likely outcome.
    Couldn't agree more! Now, if only management would realize this...
  8. by   Babzuptown
    Quote from chenoaspirit
    Yes, it did hurt my feelings. Ive been up on the floor twice since I quit and it was the same response. Im fine now, just glad to be away from it. But to be the type of person I was while I worked there (helpful and compassionate toward them), it was very disappointing. There were a few who were happy to see me, but it was a limited few. And during the time I worked there (4 years), we all did know about each other's lives outside the hospital. We knew when one of our kids had a birthday, if one was having marital problems, etc. We all knew alot about each other, most would gossip about it behind their backs, but I tried to stay neutral with that type of behavior. So naturally I thought I was respected, but I guess not. It was very high-school-ish there. Women do tend to be more malicious than men. Men tend to be more direct, rather than passive agressive.
    Just off the top of my head, these women are probably of the heard mentality and would resent someone like you who was able to rise above it and move on. They are miserable and resentful that you bailed out of there. I know this will sound jaded, but I'm also a tomboy and have had a terrible time fitting in with "women." I don't get them, never will and don't want to. Please see my post regarding Railroaded. I have to continue working in nursing for at least one year (I have a son who will be a senior in highschool next year). I'd rather wait tables then continue in nursing because of the clicks and politics. I am suspicious of the post above where she describes getting along with everyone and having a facebook blah, blah, blah. I can just imagine they would quickly do away with someone who came along and was perhaps outside of their click. I have worked many places and it is the same everywhere. If you don't know how to play that "girl game", the leaders of the floor bond together to get you out. Sad.
  9. by   Babzuptown
    [quote=snydayz;3643663]I may get flamed for this but it has been my experience that the women who gossip the most and have drama all the time has been middle aged. "

    Well, I'm glad for a candid discussion. At first I thought, yeah, that's true. I'm 47 and the meanest nurses I've encountered, the ones who want to prove they are better and will stop at nothing to demean or invalidate you even to the point of causing your job to come in question are the older nurses.

    But then I got to thinking, the younger nurses, the ones who still have something to prove and are trying to climb up the corporate ladder, they can be real sabataging too.

    So, ultimately, I think it's that "guardian" personality that is attracted to nursing in the first place. I taught briefly. Briefly because the students who came to the program that way, the ones who sat in the back of the class and criticized everyone, including me... the teacher, under their breath (only loud enough to be heard), made me think.. this is so not worth it. I was suprised to learn "they come that way" to nursing. The mean ones rule the roost.

    I am thinking of going on a Forrest Gump like walk in demonstration against mean nurses and how they ruin nursing. Anyone want to join me?
  10. by   stustressed
    women are such passionate,emotional creatures by nature and sometimes this translates into situations that are not healthy in the workplace. I believe that the best thing to do is to try and support each other and not participate in the nasty-ness. You can't control others behavior, only your own.
  11. by   Babzuptown
    Quote from stillwant2banurse
    but I look at things like this, God moved me into this career and he and only he will move me out.
    Be careful. Please. I also thought like this. I trusted to go to work and do my best every night. What ended up happening was I was given the most challenging assignments. I had 5 patients where the rest had 3 or 4. I was told I could not delegate to my aids.

    On the last night I worked, I had not slept enough and was struggling with my 5 patients. I had a weak male aid, one who did not report VS that were out of normal range and who was not my eyes and ears in terms of incontinence or turning those who could not turn themselves. The click who just didn't like me (i'm different, a former actress and very independent, friendly, trusting, open) les miserables, just sat back and watched me flounder.

    Trust in God, do your best, but for God's sake, if you get the feeling you are not being supported....get out of there. Your license could be jeopardized, they will not only hang you out but they will hang out your patients to get you out of they don't like you.

    I know how this looks in black and white. Terrible. But this has been my experience over and over. I am a bachelors' level RN. I work my butt off. I am thoughtful and think for myself. As a nurse new to a hospital/floor, they all want to know who you are, where you were before coming there. It never seems like a friendly "get to know ya" chat either, rather the inquisition.

    So, just really be careful. There is always another job if you still have your license. And more importantly, you won't be part of causing harm to a vulnerable patient.

    Sorry for the tone of this entry. It is well intended.
  12. by   chenoaspirit
    Quote from shugrr22107NA
    What other people really think about me is none of my business. If I go to work, am a friendly and helpful person doing all I can for the patients (The reason I am in nursing...) I have done my part.

    Look at what you wrote in your original post and think about this...look at who you're trying to impress?! The backstabbers, gossipers and slack employees.

    We can change OUR perceptions of others and how we allow them to affect us, OR we can do a good job, no matter what...I think we can all see the value of having friends, but ultimately I am there to make a difference for the patients in my care, friends are just a bonus!

    Keep on doing your best and value each thank you from a pt who heals, going home better than they arrived as a better reward than ANY co-worker's praise... Isn't that the point?

    Just my 2 cents...
    The patients were the reason I was there and the ONLY reason I miss that place. You are right, friends are just a bonus, but teamwork makes a better environment for the patients. When someone couldnt get an IV, I went and did it for them. If they couldnt get a blood draw, they would come and get me. I was GREAT at sticking patients and they always came to me to do it for them. But then afterward, it was like they held it against me. It made me feel uncomfortable asking anyone for help myself when I needed it, I would use the callbell to ask for help but no one would show up. THAT made the environment less positive for the patients. I had one patient ask me for help because her nurse (my coworker) wouldnt help her. She later told me that her nurse was talking about me to HER. I almost blew. My patients loved me and I was often requested, I received countless thank-you cards that went thru management to get to me. The appreciation from my patients is what kept me going. But I was still the low-man-out. If I was seen talking with a guy (security or a doc) they said I was having an affair. If they saw me talking to my gay coworker, then they said I was gay. Management even took me to the side to discuss my "incidents with security". :angryfire Thats when I realized how bad it was. It was rediculous. I dont know. I was just wondering if any others here ever experienced it. I wonder if its possible to be "too nice" because the nicer I was...the worse I was liked. I would much rather have a positive work environment and have support, than to be hated for being nice.
  13. by   ♪♫ in my ♥
    In reading some of the posts that allude to bullying behavior it makes me wonder: Is the average guy harder to bully than the average gal? Or, is the average guy more bully-resistant when the bully is female?

    Having a school-aged daughter I have read a fair amount about the "Queen-Bee" phenomenon and bullying among pre-teen girls. Is it possible that whatever leads to that (which I have no idea) morphs into a grown-up version that manifests in the overwhelmingly female workforce that is nursing?

    Does anybody have any data pertaining to the rates of pre-teen and teen bullying among males versus females?

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