When Family threatens you (vent)

[Genista]

Okay, I went into work tonight in good spirits. Had a nice group of patients, all except this one pt's family (patient not the problem). I recognized the patient immediately from previous admissions & recalled lots of drama & the MD having long (1hr) talks w/ family in room QD, due to family always being upset/angry.

One family member in particular came in tonight w/ huge chip on the shoulder. It was my 1st night with this patient this admission.I had a feeling that no matter what I did, it wouldn't be right in the family's eyes. They arrived angry, with lots of questions. I tried to address them quickly & thoughtfully.

Without revealing the details, it seems this family member's "final straw" was when they felt "insulted" by something in my tone of voice or choice of words. Our discussion was witnessed by other staff in the hall, who didn't think I was being rude in any way. Nonetheless, I told this family member that I was sorry if I upset them, and that I fully did not intend to offend at all.I spoke in a calm, what I tried to convey (caring) earnest tone. I really did want to help them, despite it all. I told this person that I think there was a misunderstanding, as I really wanted to help, and that it seemed we were having a problem communicating.

This family member was having none of that! They threatened to "punch me out" and made a gesture with the fist. It was witnessed by another staff member. They didn't actually do anything, but when I look back on it, I feel 1)angry (how inappropriate) 2) a little scared (yikes, who knows how unstable this person is?).

There have been multiple medical staff (MD,RN, etc) who will no longer care for this patient due to past experiences w/ the family (another MD "fired patient" last admission).

Now I know why.

People that know me, know I am not a mean spirited person, and several staff told me not to take this episode personally. How can I not? I decided (on my drive home) I am not caring for this patient ever again, period. Tomorrow I will ask for another assignment when I go into work (just not that one patient).

I would be willing to quit my job over it, if it came down to it, to tell you the truth.

I'm not afraid to speak up about this to my nurse manager...we will have to discuss it when she returns to work after Thankgiving.

This has never happened to me before (I work the hospital floors, not ER). Oh sure, I have had confused pts (etoh, or post op) swing at me.But this threat was different- from a stone cold sober angry family member. Of course, I tried the empathy approach & offered support & help to the family, but as I said, there was no reasoning with them. They saw the enemy & it was me.

All my nurse peers were supportive & understanding tonight, but I just feel so sad & emotionally drained. I'm having a hard enough time putting up with the cr@p of nursing as it is, let alone this type of behavior. It makes me want to quit my job and go work on an assembly line again, where I didn't have to deal with people.

Thanks for listening. I needed to vent.

[mattsmom81]

Violence against health care workers is such an escalating problem today.

I hope student nurses are role playing patient/family abuse and threats in school to prepare them for reality, IMO.

It's too late once you're alone in a room with one of these psychos...or in a dark parking lot and they're waiting for you.....agree with those who said 'Be prepared'.

One of my biggest frustrations has been the lack of support on the general units for nurses who are abused and threatened by demanding rude families. ER can call the police, but elsewhere families seem to be coddled and enabled in their bullying by managers who are afraid to take a stand. As a charge nurse and supervisor I have taken a stand for my staff and have been reprimanded.

Laws need to be enacted in every state and we have to stop allowing facilities to turn their heads away when nurses are abused. It simply cannot be tolerated.

[mario_ragucci]

Not in school yet...im first year. But the hospital had a video which went over psych-related responses to PT's

One thing I could count on is my voice getting attention. If I called a code, outloud, like anyone, there would be a response.

I ain't seen family members angry yet. It's understood we are trying to help. If a family member attacked me for not doing my job, I might take that personal. I guess it could happen. Just remain calm and try to help them. Really are calling out for help.

I idded around, and I would never strike anyone at work, even if I was rightous to do so. The way I see it, every takes a beating sometime :-( Block the punches and step away. It's okay to bear hug someone from behind as long as it's safe. Two people is better. I'd hope I'd never be in a confrontatiopn like this, but it could happen, I guess.

[Agnus]

One thing I did for myself when I was doing my prereqs for school was to take a class in assertion. This was not on the nursing curiculum. It was just one of those I think I'll take this for fun classes. It was only 1 credit.

The first day I was shocked as there were several students there by court order for anger management. I had never thought of assertion that way.

I had thought assertion classes were for whimpy (yes I looked down on them) women who could not stand up for themselves. Well actually it is for both. Infact it is for everyone.

The text we used was, The Assertive Option, by Patricia Jakubowski and Arthur J. Lange. published by Research Press, Champaign, IL

The book is a gold mine. Bear in mind these are skills that require practice. But it makes a HUGE difference in my life especially on the job.

[ernurse52]

I am 52 years old. and I dont recall becoming a nurse to be bit , kicked, spit on, slapped, and screamed at by family members. I work an er and sometimes the wait for non-emergencys takes family members to a level of anger that cant be resolved. Each and everyone of them thinks there problem is an emergency . they forget about all the ambulances that are coming in the back door, that they dont see from the lobby. If ever I am actually hit by someone I would bypass staff and the local police would be involved, just as if I were out in the public. I dont know what the answers are , but something needs to be done before there are no more nurses left, to take care of these people.

[Agnus]

Originally posted by ernurse52

I am 52 years old. and I dont recall becoming a nurse to be bit , kicked, spit on, slapped, and screamed at by family members. I work an er and sometimes the wait for non-emergencys takes family members to a level of anger that cant be resolved. Each and everyone of them thinks there problem is an emergency . they forget about all the ambulances that are coming in the back door, that they dont see from the lobby. If ever I am actually hit by someone I would bypass staff and the local police would be involved, just as if I were out in the public. I dont know what the answers are , but something needs to be done before there are no more nurses left, to take care of these people.

One of the big reasons I do not work in ER.