Nursing and Death.

[m0nk3y904]

I have been a registered nurse for two years. Prior to that, I was a nursing assistant in the long term care field, which is where I am a RN. Both as an aide and a nurse I have had my share of dealing with death on the job with no problems but what happens when the death you need to deal with is personal?

On January 26, 2013, my husband and I received a phone call from my mother in law and brother in law regarding my nine year old nephew. That week, he had missed school and was in the ER twice, once with a diagnosis of the flu, the second with pneumonia. He was taken back to the ER this day by the request of the ER doctors from earlier in the week to have his blood work rechecked. The blood work was horrible and the ER doctors had decided he needed to be transferred to a bigger hospital in the Valley (Lehigh Valley Health Network) and be admitted. He was admitted into the ICU and was later intubated and restrained due to him not being compliant with the non rebreather (he hated anything on his face). I received this phone call before laying down to sleep prior to my scheduled night shift.

I was a mess that night at work, worried about this sweet innocent little boy being in the hospital, especially since the week prior, he was out hunting with us. My husband cousin works with me on the dayshift and was close to the little boy. Her and I had decided I would get some sleep and head down to see him after she got off of work on January 27th.

I went home, got changed, and was in the process of heading to church since I really needed God at the moment when we received another phone call. He was not doing good and they wanted everyone at the hospital right away. I was heartbroken. I called my mother, who loved this boy, and she came down to watch my 2 children. My other brother in law came home and my husband, my brother in law, and myself headed to the hospital, 45 minutes away.

The next 3 hours were hard as various family members came in and out of the PICU to see my nephew. I had the doctor explain to me what was happening, since I have a background in medicine. What was happening was all his organs were slowly failing and he was bleeding into his chest. We were asked to leave the unit while they placed to chest tubes in him. While this procedure was going on, he coded and never came back. On January 27th, 2013, at 10:36 am, my nine-year-old nephew had passed away and my world feel apart. Watching everything happen to him and being a nurse, I felt helpless and scared.

The next week was torture for us all as we said good boy to the most sweet boy in the world. My daughter was heart broken, that was her buddy, her friend. The did everything together in the summer. Looking at his picture still hurts knowing he is now here.

I then had to sit down and think. As a nurse, I felt the medical profession had failed this little boy. I didn't want to be a nurse anymore. Before this, I had wanted to be a pediatric nurse but after everything that happened, I knew that wasn't a possibility and maybe even being a nurse wasn't possible.

A week after he passed, I did go back to work but I felt alone and frightened. I really wanted to leave nursing all together. A friend of mine, who was an LPN, told me about a book called On Call that helped her mom, who is a nurse, get over a hard death when she first started off as a nurse.

I have decided I am going to be a school nurse, I can still work with children but not in the aspect of the hospital setting.

Being a nurse I think made this death harder for me. I deal with death routinely in the nursing home but this death was hard. I guess no matter what training you have, it never gets easier when it is a loved one, does it?

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

Dealing with death as a professional is different than dealing with it on the personal level. I have worked with dying children since I started nursing (over 6 years) and I still had a difficult time dealing with it when my best friend's father (who was obviously not a child) died suddenly.

Just so you know, you will still deal with death in the school setting. These children who die in the hospital go to school. You're less likely to have a child die in your presence at school (though it certainly has happened before and happened 20x over in Connecticut last year) but you'll be part of the team that deals with the aftermath when a student at the school dies. In my high school, we averaged about 1 death/year and lost 3 students over the course of just over 3 years. That and many schools demand pediatric experience before they will hire a nurse into the school nurse role. I know the schools around here do.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

. . .

I then had to sit down and think. As a nurse, I felt the medical profession had failed this little boy. I didn't want to be a nurse anymore. . . .

Huge condolences to the OP. The death of a loved one is excruciating - particularly a child.

Speaking just for myself, I realized early in my career that science is not all-powerful. No matter how great the technology, there are times when we cannot overcome the inevitable. Conversely, there were times when everyone was so certain that death was imminent. . . but it didn't happen. I've never been religious, but bearing witness to these types of events has strengthened my own belief in a higher power.

In the end, what is most comforting is the certainty that I (along with my colleagues) did everything that was humanly possible, including interventions to ensure that, following their loss, the patient's family can achieve peace of mind about the care received. Some questions can never be answered, but they need to know that we connected - as caring human beings - and did everything we could do for their family member.

Wishing you peace.