I also want to say thankyou Josh for your condolences. I miss my dad, as I take each step to get this business up and running so many times I think, I have to email dad and let him know how things are going, and then I remember he is not there to read the email. My dad came out of very bad circumstances, went into the navy at 17 without a high school diploma. At some point in the 70's he got his GED, he went through innumerable classes in the service, he was a flight engineer on a P3orian. That is a plane that tracks enemy subs and whatever else the govenment wants it to keep an eye on. In the 80's he went to college, taking night classes to earn his bacholor degree in business, it took him 6 years to complete. In the late 80's he became a master chief, the highest enlisted grade he could attain. Not many get that far. 5 years ago he retired after 33 years, and became a manager of a factory in Millington TN, I can't say it was something he liked particularly because he had trouble adjusting to people who did not come to work if they did not feel like it. He had difficulty telling someone to do something and then not have it done when he expected it to be, we would talk about it, and I'd tease him and say welcome to civilian life dad! However he had great pride in doing his job well, and when he became ill, he was kept on the payroll, full pay, full benefits. In fact the day after his funeral my stepmom received his last paycheck. Contrast that with how I was treated when I wanted some time off to be able to see him. My dad lived by the motto that can't never did anything. I heard it many, many times, and his life reflected that. I think that somehow in the back of my head I thought that he would get through the cancer, he had always overcome anything before. He overcame coming out of a family with an abusive, alcholic father. He survived being put into an orphanage for a year when his mother could not afford to keep him and his siblings after his father left. He recieved beatings from the woman who ran the orphanage, had a broom broke across his back by her, and suffered back trouble for the rest of his life. Yet he was able to go on as an adult, become a decent man and father. We talked about my nursing career many times, he always told me to do what I felt was right, and to not let others get me down. Their problems were their problems, and I should not take on what was truly up to them to figure out. He pushed education, not only because it would get you were you wanted to go, but learning for learnings sake. To broaden you mind and make you a more well rounded person. When I would meet a goal I wanted, he would say Great, now whatta you gonna do in his southern accent. Always believing their should be new goals, new heights to attain, no matter if they were large or small. My parents divorced when I was 8, and I spent many years not seeing my dad, he was in Florida, California, Iceland twice, Spain, Greece, Germany and flying in and out of navy bases throughout the world. At one point I was pretty sure he didn't care if I was around or not, but after he quit flying and became an instructor if he missed the world traveling and he said no, he'd had enough of it, and besides now he could spend some time with his children, and he'd already missed alot. He and my stepmom had adopted the daughter of my stepsister because she is not able to take care of her, and at my dads funeral the pastor spoke of how much he had wanted to be able to give to this young lady, to do for her what he had been unable to do for me and my sister. I spoke to the pastor afterwards and learned of the regrets my dad had regarding the missing years that he had not been able to voice to me or my sister. He was a private man, and did not feel comfortable expressing alot of emotion. What he did do, was be my motivator and my soundboard. He was my advisor and in the later years of our relationship he was my friend as well as my dad, forgive me for going on and on, but I miss him so much it makes me ache inside. I am sometimes too much my fathers daughter in that I sometimes hold my feelings tight, and telling someone about who he was, that he lived and he was worthwhile makes me feel better. Does that make sense? It doesn't really go along with the topic at hand, except when you look at how he was treated by his company when he became ill and how nurses in general are treated when their outside lives interfere with the job they are doing. Thanks for listening to me, and thank you for the condolences. It does mean something to me, even if I don't actually know you. In fact it means even more, because it's nice to know their are nurses out there willing to support on another rather it is work related or not.