wow, that's an awful way to be treated at such a difficult time.
that rn needs a reality check. my experience was the complete opposite, thankfully. first let me say the rns at the kent county hospital er in warwick, ri are the best. altho the surgery for ca was a success, the post-op infection was what sent my husband to the er. we had had the discussion abt dnr/dni/cmo and i knew that's what he wanted. course at a time like that all reason flies out the window, as does nine yrs of nsg.
i told the rescue guys (the capt was one of the guys responding and he asked me outright what the orm [orders for resusitative measures] status was) even before we realized how serious things were. once at the er, they had a tough time getting an iv in and drawing blood, so after an hour in the waiting area i "put on my rn hat" and insisted on going back to be with him. the rns were great, explaining that they were having a problem (and didn't take offense when i pointed out a vein i thought they might get, which they did), and getting me a chair, and then getting the md when i had a bunch of questions abt the labs.
long story short, my husband died within an hour and a half of my going back to be with him. the rns realizing he wasn't going to make it, made sure i had privacy, that i was a comfortable as possible, and gave me time to say goodbye and be with him a while after he died. then they rallied around me, making sure i was okay to drive home (it was 0300 when he died), and offering me a shoulder, decaf coffee, even chocolate birthday cake. they talked to me gently abt calling a funeral home, with an arm around me shoulder, kleenex in hand.
i cannot say enuf good things abt the rn staff there. i make sure i convey that same attitude, sympathy and empathy to pts and families when i work.