Over the weekend.... - page 3

I really don't even know how to word this question, so I will apologize in advance if I misword what I am trying to say. I work at a hospital and encountered something over the weekend with one of... Read More

  1. by   micro
    with 80% falling somewhere in the middle..............

    Mario.....thanks for letting me take a bit of your quote and use it.......

    kids-r-fun.........thanks for stating some honest truth.........

    happeewendy.........my post tonight or early this a.m.(very late night at work.....can you tell)........but don't think my opinions here will be the popular take either.........

    just few thoughts from micro.......

    yes, Masters and Johnson's let alone science and our chromosomal makeup have said that yes we are not 100% one way or the other.......please don't make me state it.....trying to keep this a pg rated post.........

    also hormonally we are all with testosterone and estrogen++++++++++++++so much more........

    ya'lll know what micro is a female by all senses of the word.....but there have been times when I swear I feel more like a man than a......and .........

    no.....maybe, maybe not original intent of this thread is not homophobia.....and no disrespect to the thread author.........

    cause it can be a work related issue also.........
    but you know what.......so gee what next.........
    like gee.....maybe I also would just quietly ask the person in private to gee you think wipe that off.......rather than get offended because he is maybe ?????????
    like gee, women never come in made up to hilt.....with thick mascara lashes, bright long fingernails and like is she working or seeking out a conquest.........
    maybe.....gee, micro you should wear some makeup and maybe paint your nails so as to appear more feminine.........

    like geez.....give me a break........

    yes, for work we do need a common thread and demeanor with out individual personalities still interacting on the work field.........

    but who i am or another person is is just that.....don't go out of your way to say this is that...........

    more later.......

    micro gotta get some sleep.........

    and if i am out of line here.....let me know and I will just start another thread topic.....this is another soapbox of mine.............

    lol to all,
  2. by   voskamp
    Wow this is interesting. It is very much about how you look at nursing I gues. I think that in a care enviroment, patients are important. They should feel comfortable. But then again nurses should feel comfortable aswell. I remember a nurse in my hospital who painted dark circels around her eyes. It looked very shabby. I asked her not to do that while on duty, because the mainstream patients (and coworkers) couldn't understand it. I explained that they would draw the wrong conclusions about her nursing capability. She would have been judged as a bad nurse because of her appearence. I asked her to think about that. She cleaned her face and agreed, eventhough she felt it was a pitty that people would judge her by her appearence. And it is a pitty, but it is something every one of us does (consious or not). We all have to restrain ourselves in this profession. I can often not say what i would like to say to a patient. I like to work with the music on, but can't because of the patient etc. But I think that it is not such a big offer to restrain yourself at work.
    PS; why don't you confront this man an ask him if he knows how his appaerence make people feel?
    (excus me for spelling misstakes I'm dutch)
  3. by   hapeewendy
    voskamp - patients are of the utmost importance
    it is why we do what we do , but patients are ppl, with that in mind they come with all their little preconcieved notions and prejudices just like the rest of us, I'm not naive enough to think that everyone is supportive of those leading alternative lifestyles, my case in point is just that if everyone commenting on how this guys makeup is affecting nurses professional image
    then the rules need to apply to everyone

    personally I would silently cheer if I saw less female nurses come in made up looking like they just came from acting as extras in moulin rouge, but until that happens, we have to be fair , male , female, black white purple , doesnt matter , if were talking about a professional standard here like some seem to think then we all must abide by it, not just some of us , some of the time, when the mood strikes

    I like your point at the end to speak with the nurse involved for feeback, no feeback can often lead to gross generalization and assumptions
    (assume makes an ass out of u and me - hah)

    micro - once again I agree with what youre saying
    it seems to me that youre one of the rare few who agree with my idea of judging everyone by the same
    professional marker accordingly

    I'm the sort of gal who avoids conflict, and can happily disagree with anyone without it escalating into world war proportions, thats why it bothers
    me when ppl respond to me posts with hostility and the persistant need to overanalyze and read into what I type and may or may not feeel.

    thats ok , I will just chuckle an evil little laugh over here at the thought of ppl having smoke coming out of their ears because of something hapeewendy typed hah *ohmygod I did the mario/micro third person reference* I DO spend too much time on these boards
  4. by   wildhoney
    Originally posted by hapeewendy

    wildhoney and others

    I did not msg you with such hostility
    so I dont expect it in return

    You know I really didn't have a problem with most of the things you said. It was when you told me "I should" do something. To me..yes, that was a hostile comment. Next time you shouldn't tell someone what to do and you won't be met with hositlity in return.
  5. by   wildhoney
    I'm hetero (at least I think I am now.... but after what Mario said I may not be : )

    My point is-- I don't walk around with a sign telling people that I'm heterosexual. Nobody cares and nobody wants to know. I think after a while they would get sick and tired of hearing about it. Yeah, don't ask, don't tell...PLEASE!

    If I had such a tough time being hetero I wouldn't make it everyone else's problem.
  6. by   hapeewendy
    darn wildhoney well there goes my big plan to have ppl jump off a bridge one by one because I told them to! shoot, oh well , what was meant by that you should research the topic yadda yadda was in response to your comment implying that the nurse is confused and should have his gender changed and then wear the makeup, that part and only that part was my reference point for saying that......

    and if you wanna get technical , you just told me what to do by telling me that I "shouldnt tell someone what to do and then you wont be met with hostility"
    mmmmm kay we both told the other something to do, can we be even and play nicely in opposite corners of the sandbox now?

    I rather enjoy how just about everyone who responded to me got away from my original intent of posting , which was to treat all nurses by the same rules of professional conduct, probably easier to argue randomly instead of changing your mindset to ackknowledge that another person could have a valid point........

    I think part of the problem comes from the fact that the original post was vague at best, just commenting on the make up thing and non descript "antics" I would be interested to know what constitutes "gay antics"
  7. by   wildhoney
    You can get technical about, psychoanalyze it to death... just don't tell me "me" what to do or you will get it right back in your face.

    I was talking in general terms when I said this person should wear less make-up. It is a fictional person to me, a person I do not know. You directed your post "to me."

    And I am playing nice. Trust me.

    You are now getting way off base and for the sake of these message boards and the people here- I will not be responding to you.

    Thank you and have a nice day.
    Last edit by wildhoney on Mar 28, '02
  8. by   micro
    this topic is out there and yes folks, there is a vast world out there with thank goodness many many differences.........

    and omg.....tg.....even in nursing.........

    but the original ??? of this thread(could be taken).....for as literal as it was written.........
    1) the nurse's appearance may have bothered the patient's under this nurse's care........
    a)if it is problematic.....i think an intelligent nurse might just need a hey duh, wipe off that .....without it getting blown out of proportion.........but
    b)is that the issue.........cause if it is, then professional appearance and demeanor should apply fairly across the board.......
    c)like to female nurses that come in with the whole nine yards on, looking like a night on the town rather than a night running tao.....at work
    so to end.......if appearance and demeanor is the question.........yes, when we are at work we can and should turn off the rest of our world for that eight hours on..........
    gee, no not that we are robots, but we should be focussed totally on the patient..........

    but then however I take another tac......
    somebody who drew the best and quickest blood out of this arm had orange hair(didn't come with DNA)
    .................................................. .....................

    my humble opinion is it is in how you carry yourself.........and when you are at work, dress and groom for work, when you are not at work.........well right now I am in a flannel shirt and etc....like duh, does it make a difference to anyone but me.......

    I however think that there is another problem here.......and please I am not targetting the author of this thread.....'cause actually it brings up something that is out there.......
    phobias of "boy you name it"
    sexual orientation
    anybody who looks different than you(yikes don't look my way)
    anybody who acts different than the status quo.....
    men in nursing(hey, guys.....not a cut here.....but you all know that even though your #'s are growing.....you still get hit with it)
    too old, too young....
    list goes on and on.......

    not going to write out the lyrics.......but to tell you the song playing in my head right now.......

    IMAGINE-------by one of the best.....John Lennon

    sorry all, micro knows this is soapbox of mine........micro shares soapbox and sandbox with all.........

    thx for listening
    now micro goes to wash off sand..........:stone :stone :stone
  9. by   shay
    Originally posted by hapeewendy
    but your theory of ideas being shoved etc etc needs to apply to everyone, no one should be allowed to impose their morals beliefs on anyone else, regardless of if they are considered openminded, narrowminded, religious, non religious, homophobic, whatever, thats not the point
    the point here is that if you are going to condemn a male for wearing makeup you need to come down on any professionals that do not uphold the professional image that nursing is supposed to uphold (whatever that is exactly, who knows, diff ppl different ideas)

    I agree, as evidenced by my original post (cut and pasted):

    Look, slutty dress and makeup on women, nose rings, eyebrow piercings, purple hair, daggar nails that curl at the tip, wearing purple heart covered underwear underneath white pants, MEN WEARING MAKEUP and lots and lots of other stuff SIMPLY ISN'T APPROPRIATE AT WORK, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION OR GENDER...PERIOD.

    Unprofessional is unprofessional is unprofessional. My point is that just as I would expect any hetero woman to be reprimanded for dressing unprofessionally or wearing too much makeup, blah blah blah, I, on the same turn, don't think we should bend over backward to be 'tolerant' of a man wearing makeup simply because he's gay.

    I interpreted from your post that you were stating that it was homophobic and 'intolerant' to ask a man not to wear makeup to work, simply because that man happens to be gay. I interpreted that you felt that if a straight man were to wear makeup to work it would be acceptable to criticize him because he is straight.

    Apparently, it was a misinterpretation and you agree, as I do, that just because this man happens to be gay doesn't mean his appearance should be overlooked as a 'lifestyle choice,' but rather should be reprimanded because it is inappropriate.
  10. by   Q.
    Originally posted by shay

    Unprofessional is unprofessional is unprofessional.

    ...just because this man happens to be gay doesn't mean his appearance should be overlooked as a 'lifestyle choice,' but rather should be reprimanded because it is inappropriate.
    Excellent post, shay!
    Originally posted by hapeewendy
    Well judging from the tone of this post and the responses that have followed I'm almost 100% sure no one here will agree with me, however I'm not the type not to share my opinion just cuz it may be an unpopular one.

    #1 - what exactly is meant by this nurses "antics"
    that scare his coworkers etc, if its just the makeup thing that has everyone in a tizzy thats insane.

    #2 - Why is it acceptable for female nurses to come in with makeup that makes them look like a 2 dollar h

    ooker? I've seen this, and no one on the floor said boo about it, but a guy comes in with some foundation on and all heck breaks loose?

    3. I understand that patients were upset about the look of him etc but why should we validate what they feel? I mean if a patient refuses someone based on the colour of their skin, weight, other physical features etc it angers us, why doesnt it bother any of you that this male nurse is being discriminated against?

    I'll tell you why I think you are not angry, its because many of you probably dont know what it is like to be gay or in transition or suffer from gender dysphoria.

    I doubt seriously that this nurse is doing it to get caught or "buck the system" etc, I believe he is doing it to express himself, and I really dont see a problem with it to tell you the truth.

    I have a good friend who is gay and gender dysphoric and some of the attitudes I'm getting from this thread are not only not supportive of this nurse but downright prejudiced.

    personally I dont think any nurse (male or female) should come to work with tons of makeup on, but since the female ones sure do I dont think its fair to discriminate because "men are not supposed to wear makeup"

    didnt some barbaric male once say that "women shouldnt be in the workplace"
    its views like that that force humankind to take steps back instead of forwards

    keep your hearts AND MINDS open, while we may not understand it all, we can certainly be empathetic

    In refection, I have to agree with you on this one. At first, I was going along with everyone else's opinion but I was feeling like...it's a shame that he couldn't be himself.

    People not only believe that "women shouldn't be in the workplace", they also use to believe that Black people wasn't "fully human" & used to treat them like animals...here in this country & overseas.

    We must have talerance for "different" people. Perhaps this person has imperfections in his skin that he's trying to cover. How about all the men who wears toupees to cover his imperfection. I nothing wrong with it as long as it isn't put-on heavily, like one would when going out to a club.
    As far as cross dressing at work, epsecially males wearing obivous female scrub attire, I'm still out on this issue. Females wearing male attire just get werd looks...and nothing more is said or done about it either. I do think that's a double standard though.
  12. by   hapeewendy
    personally I dont see how I'm not being nice to wildhoney, I think that I am going to take a break from posting here because everything I type seems to be misconstrued
    i only directed my post to wildhoney because i was responding to what he/she said in the first place
    but whatever, I'm tired, I deal with entirely too much conflict in my real life to come here and have to deal with it isnt up my alley.....

    how people can manage to read sarcasm and negativity into typed words is completely beyond me
    I havent gone around belittling anyone , calling names, or being nasty
    they are typed words in the form of opinions which I am tired of having misinterpreted
    if you want to ignore me thats fine , doesnt bother me, at this latest point we were agreeing on the darn issue anyway

    I'm not a nasty person and I dont believe I have strayed off the main topic until this very post

    but to each his/her own opinion
    if you want to paint me in a negative light for
    all to see then go right ahead, but those who know me and know my posts know otherwise

    shay - we agreed on many points actually, I wouldnt find it acceptable for anyone gay straight or otherwise to overdose it on the makeup
    I wouldnt feel a straight man was any worse for doing it because he isnt gay

    I dont come here to stir the pot emotionally
    I come here to stir the pot and get opinions flowing, I dont want everyone to march to the same drum that I do, I like variety, I like the light that most of you shed, many of you have helped me a great deal with professional issues.

    my playing nice comment was a joke, or at least an attempt at lightening what has become far too serious and emotionally involved for the likes of me.

    but if I am going to be ignored because ppl perceive me poorly then I wont post, no one wants to be hated for the way they come across or their opinions, heck I dont hate any of you.......

  13. by   SharonH, RN
    Originally posted by Marianne518
    I really don't even know how to word this question, so I will apologize in advance if I misword what I am trying to say.

    I work at a hospital and encountered something over the weekend with one of the male nurses......here goes:

    This guy is openly gay.....and I think he is scaring the patients he works with. He wore a touch of makeup (light foundation and powder), and I noticed a little light eye makeup. He is an okay nurse, but some of the patients commented about him and quite frankly I don't blame them one bit. If he wants to lead an alternative lifestyle, it's his choice to do so.....but I don't think it's appropriate for him to come to work with makeup.

    Has anyone else ever encountered this type of situation, and if so how did your unit handle it without creating a ton of chaos???? I'm sure that one of the patients was going to request that he not take care of her anymore.....she was so uncomfortable with him she was crying over it. I am almost dreading having to go back to work with him because I hate having to intercept all the comments about him from the patients.

    I've had patients who complained about male nurses who were openly gay, nurses who were too fat and of courses Black nurses. Unless they have a legitimate complaint about their care or something else that is unprofessional, i.e. body odor or something along those lines I just give them a blank stare.

    If their nurse doesn't fit in with their personal ideals, why should I bend over backwards to accomodate them. I say too damn bad for them, if they are put off by someone's appearance then they can get their own thin, White, heterosexual female private duty nurse. Oh no, can't do that? Too bad.............