Why am I even trying???

  1. Ug!!!! I have a headache, I have been trying to study. It's my my last night off for four more days. I took two tylenol and feel very stressed for some reason.

    Found out a few days ago that my husband is a diabetic, been helping my husband adjust to many changes, plus the two daily fingersticks, change of diet, and being a good listener, to this very wonderful man whom I love.

    Got a call from the college I would like to attend, they advised me about the courses I need to get into the LPN to RN program, next Fall 2005. The Director of Nurses is a great lady, very up front. She told me how stiff the competition is and the chances of me getting in next fall 2005 could be difficult. They have three LPNs trying to get in this fall 2004 and only one will be picked.

    The nursings schools are difficult to get into here, most likely due to the high unemployment rate and severe nursing shortage, plus nursing school faculty shortage.

    I have a wonderful job, I love and it pays well.

    I love going to school, but spending this money, when we could use it for other things is depressing. Especially if I don't get in Fall 2005. Then it will feel like a waste of money. What bothers me, is the fact that I'm 52 and my husband is 58. We do need time to enjoy together, to have fun. I already lost one husband in 2000, due to a car accident. I want to enjoy my current husband with my whole heart. I'm not sure what I should do right now. All I want to do is enjoy my life and be content.

    I'm feeling conflicted tonight. Thanks for letting me vent.
  2. Visit HannasMom profile page

    About HannasMom

    Joined: May '03; Posts: 715; Likes: 18
    LPN/Charge Nurse
    Specialty: Geriatrics/Alzheimer's


  3. by   suzy253
    Oh how I feel for you...I really do.
    As far as the schools go and whether you really want to bother with this at this time in your life, I was/am in the same boat. I was 50 when I started nursing school last year and kept flip flopping whether I really 'needed' this. But it is something I've always wanted to do but made some pretty dumb decisions in the past. The best bit of advice I got was from this board and someone stated that if you have this lingering desire and you don't try, you will never know--never know if you succeed and become a nurse. And if you don't try, it will still be lingering in your mind that you could have done it..no matter what.
    I'm going thru a particularly 'down' time right now. I'm constantly second guessing myself and don't feel confident at all. I'm scared to death of test-taking because I always freeze up. But I'm bumbling along and trying to get my act together. I want to rejoin my classmates when school starts again in August.
  4. by   GPatty
    First of all, hugs to you and your husband {{{HUGS}}}
    Now, I agree with the above poster. You will always wonder "what if" if you don't. What does your hubby feel about you going to school? Let him be involved with your studies! (I know...I need to practice what I preach and stop grumping so much about my hubby.. :imbar )
    And as far as possibly "not getting in", I was put on a list to get into my college (nursing program) of choice with a low GPA (because of being stupid a couple of years ago and walking out and not trying) and over half of my nursing pre-reqs done elsewhere (the story behind that is that if over half of nursing pre-reqs are done elsewhere, you are put at the bottom of the list to be chosen for the program at this college I wanted).
    I went back, talked to an advisor (also very upfront) who told me it would be a long shot, and absolutely nil if I didn't get my GPA up to par, which I had 1 semester to do it in.
    I finished the semester with 3 A's and 2 B's, was put on the Dean's list, brought my GPA up and was accepted to the program I wanted. I start back this fall for my BSN.
    I guess my moral is to never give up. There is always a will and a way. Pray and ask God's guidance in this matter. and know, we are always here to listen....
    {{{HUGS}}} again, and do what you want, and what you need, for you and hubby...
  5. by   HannasMom
    My husband is very supportive. I already talked to him about this last night. He said the same thing, if you don't try now, you will always have the what if's later on. He thinks just going to school in itself is beneficial to me. Also he feels that if God wants me to finish my nursing it will happen. I should listen to him, he is very smart. :imbar

    I think I'm just stressed, with learning about my husbands condition, work is stressful lately, plus I have a 6-10 page paper coming due next month, and two assignments coming due on Sunday night, I needed to vent.

    The easy way out isn't always the best way....
  6. by   GPatty
    Just hang on, and know we are always here to vent to!
    God bless! :angel2:
    PS Do a couple of pages a day on that paper and it'll be done in no time!
    Last edit by GPatty on Jul 13, '04 : Reason: cause I can't spell!
  7. by   HannasMom
    Julie, thank you for your encouragement. Doing a couple of pages each day, sounds like a great idea. I haven't been back to school since I graduated from the Practical Nursing program in 1998, so I'm real rusty.
  8. by   chattypattyCRNA2B
    I just wanted to say that it is wonderful that you have such strong support from your husband. With that wonderful support and love you will do fine. There are going to be some tough times, but hang in there. I personally think that you are an inspiration to me. When others share there experiences and resolve to push on through it gives us the motivation to do so also.
  9. by   OneRN
    Why do we do this to ourselves? You have a good job, you're making enough money at it. Why go through a "bridge" program now? Just be happy and work toward retirement. Don't let other people and the world in general dictate what you should do in order to be happy. Don't follow all the carrots the world holds out in front of you.

    What if I had been an MD?, What if I had been a psych nurse? I've always wanted to be a lawyer, what if only I had done that? The fact is, you can always have different but it rarely is better.

    I say, stay where you are and continue with what you have.

    Just my opinion.
  10. by   weetziebat
    First, a big <<<<<HUG>>>>> to you and your hubby.

    I tend to agree with OneRN - you say you have a wonderful job that you love and that pays well. And living in Oregon myself I know how stiff the competition is to get into nursing school. I've had several friends try and fail to get in, then go in other directions.

    IMHO, if returning to school is something you really want to do, go for it. Especially if you have your husband's support. But it sounds like you aren't exactly certain this is what you want. At some point maybe we just have to be satisfied with where we are and not try to get someplace else. You'll also never be able to get this time back to spend with hubby, having fun and enjoying yourselves.

    Good luck in whatever you decide :spin:
  11. by   leslie :-D
    hi hannasmom,

    i wonder what makes you struggle w/your thoughts....is there something tugging at you, an unfulfilled yearning to become an rn? i ask because although you state that you love your job, what would instigate such restlessness? IF it is something you've always wanted to do, then YES, do it. if it is something that you feel you should do, then don't do it as there is no reason to.

    you have a loving, supporting husband and you are a vital and viable woman. you and dh will get his diabetes in a routine, as you both will w/your schooling. you just need to find out what the bottom line is....you shouldn't have to struggle with this. if it's something you want to do but feel guilty about, then hogwash, and again, go for it. i do wish you the best decision for you and yours.

  12. by   Tweety
    Hugs and hugs to your husband. Your husband would probably be hurt if you used any excuses related to finances or his condition to quit school. So carry on if you want or don't if you want to. And of course, always come here and vent.