RN and a Mother!

Many RN's are parents or intend to be. My son was 2 when I became a nursing student in 1989! I often felt that he took second place to my career and I often felt I had let him down because I was obsessed with nursing, I always have been and I always will. 21 years later I realized I did ok! Nurses Announcements Archive Article

RN and a Mother!

I became a single parent in 1989 I finally left an abusive marriage, I was now going to move on with my life and follow my dreams. I always wanted to be a nurse as we often referred to ourselves in 1989, we were also called RGN's in the UK which meant for my American friends Registered General Nurse. Now shortened to RN! I dunno what we will be called in the future!

It was ageist at that time I was 27 and was considered very old to be training as a nurse, the average age was 20yrs old. I was the only parent in the group! We had two male student nurses in our group of 20, it wasnt all that popular to be a male nurse in the UK, I still think that there are far more male nurses in the US than the UK. In those days male nurses were seen as career RN's who would only climb the career ladder rather than be ward RN's, they would progress into management very quickly.

The truth is having a child and working as a nurse is difficult and nobody should go into it lightly without a lot of soul searching and questions.

You have to have excellent child care and back up in place. For me the safety and security of child care was the most important thing in my working life, but at the same time I was rare in those days to be a working single nurse. There were no considerations given to you if you were a mom, you really had to apply yourself to work harder and prove yourself. I felt I had to outshine the single girls because I was a mom and I was expected to be a burden.

You would hear comments about other RN's who had children for example 'Why should they have Christmas Day off because they have children, everybody loves Christmas day off'

For 19 years I never ever asked for Christmas Day off, if I given it then I was very grateful but if I didnt I would suck it up.

I have carried with me for 21yrs the fear of asking for Christmas Day, just incase it was thrown in my face that I wanted special consideration because I had children.

Of course we had Christmas but it wasnt always the 25th December, and we enjoyed ourselves thouroughly.

Many of my collegues didnt even know I was a mother, we hardly had anytime to talk we were so busy. If you were seen to have any down time the 'charge nurse' then called 'Sister' would soon find you something to do somewhere. So even if you didnt have anything to do you would make yourself look busy.

Home life was scarce but we packed in as much as we could.

In the Uk we had fantastic vacation time even as a student nurse 7 whole weeks, we worked full time on the ward and studied or supposed to in the evening! We had exams and papers due in every 6 weeks and you could only fail once the second time you were out!

I do feel my son missed out on me being an RN I didnt have the same time or energy at home that I displayed at work.

I did remarry to a wonderful man but I remained a single parent because my husband was in the Navy so was deployed a lot of the time. So childcare, afterschool care continued.

The stress of being a parent and a nurse is unbelieveable, everytime the schools are on vacation I panicked worried about how I was going to manage to work. Then every cough, cold and fever I would worry if it was going to last days and I would have to keep him home.

I always made sure he had the best of everything, and for many years I was lucky enough to have a self employeed mother who would help us out in the summer.

I want to share this poem my son wrote to me today I am so proud of him and it made me feel better after the punishment and guilt I have put myself through the last 21 years.

To My Mum I am sorry!

Our time together has been quite rough

In fact its been a ride

Our love for each other is quite tough

But ill never leave your side

I allways wanted you to be proud

Ill do anything to make it happen

We may scream and shout so loud

But it hurts me and im deeply saddened

I don't mean to be the way I am

Ive really tried to change

Ive tried so hard in every way I can

It hurts from my heart to my brain

Please forgive me for the things I have done

Because I will allways love you my beautiful mum

Ive never held anything against you

Ive never ever felt bitter

I have so much love for you

And for dad and my sister

I just want the best in life

For everyone that I know

I love you and never though twice

Your more beautiful than the snow

I never want to hurt you again

Im so sorry for the past

I promise you that I will change

And we can set that in a cast

Please forgive the things I have done

I just want to move on with you as my mum

As I sit and write this for you

Its pains me deep inside

I can feel the tears pouring through

It been a rollercoaster ride

I made bad decisions as a little kid

I didn't treat you right

Im so sorry for the things I did

I just want to make things allright

I don't really know how to grow up

But im trying every day

Sometimes my feelings they blow up

Im sorry I was made this way

Please forgive the things I have done

I love you with all my heart and soul because you are my mum

Written by Ben ******* 22/12/10

1 Votes
madwife2002

About madwife2002, BSN, RN

RN with 26 years of experience many of those years spent in dialysis. I have worked in acute care, home, ICHD as a CN, FA, and currently a director.

26 Articles   4,777 Posts

Share this post

Specializes in Oncology&Homecare.

You have just expressed the fears and concerns of every working mom. There is no tougher "job" in the world. I was 33 when I graduated from nursing school and my daughter was 10. I had tremendous support from friends and family. You are literally a juggler and there is always a residue of guilt. We are in a big club. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Many of us can relate. It was never easy but in the end I can say that it was worth it.

0 Votes

I can totally relate. I am a new grad rn with a baby. I am feeling guilty as I feel I'm not giving my baby enough of my time. Your story made me feel that I am not alone. Thanks.

0 Votes

I am a mother of 3, and my youngest is now 12. Currently Just finishing up my 3rd semester of nursing school. I am married but was a young single mother at age 19. Finally pursuing my dream of becoming a nurse :) It's a part of what makes me, "me". I started working as a medical assistant in 2000 and was bitten by the nursing bug!! Soon to be a grandma too!! Whoot!! Whoot!!

0 Votes

Hello guys this gives me hope.Am a registered nurse having trained in Africa diploma hospital qualified.1994 to 1997.Now am married and have three children the youngest 2yrs 6mths now living and working full time in Australia.Have decided this year to upgrade my qualifications to a bachelors in nursing.Will be ding this online and would love to hear from someone who has done it.Will be doing my studies with university of south australia.cocomadam:nurse:

0 Votes
Specializes in LPN, Peds, Public Health.

Thanks so much!

My daughter was 1 when I went through LPN school, and now she is 10 and my son is 4 as I am starting RN school. I hate missing things with them. My daughter always gets upset because I cannot make her school parties and such. I am so lucky to have wonderful parents who are the greatest grandparents to my children and try to make any event that I am unable to attend. Being a nurse and a parent is a struggle, but we can do it! I just try to make our time together extra special!

0 Votes
Specializes in Med Surge, Tele, Oncology, Wound Care.

I have a 4 month old little boy who is my life.

I feel guilty for having to go to work and I cry inside because at times I feel like I am taking care of everyone else when I want to be home caring for my son.

I love my job, I love my son.

I am trying to do the best that I can to be the best at both.

Your story has brought tears to my eyes. Your son sounds like an amazing young man, he is so proud of you! I can only hope that my son will someday feel the same way about me. I have to go wipe my eyes now :)

0 Votes

I am set to grad from Nursing School May 2011 and gave birth to my son 7 months ago in the middle of my schooling. It has been very difficult balancing my schooling and an infant as I am a fist time mother. I often feel that my son gets lost in the shuffle of school and work. Thankfully, his father is very supportive of my education eventhough we are not together and does as much as he can to help. I sincerely hope that my son will realize that my time away from him is being spent trying to better our lives.

0 Votes

Thank you for sharing your story. I can feel the love you and your son have for each other. Blessings!

0 Votes

i am a mother AND current licensed hairstylist intrested at changing professions , because of the economy. After reading this i don't know if i want to devote my time into being a nurse ,. i am already , investing alot of time in the salon, which i was trying to get away from .

0 Votes