Thank You for Being There When I Couldn't Be

RainbowHead

Today is Mother's Day.

I celebrated this day with my mother who has taken care of me, loved me since she found out I was inside of her, and has taken years of emotional/mental abuse for me from her ex-husband, my father.

I woke up and got my gift ready to present to her which she loved. Let down the car windows for her while she was in the shower so that this Florida weather wouldn't make it so hot when she got in. Cleaned up the house while she was gone to run errands. Just anything that I thought would make her day easier even though I normally do these things anyway.

But there is one person I also have on my mind today, and that is my stepmother. At the beginning of the week, I was notified by my friend of several years in class that she was going to die any day. Even though I have known that she was going to die for about a year (around the time I stopped talking and seeing my deadbeat father), it still made me upset. She let me borrow her phone to send one single message of love and goodbye to her that my father may or may have not told her, and if he did, if she were still conscious (my mom told me that if she is this close to death then she might not even know what's going on at this point).

I made the decision not to go and see her. I have never in my life been around a dying person before, and it made me very uncomfortable and I don't think I could have handled it. I also could not be around my father because he would have tried to make any little effort to try and get me back under his thumb, which my stepmother could not get out of due to her having to depend on him for financial reasons. I heard he already had a new girlfriend. He was awful to my stepmom and any other woman he has every been with, resulting in domestic violence even. I'm actually relieved that she can finally get away from him, even if it has to be in death. I just hope the other woman is smart enough to find out how he is real quick and run away.

My stepmom had two daughters that never talked to her for reasons unknown to me. She would always be severely depressed about it, being moody, crying, not wanting to do anything with her life except plan her next drink (which is what caused the end of her). But she would always tell me how smart and pretty I was, and that she loved me. I was her daughter when the other two were absent. She would enjoy every minute with me when my dad wasn't around. We would go out and about, she would take me to meet her friend at the liquor store, introduce me to her co-workers at Walmart, we would go have lunch, and she would buy me dresses, etc. I was her whole world.

And that is why I felt a tremendous amount of guilt for not going to see her in her final days. I hoped and prayed that she wasn't alone, and maybe, just maybe, her daughters went to visit her one last time. Then I thought about the nurse that would be caring for her. It made me see all nurses in a different light and I was so grateful that I knew someone was there for her and was taking care of her. Thank goodness for nurses.

Thank you nurses for all that you do, and giving patients and their loved ones the relief of not having to do such daunting things in their worst of times and emotional state. I'm 17 now, and maybe one day I can have the strength to join you and help others with the same problems. I really hope that my stepmom understands why I didn't see her and knows that I love her and always will.

Thank you.

Happy Mother's Day.

Thank You for Being There When I Couldn't Be

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