Nurse = Co Dependent?

Batman24 · Mar 4, 2008

I've seen topics and posts like this one before. I'm doing pre-reqs right now and while I don't see myself as co-dependent I do so myself as a people pleaser. I am working on it now because if I don't I know I will be eaten alive in NS and clinicals.

Suninmyheart · Mar 4, 2008

The first statement was interesting,”It is likely you will become a co-dependent if you work in the health care field”. In a later section, the explanation followed. The healthcare worker takes on the role of co-dependent at work because the patient is in a dependent situation, and subject to your control of their world.

I definitely do not agree with above definition of co-dependency nor do I believe working in health care creates co-dependency. I do believe however that health care often attracts people who have a tendency to be co-dependent.

Co-dependency is about needing to take care of someone or needing to save someone in order to feel good about oneself. This is not in a health care context but rather often takes place in relationships where the person needing saving is an addict/alcoholic. Co-dependency conveys an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship not only with another person but also with oneself. A nurse-patient relationship is hardly that if approached in a professional healthy manner.

This is not to say I cannot feel good about the work I do. Of course I can! But if nursing is the only area where I get a sense of self and use that to define myself then I would basically be co-dependent.

:twocents: Sun, Peace

queenjean · Mar 4, 2008

Broad generalizations are always correct.

oramar · Mar 4, 2008

:yeahthat::lghmky::hhmth:

Broad generalizations are always correct.

Woodenpug, BSN · Mar 4, 2008

It's possible. Doing something for the patient that the patient is capable of doing for himself. That isn't full-blown co-dependency but getting close.

oramar · Mar 4, 2008

The first statement was interesting,"It is likely you will become a co-dependent if you work in the health care field". In a later section, the explanation followed. The healthcare worker takes on the role of co-dependent at work because the patient is in a dependent situation, and subject to your control of their world.
In the ICU theater the nurse is definitely in control, but I have never thought of myself as co-dependent!
One of the ways to save one's self is to be able to walk out and leave work there. I may bask for a while with the nice feeling that I did a good job but that doesn't last long. At home our life is give and take and my wife is definitely NOT "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen".
Are you, or do you work with people, who are co-dependent?

I understand where you are coming from. I have made many post here complaining about nursing journals, textbooks and other educational materials that include insulting statements. Some of them merely talk down to you or are patronizing. Others make downright insulting statements. Currently I do not subscribe to any nursing journals because they get my hackels up so often with their nasty comments. I am not paying to be insulted. According to what you report here these insulting attitudes have leaked into the CEUs market. I have a pet theory that many(but certainly not all, I have no desire to make insulting, broad comments myself) people who leave bedside nursing and go into managment or education do so because they have a very deep dislike of hands on care. They secretly find the blood, vomit, feces and other aspects of real patient care revolting. It leads to a contempt for the person who stays behind and does the important work of caring for actually flesh and blood. This contempt leaks into the material they write and onto the bedside nurse. Excuse my soap box, but you touched on something here that has sent me into many rants. In the end what I am saying is good for you for protesting the insult.

husker_rn, RN · Mar 4, 2008

From what I understand, co-dependency is more about others i.e. you know how to please all those around you, what they want but have no idea of what/how to please yourself. Your identity is totally wrapped up in taking care of the world. Melody Beattie wrote "Co-Dependent No More " which may explain it much better.

santhony44, MSN, RN, NP · Mar 4, 2008

I definitely do not agree with above definition of co-dependency nor do I believe working in health care creates co-dependency. I do believe however that health care often attracts people who have a tendency to be co-dependent.
Co-dependency is about needing to take care of someone or needing to save someone in order to feel good about oneself. This is not in a health care context but rather often takes place in relationships where the person needing saving is an addict/alcoholic. Co-dependency conveys an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship not only with another person but also with oneself. A nurse-patient relationship is hardly that if approached in a professional healthy manner.
This is not to say I cannot feel good about the work I do. Of course I can! But if nursing is the only area where I get a sense of self and use that to define myself then I would basically be co-dependent.
Sun, Peace

I agree with Sun.

I believe what I do is important and valuable and that, sometimes, I'm the right person in the right place. I'm not, however, irreplaceable.

I've seen Sun's definition of co-dependency in action, though. Several years ago I took a job previously held by another NP and found that she had had a very co-dependent relationship with a particular patient. The patient was very needy and very demanding and my predecessor had obviously fed into this.

The patient had COPD and still smoked a pack per day. She told me- proudly, actually- that "NP Predecessor even yelled at me about it."

"You know you need to quit, and I'm telling you you need to quit, but I'm not yelling at you about it." My thoughts were "I'm not going to care more about you than you do yourself."

I saw that patient exactly once. When she realized that I was going to be the one to set the terms of the relationship and was not going to allow her to do so, she found another provider.

This experience actually helped me, though, because I realized that I did not want to fall into that kind of trap myself.

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Mar 4, 2008

In my opinion, for what little it's worth, the term 'co-dependent' is overused psychobabble and doesn't really mean anything in particular. It's totally subjective, some people will call a woman a 'co-dependent' who picks up her husband's dirty socks. They will also call her an 'enabler' because she is enabling him to be a slob. If you're not an enabler or a co-dependent, then naturally you must be a 'control freak'! You can't win for losing once the pop psychologists get their hands on you!!!

GilaRRT · Mar 4, 2008

I disagree as well. Nursing is simply a job. I have no control or power issues with what I do. At the end of the day I hang up my nurse hat and simply become another dude. I know many nurses do not have problems. Again, this is simply a problem with humans and not isolated to any one aspect of the human experience. Do you remember your jobs prior to nursing? I remember encountering the same problems that people bring up time after time on this forum when I worked as a bag boy at a store. Different situation; however, the behavior was much the same.

sjt9721, BSN, RN · Mar 4, 2008

I do believe however that health care often attracts people who have a tendency to be co-dependent.
Co-dependency is about needing to take care of someone or needing to save someone in order to feel good about oneself....

I think you nailed it right here.